"Thou wentest forth for the salvation of thy people..."

"Thou wentest forth for the salvation of thy people, even for salvation
with thine anointed; thou woundedst the head out of the house of the wicked, by
discovering the foundation unto the neck. Selah."

~Habakkuk 3:13, King James Version

I got fed up with feeling down today. I wrote a poem, a prayer to God begging him to help me. Shortly after, I picked up the King James Bible that Emilee gave me right after Snow Blast. It was sitting on my bed because I'd grabbed it earlier to look up something. I was thinking of reading one verse (the one about hinds' feet that I think sounds so nice in the King James) but in the end I turned to another verse I've liked for a while, Zephaniah 3:17, and read that and the next few verses first. Then I went back to Habakkuk and found the hinds' feet verse, the last verse in the 3rd chapter. I decided to read the whole chapter -- that old "context" thing I learned back in junior year doing hermeneutics -- and I found the verse above. The wording seemed interesting to me.

I just checked to see what the NIV says. This is its version: "You came out to deliver your people, to save your anointed one. You crushed the leader of the land of wickedness, you stripped him from head to foot. Selah." The Message is even more blunt: "You were out to save your people, to save your specially chosen people. You beat the stuffing out of King Wicked, stripped him naked from head to toe, set his severed head on his own spear and blew away his army." The NLT says, "You went out to rescue your chosen people, to save your anointed ones. You crushed the heads of the wicked and laid bare their bones from head to toe." The older translations (New King James, New American Standard, etc) and even the French translations (Louis Segond, La Bible de Semeune) say basically the same as the King James does.

Somehow I like the King James rendering best.

I saw the word Selah several times in what I wound up reading, which were these passages and some Psalms. Selah is one of those untranslatable words that nobody seems to be able to assign a meaning to, or if they do assign a meaning, it's relative. Like schaddenfreude. The most common interpretation is that it is a signaling word, signaling one to pause and reflect on what one has just read or heard. One Bible I used to have translated the word Selah as "Interlude" in the Psalms, which makes sense since the Psalms are "songs" of a sort, and lots of songs have "interludes."

That was how I treated it. Every time I read the word Selah, I would stop reading for a moment and think. Kind of how...well, you know when someone important dies or something, they ask you to take a moment of silence out of respect? It was sort of like that.

The reading helped some, but I still think my sleep won't be easy tonight. But then again, with how chronically tired I am, I doubt I sleep well any night.

I may go to bed soon. I want to get up early tomorrow and go buy some toothpaste and some more soda since I'm running out of both.

I'm gonna buy a prayer journal when I get the chance as well. And an actual journal too, not just one of those cheap spiral notebooks that I buy on whims all the time, and usually don't do much with. At work, there's one specifically labeled "My Prayer Journal" that's only $4.97. Though there was only one last I checked (we had 3 but I sold 2 to this one customer). If it's not there, I can just get a regular journal, or a different prayer journal if there are any (which I think there are).

I'm going to look into spiritual disciplines as well. No, I'm not thinking of going ascetic and going to the mountains and being a nun. But I need some structure to my spiritual life, and I think something like that would help.

Good night!

Found a web site host, meeting with Transfer Center, my "Personality Plus" personality mix, etc.

I am pleased to announce that I found a web site host site for my personal site! I guess my prayer was answered.

Here's how it happened: on Wednesday I had a meeting with a transfer counselor at the University Transfer Center at school (more on that in a minute) and once it was over, I had some time to kill before I had to be at work. So I went to the library, and, not having anything in particular to do there, I found a computer in the open lab and did a Google search for "Christian web host sites." I found one: MyHomeWithGod. The signup was easy and free, and they do have ads, but at least they're Christian ads.

I haven't uploaded my site yet, but I am going to soon.

Next...my meeting at the University Transfer Center. I am glad I was able to make it work because when I scheduled it I hadn't got my June schedule yet for work so I was afraid I'd have to reschedule it.

It was only half an hour (actually more like 35 minutes, since it was around 1:35 when I left) but it was very helpful. The counselor, Jose, asked me about my major and I said I hadn't picked one yet. I also explained to him that I was confused as to which G.E. plan to follow, since some classes I had taken were for the Cal State GE requirements. Then he pulled up my transcript online (it's on the enrollment thingie, SURF) and looked at my classes and my GPA. He said, with my GPA (which is about 3.2) I could get into 5 of the 9 UC schools. The two he said that for sure I couldn't get into at the moment were Berkeley and UCLA. I'm not sure what the other 2 are. I just checked and the only ones I couldn't find info about were UCSF (University of California San Fransisco) and UCM (UC Merced). That's all right, since UCSF is devoted solely to health sciences.

He drew up an ed plan (the common name, it's short for "educational plan") which showed what classes I'd taken and what I still needed to take for the IGETC (the plan I've been following mostly; it stands for "Inter-Segmental General Education Transfer Curriculum"...I don't know where the "s" for "segmental" comes from though). He also drew up a tenative semester schedule showing what I still needed to take and with dates of when to apply to a university and when to petition for graduation. The former would be this fall, and the latter next spring. In between, I'd have to fill out the FAFSA (the Free Application for Federal Student Aid) to see if I'd get any money from the state (though being white and upper-middle-class, that's not likely, although maybe cause I'm a girl....hmm, doubt that too, well it was a thought).

I left feeling better about my academic situation. He said not to put so much pressure on the major thing either, cause he changed his 6 times. But then of course people always tell you that to try to make you feel better.

Right before I started typing this entry, I took a "personality profile" thing for the personality types outlined in the book Personality Plus by Marita and Florence Littauer. I haven't read that book specifically, but one of the books I read for our next staff meeting had a little quiz thing you could take to determine your two primary types, as well as info on each type. The other book I read, a marriage book by Marita Littauer and her husband, also mentioned the types and had a thing in the back explaining each one. So before I returned the books, I photocopied the pages with the info on the types and the pages with the quiz and the scoring sheet for the quiz. (This wasn't as easy as it sounds, because I was trying not to mess up the spines of the books doing this, which can happen with paperback books if you lay them out, both covers open, face down on a copier, plus I was doing it at school, and the school just instituted another weird system for printing and copying).

Anyway, I found out after scoring the quiz that I am a Perfect Melancholy/Peaceful Phlegmatic.

Wikipedia compares these types to the Myers-Briggs types. It says that "A Melancholy can be more of an intellectual, and thus somewhat anti-social (or perhaps just less social), and Phlegmatics just don't mind either way," "Whereas a Melancholy seeks facts to come to conclusions...", "This is about how people process the world around them, and the most obvious observations are that Melancholies like facts, whereas Sanguines have a leaning towards emotions," and "Whereas perceiving is all about simply making observations, whereas judging involves allocating value to the observations (right/wrong, good/bad, etc.). Since a Melancholy is about "the right" way, and Cholerics are about "my way", they tend to be more on the judgmental scale. Phlegmatics, being "any way", are more about perceiving."

I tried to put together what they were saying here. Based on this, this would mean that my dominant type, Perfect Melancholy, would be an Introvert, a Intution, a Thinker, and a Judger. This in Myers-Briggs speak would be an INTJ. The weird thing is, that is exactly what type I got both times I took the Myers-Briggs test!

The descriptions they gave in the books and in Wikipedia are long and complex, so here's the basics:

The Perfect Melancholy is basically the over-analytical, perfectionistic kind of person (hence the word "perfect" in the name). They plan, plan, plan. They like stability and they like their space. They like things to be predictable and they like standards. They are very detail-oriented. They like life to be in order. According to the marriage book with info on this, Perfect Melancholies tend to marry Popular Sanguines (their exact opposites) because Sanguines are outgoing and social.

The other book, which is about temptation, talks about the greatest temptations for each type. Melancholies are very susceptible to the temptation towards negativity, as they tend to be pessimistic and cynical.

Peaceful Phlegmatics like peace above all (hence the "peaceful" in the name). They avoid conflict as much as possible. They want to be respected and feel like they have worth. Though balanced and pleasing in personality, they tend to be indecisive and have a hidden iron will. They dislike change and people who expect too much from them or are too pushy. They're good mediators at work, however, and have the gift of staying calm and collected more than others. Because of their indecisiveness, they tend to marry Powerful Cholerics who are strong and decisive and somewhat authoritative.

Phlegmatics are most likely to be tempted to be complacent and thus get their lives out of balance. Unlike the Powerful Choleric who does too much, they don't do enough.

This is rather enlightening, because I am like that, a mix of both. I dislike change because I'm a Phlegmatic, which may be caused by my preference for stability from my Melancholy side. My perfectionism from the Melancholy side probably influences my desire to avoid conflict that comes from my Phlegmatic side. I may be an indecisive Phlegmatic because my Melancholy side makes me plan excessively but not act until everything is just so.

In other things, I found a place to watch Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon on YouTube. I have watched Acts 1 and 2, the Special Act, Act Zero, and the specials "Hina Afterwards" and "Tuxedo Kamen's Secret Birth." I watched some clips from the Kirari Super Live special too, but it's not up there in its entirety.

That's basically it. Bye for now.

Bow Down To Santa Jeremy

This is a pretty funny movie Lyoko11, another person on YouTube, made. Check it out!

Generator Power Promo

This is a little promo video I made for my Generator Gawl website. Enjoy!

(Yes, YouTube has a "Blog Video" function now...cool, huh?)

Web site hosting woes, summer plans, grades

I just checked my grades for the semester. I got almost all A's. It would've been all A's except that I got a B in one of my BOT 113 sections. I am not sure which section this was cause I wasn't keeping track of my points in that class. I just e-mailed my teacher to find out.

Speaking of school-related things, I recently made a little PSA video about literacy. Here's the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YAws0BoLTcU

Well summer is now upon us (even though summer doesn't technically start until June 20 or 21, but that's beside the point). Do I have plans? No, not really.

Basically, I will be working, and part-time at that. I was hoping to be able to work full-time, but I talked to Dannie yesterday and she said that since summer is our slowest time (which I think is odd...if people have more free time in the summer, shouldn't they have more time to read books?) she can't really increase anyone's hours right now. I understood this to some extent. Just to clear my conscience, I said I had been working on the stuff she asked me to, but she said it didn't have anything to do with me, which is reassuring. Ever since she and I had a long talk about my apparent lack of social graces and of other things that make a model retail employee, I have been living on pins and needles, always worrying that one little slip will get me fired.

Other than that, there's the college group overnight retreat on the 23rd and 24th. Because I made the mistake of submitting my day off request later than I should've (all the stuff with seeing Grandpa, plus school ending and stuff, probably made me forget about it...plus they just started talking about it), I have yet to find out for certain whether I'm getting the time off.

The only other thing to look forward to is in late August. My dad got tickets for an American Idol Live Tour concert in Anaheim. That should be fun!

Speaking of American Idol...I have learned that I should never again make a fan video for that show. I made one for Katharine McPhee, and after a couple days where everything was fine, YouTube blocked access to it, saying I'd committed copyright infringement. Oh well. There's nothing I can do about that.

So basically my summer plans will be to continue reading career stuff (I'm almost done with the print books, and then I'll start on the ebooks), possibly try to get my license (I just found out that the DMV doesn't accept drivers' training programs that use simulators anymore, so this means I'd have to just go out in a real car, and my mom doesn't think I'm ready for that...I mean, I know how to make left and right turns and basically park from when I've gone out with my dad to the parking lot of the nearby high school...it frustrates me that my mom doesn't think I'm ready...I'm 21 for goodness sake....just cause I might be an aspie with bad eye-hand coordination doesn't mean I have to take public transit the rest of my life!), and probably hang out at home a lot. Maybe go see a movie now and then. Oh and go to church and hopefully to my "Quad" (that's what the new small groups for the summer are called...I've had problems contacting the people in my group via e-mail).

I spent a good portion of tonight trying to find a good host site for my new personal site (called Silvanmare after a town in one of my stories). I tried Geocities, Angelfire, Bravenet, and a few others I'd never heard of, but either they just didn't work out, or, as in Bravenet and Angelfire's cases, I uploaded all my files only to find out both my main page and the page in the iframe had an ugly ad banner emblazoned across the tops of them. Geocities just logged me in under my e-mail (since my regular Internet service is associated with Yahoo and so is Geocities).

I just want something free with preferably no ads. Or if there must be ads, let them just be a little box or something. Please!! *frustrated sigh*

Well my battery is running low (I got tired of sitting at my desk and the cord doesn't work the same if the computer is anywhere else) so I'm gonna have to cut this short.

God, I know this sounds weird, but please help me find a host for my website. I put a lot of work into it.

America's got a new soul man, health final, move to YouTube

I've got my health final today. I hope I do good. I am not as worried about that one as I was about my piano final on Tuesday (which I got a 26.5 out of 30 on, with a 90 overall in the class...yay!). I do need to study though, which I'm going to do this morning.

I moved my videos over to YouTube after unsuccessfully trying to organize my Putfile page by changing the HTML. My new page is http://www.youtube.com/user/Writer4Christ. I finished moving all my videos there last night.

YouTube is way cooler because you can write descriptions of the videos and it uploads faster. Plus, it's a real community there, where people can send you messages, comment on videos, put you on a "friends" list, mark videos as favorites, and so on. Really cool. I already have added 2 friends (Firehunter, a friend from the Code Lyoko forum, and this other girl who right away favorited 3 of my videos) and got a couple more through friend list invitations from other people that I accepted. I have already favorited some videos too. I favorited a Sailor Moon video by the one gal I added as a friend, an Odd & Aelita movie by Firehunter, a "Hymn of Russian" video I found that has really great pictures, a hilarious video called "Star Trek Cribs," another Code Lyoko movie called "Code Lyoko Lovers" by someone else, and I think that's it. I even got two movie requests from the gal I added as a friend!

All right...one last thing before I close. You're probably wondering why I put "America's got a new soul man" in the title. Well, because last night on American Idol, the man with the Soul Patrol -- Taylor Hicks--was announced as the new American Idol! My mom was really happy. I personally voted for Katherine (twice!) but I'm happy either way. I'll probably buy both their CD's as long as neither of them does anything inappropriate. But I don't think that's happened with any of the Idols so far.

I'm not quite sure why they need such a long results show. 2 hours it was. And announcing the winner and having him sing only took up the last like 5 minutes of the show--I'm not kidding you. (Coke even did a commercial right before the results were announced that said, "We'll make this quick. Drink Coke. Now tell us the winner, Seacrest!"...just what I was thinking).

Well I'm gonna check my e-mail and then I need to study as much as I can before the bus comes. Oh and get dressed, finish breakfast, and get my laundry together while we're at it so I have some clean clothes to wear for when we go to see Grandpa this weekend (he's really ill but well enough to see us this weekend, so I got off work so I could go up with everybody cause Mom really wants me to come). At least I can bring my career books, as long as I don't lose them or mess them up, since they're library books. I don't usually bring library books on vacations, but I figure it'll give me something to do on the 6-hour drive up there. I may bring my CD player too, and definitely my novel-in-progress for if I get bored with reading.

Oh speaking of my novel, I had an epiphany yesterday. The plot worked itself out in my head, just unraveled, while I was in the breakroom yesterday. So I wrote the basics out on a napkin and a paper towel (since I didn't have any paper). The only part I didn't figure out was the very end, but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it, I guess.

Must've been a God thing. But how did he know? Oh, duh, he knows everything.

Maybe this is his confirmation of my desire to be a writer?

This reminds me of a verse that says, "Delight in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart." And then another that says, "Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words." That's from Romans 8. After last week's sermon, I decided to do a word study of several words in that chapter, which I began yesterday. The Greek word for "deep" is alalētos, which means "inexpressible." It comes from a combination of the prefix a (used as a negative prefix) and the word laleō, which means "to talk." So put together, that means "no to talk" or "not to talk." Something like that. The word "intercedes" in Greek is huperentugchanō, which means "to intercede, to make petition for." That is a combination of huper, which means "over, beyond, on behalf of, for the sake of, concerning" and entugchanō, which means "to chance upon, confer with, entreat." The word entugchanō is also used once in the passage by itself to mean the same thing.

Anyway, I'm gonna go cause I got to study. So long!

Career books and other things

Yesterday, I really wanted to get out of the house (well, and take out some money to get some soda, since there was none at home) so I went to school and checked out a bunch of career books from the list I'd made of books from a list under "vocational guidance" from the online library catalog. I only checked out like 12 because you can only check out 15 things at a time. I have read two. Here are my opinions:

~Word of Mouth: A Guide to Commercial Voice-Over Excellence: an excellent book about voice acting. It is primarily about voice acting in TV commercials but touches on animation voice acting.

~How to Find the Work You Love: I actually only began to read this, but I can't take it anymore. I picked it up because of the appealing title, but it didn't seem like a very helpful book. The arguments that were used were not very well supported, and the quotes from various authors were kind of pointless and just there to be there. I got frustrated with the book. It was all about individuality and personal potential. Though it did acknowledge the importance of integrating your philosophical view into the decision process, it seemed to make this out to be fairly not valuable.

I also started to read a book called Career Development for Teachers, but then I realized it was published in London and so wouldn't help me figure out how to be a teacher in America, so I decided not to read it.

I went to church today at Madison as usual. The sermon was on Romans 8:28 and explored the "urban legend" that everything happens for a reason. Pastor Larry (the main pastor at my church) taught that while things do happen for a reason, the reason is usually not the one we hoped for.

I'm listening to a CD right now that is a copy my mom made from a full audio CD Bible my dad has. The track I'm listening to is some chapter from Numbers, and has to do with what to give for sacrifices when. I'm not sure what God wants us to get out of chapters like that.

I took a few more spiritual gifts tests today online (and found a couple articles saying those things were hogwash...hmm). I took a paper one a while back which I bought at work. My highest gift on that paper one was Missionary, with Knowledge next. My third place one was a three-way tie between Administration, Celibacy, and Service. Number four was a five-way tie between Teaching, Exhortation, Helps, Leadership, and Leading Worship. Number five was Prophecy. Number six was a three-way tie between Wisdom, Discerning of Spirits, and Voluntary Poverty. The last one, number seven, was a tie between Pastor and Faith. There were also some things that were zeros and would be #8. Those were Giving, Mercy, Evangelist, Hospitality, Miracles, Healing, Tongues, Interpretation, Intercession, Deliverance, and Apostle.

As for the other tests, there were slightly different. (I'm naming them after my file names for those I don't remember the names of since I copied them into Word to save them till I could print them).

~Spiritual Gifts Test Analysis: Serving was highest; Knowledge and Missionary were tied for second; Leadership and Prophet were tied for third. Discernment was fourth. Music, Evangelist, Teacher, and Helps were tied for fifth. Apostle and Intercession were tied for sixth. Pastor, Exhortation, and Mercy were tied for seventh. Faith and Wisdom were tied for eighth. Administration was ninth. Hospitality was tenth. Giving, Healing, and Craftmanship were zeros and tied for eleventh.

~Spiritual Gifts Test Results: Service was highest; then Mercy, Teaching, Exhortation, Prophecy, Giving, and Leadership, in that order.

~Bible Spiritual Gifts Results: Teacher, Servant/Helps, and Missionary were the top three. Mercy, Leadership, Hospitality, Exhortation, and Evangelist tied with Missionary. Fourth place is shared between Wisdom, Pastor, Music, Intercession, Discernment, and Artistry. Fifth place is shared between Prophet, Giving, Faith, and Administration. Sixth place was Apostle, and seventh place was Healing.

~Here are your results: Knowledge (12) was first, and Missionary (9) and Service (9) was second. They then descend so: Teaching (7), Discerning of Spirits (6), Administration (5), Leadership (5), Mercy (5), Exhortation (4), Faith (4), Shepherd (4), Intercession (4), Wisdom (4), Evangelism (2), Giving (2), Healing (2), Helps (2), Prophecy (2), Hospitality (1), Interpretation of Tongues (0), Miracles (0), Tongues (0), and Voluntary Poverty (0).

~Spiritual Gifts Analysis (Churchgrowth.org): Teaching was first, and Exhortation second. Third was tied between Pastor/Shepherd, Showing Mercy, and Administration. Serving and Evangelism were tied for fourth place. Prophecy and Giving were fifth.

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I also took a personality test recommended on a site with links to spiritual gifts tests. Here are those results:

~Personality ID: Analyzer (I don't have the results printed out though cause they wouldn't print right)

~~~


I need to practice piano sometime tonight...I'm a little nervous about that. I need to clean the keyboard first cause I think the dustiness of the keyboard is making it out of tune.

Not really anything else to say...I'm pretty tired. Good night.

Bioethics, Hippies win the Amazing Race, and Elliot gets the boot (FINALLY!)

I just finished the first of two books I am reading for the upcoming staff meeting at work (though I think it kinda stinks I'm having to do this with finals next week, but hey, I love to read so I don't care so much). The book is called How to Be A Christian in a Brave New World. It is all about bioethical issues, such as cloning and embryonic stem cell research. The book pointed out that all the successful medical treatments being done with stem cells so far have been from adult stem cells, which they can get from pretty much any cell except reproductive cells (i.e., the cells that work at making babies). One of the authors, Joni Eareckson Tada (well known as a Christian writer and speaker who is also a quadriplegic), mentioned that this one gal who was also a quadriplegic had gone to a doctor in Portugal and had stem cells taken from her nasal lining and inserted in her spine to allow her to be able to walk. Very fascinating. Up till now I did not know there was such a thing as adult stem cells, probably cause the media, including science magazines, conveniently make you think that there are only embryonic stem cells, and that these should be harvested in order to find cures for diseases such as Alzheimer's and diabetes. Huh.

As I said, finals are next week. Fortunately, my history teacher sent us (via e-mail, since this is an online class) our final earlier than expected, which means I can take care of that this week and get it out of the way so I can focus on piano and health for next week. Actually, I will probably try to focus on prepping for health study in the next couple days so I can focus on piano, which is the first final (next Tuesday). For my health final, I am making PowerPoints. I am almost done for the one on the first chapter the test covers. Thankfully, the final is not comprehensive (covering the whole semester) but only covers 3 chapters--the chapters on drugs, alcohol, and tobacco respectively. Conveniently, we have been doing our Drug and Alcohol projects the last few class periods, which provides us with a lot of info (though I'm sure Professor Shaffer will just test us on the stuff in the book...but you never know, so for the most part I have been paying close attention to the presentations, except during part of the Inhalants presentation, which went right after my group's presentation on alcohol, when I was trying to get internet on my laptop so I could submit ASAP the outline I had forgot to bring).

Speaking of school, the fall schedule is out in print so I picked one up. I have almost all my G.E. classes. I now need to focus on getting some major classes out of the way, once I figure out what my major will be. My main problem is they may require a year of foreign language to transfer, and though I took French 102, I haven't been able to take anything higher cause the higher classes aren't offered very much. This means I will have to take some other language. The languages our school offers are Spanish, French, Italian, German, Chinese, and Japanese. I have heard Chinese is rather difficult, in fact the most difficult language in the world to learn (if you've ever seen any Chinese writing, you know what I mean). I got confirmation of this one day when I was sitting in the Quiet Lounge (which I do a lot cause it's the only quiet place where I can use my laptop or read and eat at the same time...the library does not allow food) and wound up having a chat with a gal who's a Chinese teacher at the school (and believe me, she looked way too young to be a teacher...just like Professor Chang, my piano teacher, who looks not much older than me, but who already has a Ph.D!). I might take Japanese since I already know some words (thanks to anime and a book called Essential Japanese) though the writing is pretty difficult too. The advantage to that would be I could always ask my best friend for help cause she knows Japanese really well.

So basically the only classes that are set that I still have to take are biological science, communications, and the first part of History of the Americas (to complete my two-course "group" for Cal State's American Institutions requirement). To do this, I can take BIO 101, COMM 101, and HIST 116 (the first half of the course I took this semester). The fourth spot is a toss-up at this point. It will probably go to language or a major class.

I am going back to the 4-class format this fall. Whatever it was I did this semester was a disaster with a capital D. I had 8 classes total, four of which were one unit (three sections of Basic Office Skills, and Intro to Career Planning). Then Keyboarding for Computers at 1.5 units. Then I had piano (3 units), health (3 units), and history (3 units). For a grand total of 14.5 units. Dang. And I was telling people it was 12.5 units. Oops.

Judging by my transcript (which I just looked at online), classes that I took which are both on Cal State requirements and IGETC requirements appear to count for both. But I'm not quite sure of this, so I am going to drop by the Transfer Center tomorrow just to make sure so that there's not a bunch of classes I have to repeat or something.

School news aside...work is going pretty well. Lenora and I are getting along for a change.


That aside...The hippies (BJ and Tyler) won The Amazing Race tonight. I was so happy. Frankly, I would've been happy even if Ray and Yolanda had won, as long as the frat boys (Eric and Jeremy) didn't win. They are just so cool and fun-loving, those hippies. The picture on the right is of them in last week's episode, in Oman (they don't have pics from the finale on the show's site yet...they probably will tomorrow). They're the kind of guys I would love to have as friends. They're just so fun.


As for the other reality show I'm following...American Idol. Elliot Yamin finally got voted off during tonight's hour-long result show. (I don't know why they went to an hour-long results show, when even a half-hour results show is too long. I mean, nobody cares about any of the show except for the last 5-10 minutes, when they actually give you the results). This means Katherine and Taylor will be in the finale, which is good cause I will be happy whoever wins. Not like last season where by the finale my liking for Carrie had faded since she started singing only country (I don't like country), and where I was secretly hoping she wouldn't win. Technically, following the pattern of winners, Bo should have won, because so far it had been Girl-Guy-Girl, so a guy was due to win, according to pattern. But not so. Anyway, though, Elliot got voted off, which was a relief. (I made the pic on the left...sorta. I took a pic from the Idol website and then put the words on it).

Well it's late so I better go to bed. Good Night.

Fantasy, frustration, and the like

This'll be short cause we're gonna leave soon for church (I'm going with my parents today cause it's Mother's Day).

Frustrating day yesterday. It started off good, but once I got to school to do Workplace Tech stuff, I had trouble getting the voice recognition program to work for me. Grr.

Good news: I finished the PDA and voice recorder stuff, and tested a BlackBerry and Tablet PC, so that stuff is done. I just have to do the voice recognition and PDA thumb typing. My Drug and Alcohol group didn't have to present on Thursday, primarily cause there wasn't a computer available to use for showing PowerPoints. But that's ok. I figured out the C Major Scale (though I should probably work on it today cause I told Professor Chang I'd work on it more this weekend) and the right hand part of my piece.

The career stuff is chugging along. Through a cross reference, I came upon books in the catalog for my school's library on "vocational guidance." There were 932 matches! Most of them were ebooks, and there were a lot of repeats. I found quite a bit of books that were actually at the library too, so I will probably try to look at those in the next few days (I probably could do it over the summer too if I had to, but I wouldn't be able to check them out cause I wouldn't have a current sticker on my ID card, unless I enrolled in a summer class, which I am not going to do again after last summer, when I had trouble getting things done on time cause I was working full-time and stuff...course I didn't have a laptop then either so I might be able to do it this time...I'd get a discount on a bus pass).

That's pretty much it. Bye.

Oh yeah and the novel continues too, though mostly through writing background notes.

The home stretch

Just this week and next week, then finals. Lovely.

I feel so stressed right now. I have to finish my stuff for my Workplace Tech class by the 20th, which is in 10 days. I've barely started it. I did find places to test a BlackBerry and a Tablet PC though so that is good, and that is pretty much all I have left to do for those sections. I started the PDA section but got bored with it and didn't finish, probably cause I was working on my "X.A.N.A. Attack Progression" video, which took practically all day Monday, some of yesterday, and a good part of today to finish, and I wanted to do that instead. I may have to do some of the stuff over cause I had to use the Palm III that is available at the lab instead of the Palm i705 we should be using cause the i705 wouldn't turn on when I tried it. At least my teacher will be in the lab tomorrow so I can ask her about it.

I have to read the novel I bought for history class, In The Time of the Butterflies, by next Monday to post on that. I started reading it today and got to chapter 8, which means I am more than halfway done. I'll probably be able to finish it by tomorrow, which would be great. I read it mostly this morning while waiting for my videos--the X.A.N.A. Attack Progression one, two Winx Club ones, and a W.I.T.C.H. one--to save. I also read it while at work before I had to clock in.

More than likely my group for the Drug and Alcohol Project will have to present tomorrow. But our PowerPoint is good to go and I have notecards written for my part and my outline done. So I'm not too nervous about that, unless while presenting I make a complete fool of myself.

Piano is my "thorn in the flesh" right now. I have quickly learned from this class that God more than likely has no plans for me to be a musician. I do not have the gift. My note reading continues to be disastrous and my discipline for practicing at home pretty much non-existent. Now I find out that I have to play the C Major Scale for Professor Chang (my piano teacher) next Tuesday on the grand piano we're playing our pieces for the final on, and I am all thumbs as far as that's concerned. As long as that's so, playing my chosen piece (Brahms's Lullaby) will be very hard.

I have progressed in my career/major research, weeding out the ones from the lists I made that didn't look like they would work. I now need to research those more in depth and narrow things down. All I know for certain right now is I still want to be a writer, since I feel God is calling me to that.

Speaking of writing, I am writing again, finally. I am writing a fantasy novel as part of the May version of National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo for short) being held on the writers' forum I'm a member of. (I say "May version" because the regular NaNoWriMo takes place in November). It is a novel set in the world of Walden which I have already written three short stories about (one of which I lost, unfortunately...however, as compensation, I am putting the principal players of that story -- the dwelves Argus and Alan--into this story). I am writing it in one of the nice notebooks my parents gave me for Valentine's Day, and I also bought a composition notebook for me to write background notes in. So far I have written entries on the geography of Walden, a race of half-animal, half-humanesque (since some of them are elves and other non-mankind races) people called the Kannarah, and a really long essay on the peoples of Walden. Like Tolkien, I want to know as much about my world as possible. I have created some bits of an elven language in naming certain things. Nothing like Tolkien's Herculean effort in creating Quenya and Sindarin (his two elvish tongues) not to mention all the other languages of Middle-Earth (though the Rohirrim language I think is basically Old English, so he may not have invented that one, per se).

I shall have to write some stuff about Chaimvin, the "life-friend," who is more or less God in Walden. He has various "manservants" and "maidservants" under him. I haven't quite determined who they are. In a sense they are like angels, and at the same time I also get a sense of a kind of status difference similar to the status difference between Eru Ilúvatar and the other Ainur/Valar. At any rate though they are not gods and not equal in status to Chaimvin. Chaimvin is God and no one else is. Naturally, coming from a monotheistic Christian family, one would expect me to do this, but if so, you should read my "Notes on the worship of Sitaka and the other deities of Zeta Andromedae." The title by itself suggests polytheism, and the "notes" go on to describe, in classic mythological fashion, the family of gods worshiped by the citizens of Zeta Andromedae.

I am not certain how these servants of Chaimvin came to be. I don't want to have them be made of something in heaven, for that lies dangerously close to the origin of the djinn in Islam (Allah made them in heaven from smoke and fire). Yet the Bible gives us no insight on the creation of the angels other than men were created a little lower than them.

I do have a sort of Satan figure in the form of the rebellious servant Marek and his followers though.

Anyway, back to careers...

Oh wait there's not really anything to say...

Oh crud it's almost midnight. How did that happen?

Oh hey good news and bad news for Amazing Race and American Idol tonight. On Amazing Race, MoJo (Joseph and Monica) got voted off and that's good cause I don't like them since they fight too much. This puts the hippies, the frat boys, and Ray and Yolanda in the finals. The hippies must've gotten a Fast Forward or something cause when the frat boys stepped in at the Pit Stop they were team #2. (I missed most of the show cause they moved it to Wednesday night from 8-9 and I have to work till 8:15). On Idol, Chris Daughtry was voted off...big surprise since people kept saying he'd go all the way and probably even win. Stupid Elliott Yamin is still on there...he is so dopey and not really that great of a singer. Well at least Katherine McPhee is still safe...I voted for her twice last night in hopes the extra vote would pull more weight after she got bad reviews from the judges last night. But, I mean, c'mon, you're making the girl sing Elvis for goodness sake. Like Simon said, she's at a disadvantage already. Even though she did good with old songs with "Great American Songbook" week with Rod Stewart, I mean, this is Elvis Presley we're talking about. Plus she sang a combo of "All Shook Up" and "You Ain't Nothin' But a Hound Dog" for her first song. And everybody knows that hound dog song even if they hate Elvis. She did better with "Can't Help Falling in Love With You," which was more her style.

If that girl wins, or even if she gets runner-up and still makes an album, I'm gonna buy it. I think even if she gets second she will be able to have a career...I mean look at Clay Aiken.

I'm gonna go. Good night.

Stress and stuff

"To focus on the present -- this is wise;
To look to the future -- that is
wiser still.
But to dwell on the past -- that is foolishness, madness, and
all things ill."

This is a quote I made up for the Lightning Girl related story I have going on in my head right now. It's from some made-up poet named Kaziar, "one of the great poets of R Andromedae," as Avalon says.

I can't believe I haven't written in like a month. I guess I just got busy with school and stuff. I meant to write after I got back from InterVarsity camp, but I didn't. I don't know why.

InterVarsity camp was great. It felt good to get away from all the stress of school right now. We dug really into the Bible by doing manuscript study, where you study it like the original readers would have read it, just with dictionaries and concordances and stuff at your disposal.

Things are looking up on the future decision stuff. Thanks to having to do a decision-making essay for my career planning class, I have come up with a plan of action for choosing a major. It involves a lot of research and stuff, which I will probably try to start this week. I want to have a major picked by fall, if not sooner.

I wonder if the school offices are open during summer. I would think so cause there is a summer intersession. This is because I may need to go to the University Transfer Center and the Career Center to look up some stuff at that time.

I'm going to take that Spiritual Gifts test I bought at work a while back too. I know things like that aren't definitive, kind of like the "assessments" I took in career planning class, like the Myers-Briggs, and aren't the only answer. But it would be a start. And it would help. I took one online once as part of a Growth Group assignment or something like that, but I forget what my results were. This is an actual paper test though, so it may be more reliable.

Well I can't think of much more to say, so bye for now.

Oh...I was re-reading some of my older posts and came across one where I mentioned my mom saying stuff about it being too expensive for me to go away to college. I found out later she thought I was still considering going to Biola, which is really expensive (about $26,000 a year; costs vary depending on your dorm and meal plan). I told her I had realized Biola was too expensive (although it's a good school in other ways...it's in a nice, safe neighborhood, has nice dorms and a great cafeteria, and lots of good academics) and so I was looking into state schools. I think that quieted her down on that topic. Though it frankly only comes up if I mention it.

Am I an aspie, health projects, Will Makar

Am I an aspie? That is a question I'm asking myself. If I am, it means I have Asperger syndrome, a form of autism where you have normal or above average intelligence but impaired social skills and developmental delays in motor skills. I have been doing some research on this last night and today, and it sure sounds like I have the symptoms.

I was thinking about this cause I need to come up with a topic for my lifestyle wellness project, and I want to do something related to this. Like work on my social skills. But how to narrow it down to a simpler thing to do a project on.

Mum said I could do it on eye contact. I do have trouble with that. I have trouble looking at cameras straight, for goodness sake. I always had my chin up too high or something. Made me a bane for school photo photographers.

I think maybe I will do that. I just have to make sure it's something I can research. And ok it with my teacher.


On a lighter note...my fave American Idol guy, Will Makar--who looks like Josh Groban (to me) and sings about as good as him too--is still in it, so far. This week's results show will be the key time. If he's not eliminated this week, he goes to the final 12. Some AI fans think he looks like Bobby Brady. Check out the pic and see which assessment you agree with.

I better go and see how my pantihose are doing. They should be ready to hang to dry about now. (I had to clean the feet cause they smelled).

I sure am glad I got through this post. I kept doing things that made me have to start it over.

Tired, confused, and stuff

I am soooo tired. I'm not even sure why I am writing in this if I'm so tired. I should probably take a nap or something. But I just need to vent about a couple things.

I finally got around to practicing piano at home again. I tried to do as much review as possible, and also do the new stuff, but it all didn't sound that good. I stopped to ask God to help and then went on. Finally, I just couldn't do it anymore. Maybe cause I'm tired, I don't know. It's just as well. I have history homework due tomorrow. I have to do reading and find some websites. Joy. Usually I get my history homework done early, during the week it's assigned, and don't wait till the weekend.

I'm worried. I'm not usually a slacker. Seriously. College has had a bad effect on me, I think, in that it has caused me to procrastinate and slack off, things I used to almost never do in high school. I also tend to stay up late more often and get less sleep. I also drink soda way more than I used to, and eat out way more than I used to.

I spent a good part of Friday and yesterday working on my room. On Friday, I cleaned pretty much everything except the closet. Yesterday I worked from around 11am to around 6pm, with a break for lunch, cleaning off the floor of my closet, going through the clothes in my closet and both my chests of drawers, and going through the boxes sitting on my closet shelf to see if I really needed to keep all that stuff. I went from 6 boxes to 2, pretty much emptied out my tall dresser and my closet of clothes, and totally emptied my short chest of drawers of clothes, since I don't wear anything out of there. Mum went through the bags of clothes yesterday (and I think a little today too cause I saw her today with one of my old Halloween costumes, which I had bagged) and I think she's going to take most of them to the homeless mission she volunteers at. Good riddance, I guess. Less is more. Of course now I have only a few pairs of pants that fit and no shorts at all, except for a couple pairs that we bought for me to wear over my swimsuit. But oh well.

Part of the reason I'm so tired is probably cause of all the work I did yesterday and also cause I walked 4 miles today, to and from Madison Middle School for church. Strangely, the sermon was about worry, which is exactly what's been on my mind lately. In fact, I've been eating a lot of toast lately...which means I'm probably depressed (carbs help calm you down), or maybe it's just menstrual (I'm just ending my period).

Maybe I won't nap. I mean, I have enough concentration to type all this, right? I guess I could just lie on my bed and read. If I was really truly tired, I wouldn't be able to keep my eyes open, likely.

Some good stuff is happening, though, I guess. These two movies I really liked in the theater came out on DVD (Just Like Heaven and Elizabethtown) and Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire comes out on DVD in 9 days. Lenora seems to be in better moods the days I work with her. February is almost over, so hopefully I'll get my 4-day workweek back soon (I've been trying to be more sociable and be on my best behavior). I got through my first piano quiz and my first health test all right.

Tammy (a friend of mine who used to live here but then moved to Arkansas) sent me and some other people a link for a Brain Test. It tests whether you have a more male or more female brain. I landed somewhere in the middle. I wonder what that means...

I need a dose of funny-ness right now so I'm going to look in my joke book to see if there's a good joke I can end this with.

Here's one:

Patient: Doc, what would you recommend for an insomniac like me?
Doctor: A good night's sleep.

Maybe I will nap if that's the joke that catches my eye.

G'night.

Not sure what to call this

Overall, not a bad day. Mum was kind of strict though, saying I needed to work on my room (even though it wasn't that messy cause I had just worked on it) cause she said my room still smells. I have had problems with my room smelling for a while. I think it's partly cause my feet --particularly the soles of my feet--have this disposition (possibly genetic, since my dad has the same problem) to sweat more than normal and thus stink. Either that or something else that I have no idea what it is.

I had called Amy (best friend) yesterday to see if she wanted to get together today (cause I'm off work) and we did get together but not until the evening cause of my cleaning, which made me forget other stuff. Jesse (her husband) decided to come home early though so we only spent like 2 1/2 hours together. Most of that was spent getting dinner and trying to figure out how to hook things up to utilize the GBA Connectivity available in The Legend of Zelda: Four Swords.

I also found pictures for and created my Sailor Jupiter video, the last video I need to have made a Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon video for each of the scouts. I am going to do a Tuxedo Kamen one too I think, and maybe one on his girlfriend Hina to "Don't Speak" by No Doubt, one of Sailor Luna, maybe one of Mio (even though she's a bad guy) cause there's a lot of pics of her in the Special Act (when she makes herself Queen of the Dark Kingdom), and maybe either a general one or a Minako memorial one to the song "Friends" by Michael W. Smith (maybe the Jump5 version since that sounds really good). Although I guess it wouldn't make sense to do a Minako memorial one since I incorporated some of that in the Sailor Venus/Minako video. Plus they make this big deal with her dying on the show, but she obviously in some way gets resurrected or something, cause she's shown at the end of the Final Act and also in the Special Act (set four years after the Final Act), when she should be dead. Her death had nothing to do with her being a senshi (like how the senshis' deaths were at the end of seasons 1 and 5 of the anime and of the beginning and end of the manga); it was clear throughout the series that she had a terminal illness, and although I don't think it's ever said for certain what her disease is, I'm guessing it's probably some kind of cancer. This is because she does have a tendency to pass out (especially later in the series), which could be from chemotherapy, and also in Act 23 after talking to Rei, she is seen doing her checkup, and the huge thing they put her in looks very much like a MRI scanner, and I think MRIs are used in cancer treatment. If that is what she does every month, maybe she has brain cancer? The only thing refuting this is that she never seems to lose her hair, and it definitely does not look like a wig. Also there is talk of an operation, and cancer only really relies on operations to get tumors out, which seems impossible in Minako's case, since she says she'd have like a 0% chance of recovery if she had surgery. (Which suggests she died either on the operating table or in the recovery room, since in Act 47 she does go through with the surgery).

I made some headway with my major research, looking up the articulation of English majors at some Cal States on ASSIST. Basically will classes I take at jr. college transfer as lower division requirements.

However, I made the mistake of telling my mom this, and she went into the room and board speech again about how they can't afford room and board if I go away and to consider going to the nearby Cal State in another town in the county (I won't say which one so as not to reveal where I live besides the state). What she implies by this is that I would go there and live at home while doing so. Hello, what 20-something gal wants to live at home when she's already lived at home about three years going to community college? And what if I meet my future spouse there, and he's from around here too, and I end up living here for the rest of my life? I couldn't do it. I have this urge to travel that will not go away, and I know just living near where I was born and raised ain't gonna cut it. I mean, I don't have any like severe wanderlust or whatever, like I can't stay in a place long or anything.

My problem in terms of financial aid is that my parents are upper-middle-class white people. This means I am not likely to get any grants from the government. I would have to be like poor and Latina or something to get that (please...I am not racist...I'm just saying). Thanks to affirmative action and the desire of the government to help kids from poor families make it into college, most of the funds go to minorities and poor people. Not that those methods are horrible in and of themselves. I think it's good to help the disadvantaged and also help to diversify our schools with people of different races who might otherwise be underrepresented. I mean, at Tri-City, there were mostly white people, with a few African-Americans, one or two Asians, and a few "Persians" (as they called themselves, I'm not sure what the official term is).

I just wonder about me, and my brother, for that matter, who is almost out of high school. Neither one of us is likely to get a lot of money for college. Fortunately, he is better at saving money than I am, so I imagine he'll have some saved up. I am horrible at saving money, going through my paycheck usually as far as I can go so that pretty much nothing's left in savings.

All of this put a damper on my spirits, even though hanging out with Amy was fun. I guess I could talk to God about this, but I'm not too sure about his provision. I mean he's not just going to provide if I don't do anything. Don't they say, "Heaven helps those who help themselves"? It's not magic. Even though I've read stories of people who needed money for something and prayed and got a mysterious envelope in the mail with the exact amount of money they needed (or something similar), I feel kinda skeptical about that.

Speaking of spiritual stuff, the weirdest thing happened last night. Well maybe not weird, but it seems like a weird thing now, in terms of coincidences. Emilee, this girl in my Growth Group, felt I had opened up more and grown so much during Snow Blast, that she bought me A NEW BIBLE and a BIBLE COVER!! It was so random. I mean, it's not even my birthday or anything. The reason it seemed like a weird coincidence is I've been saying I needed a new Bible for months, cause my one from 5 years ago or so that Mum got me is literally falling apart. I put pieces of medical adhesive tape across the spine just so it would stay together for Snow Blast, for goodness sake! But I couldn't decide which one to get, cause I really want to do more with the Bible than just read it, but I'm not sure how to go about it. And here she goes and buys me a Bible. How weird. Believe me, I don't remember ever praying about this. It's like God knew I needed it, so he got me one. Which is really truly weird.

Speaking of Snow Blast, it was good. No snow, but oh well. The talks were on heaven, and Steve (the speaker) did this one dramatic monologue thing that I've seen him do before (he used to work for the church as head of student ministries then left to plant his own church) about a grumpy workaholic guy who goes to work and Jesus comes back and the guy experiences the believers' judgment and realizes his life has little eternal significance...and then at the end, it turns out to be a dream. (Figures). Yet he is inspired to live differently from then on. This got me to thinking about my own life and the lack of eternal significance in it. I prayed longer and harder than I have at all in recent years, taking time in the prayer room (a room in the lodge set aside for prayer and stuff) after breakfast and then some time during solo time sitting under a tree.

I did feel God telling me I needed to change. I also felt moved to pray for people who cannot assemble freely to worship God, but I have no idea why I felt this urging. As for the rest, I was so into it I'm not entirely sure what I said or what God said. I could try to say, but it would be a reconstruction at best.

I did feel closer to God this last weekend than at other camps. I even took a couple pictures of my solo time spot as mementos.

I need to stop writing this and get this stuff out of my head, at least for now. I would go to bed now, but I am waiting for my laundry so that at least some of my sheets will be clean and I'll have something to sleep under tonight. (I'm washing my sheets and blankets to see if that'll get out the smell in my room). I guess I could go take a shower, although I don't have any shampoo at present. I keep forgetting to buy shampoo cause of my smaller check this time around (I just spent $13 of my money buying dinner for Amy and I tonight, which means if I want more money I'll have to take out more, and after taking out $50 for Mum, my check of $103 and something was cut basically in half, and there's little left). I'll see if Mum has some I can use.

GOOD NIGHT!

Negative thoughts log and thoughts on wellness project

For my health class, I have to log all my negative thoughts in a 24-hour period, write down the distortions of the thoughts, then come up with a positive alternative for those thoughts. Personally I don't really like the assignment. I don't like being that honest with anybody. Plus my thoughts don't look as good on paper. In fact, they look pretty dumb on paper.

We went to the library today as a class. I have done this so many times that during it I was really bored. Well I was really tired too. It did get me thinking though. I am not sure what to do for my Lifestyle Wellness project. I was thinking of doing something on sleep deprivation, since I do have a problem with that, but I'm sure a lot of people are going to do that. Then I thought about doing something about my social anxiety (I think cause the librarian who talked to us mentioned a reference work called the Encyclopedia of Phobias, Fears, and Anxieties). I don't know how I could make a plan to try to change that. I mean I don't have a car so it's not like I can drive downtown and go to clubs and stuff (even though I'm old enough to go clubbing).

Well I have a while to think about it, anyway. I need to focus on my Service Learning project, which is due at the end of March.

I'm tired so I think I'm going to bed now.

A bit of relief

Well I talked to Dannie and she said she had to shift some hours so she had someone who was more productive on cards and stuff on Saturdays. So part of it is me and part of it is not me. I forgot to ask her what I could do to be more productive. I'll have to do this next time I see her.

Yesterday though was annoying cause I had to leave the Naked Bean cause I was eating my lunch from somewhere else in there, which I had done before without anybody saying anything, cause somebody came up to me and told me I couldn't. Well I guess that was reasonable.

But Lenora made me throw away papers I had written some Bible verses down on from the Jewish Study Bible we got in on Monday cause supposedly copying down verses from a Bible that's not yours is "reproducing" it "in any form," which is supposedly copyright infringement. Grr. And she told me to make sure things were ok behind the counter before I did other things (I was looking at a college book while watching the front). For her, this means straightening bags, picking up trash, and other real menial things which she really harps on having done.

I guess that's all I have to say. More later.

Worried

I just have to get this out...I am worried about work. They have cut me back to 4-hour shifts two days a week. I hope this isn't cause of me. Mum has a feeling that my supervisor Lenora may have talked to my boss and this has resulted in an hours cutback.

Is this job not right for me? If so, then what is right for me? Oh God, why don't you let me in on your plans for me so I can find a job that is right for me?

*sigh*

Bombardment of confusion

I'd thought that since I picked my classes and gotten that in order, and that work was overall going ok that I would be happy right now. But I'm not.

First of all, my spiritual life is a mess. I don't know why I even work in a Christian bookstore. Sure, I'm a Christian, but I'm a rotten one. I can't understand or apply the Bible, I probably have just as many or more non-Christian friends as I do Christian friends, I barely pray, I can't get anything out of the Christian Living books I read, I seem to have a fascination with magic right now (Harry Potter, Winx Club, Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon, and my two magic-related video games, Tales of Symphonia and Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles)--which is supposedly wicked for a Christian considering how many "prevent your child from becoming a Wiccan" books there are out right now--and there are definitely times I don't obey my parents and lie, plus I have stolen in the past, and I am more or less obsessed with money and with enjoying things. If something is boring or not enjoyable, I want to get out of it. What happened to good ol' Christian perseverance? Out the window. Plus I worry about what people think. A LOT.

Second, my worries (another sign of my spiritual mess) about career and future have been heightened lately with thoughts about school approaching, and the seemingly endless vocational tech school commercials that are on TV right now. They all talk about how great and fulfilling it is to be a medical assistant, massage therapist, graphic designer...well sorry but I stink at art and I DON'T WANT TO BE IN THE MEDICAL FIELD!!!! I have said that a gazillion times. I have no desire to be in the medical field (cause my math and science grades stink and I know I wouldn't be able to handle the exposure to blood and body parts), nor do I want to join the armed forces (another thing they push for people my age since they pay for your schooling once you've served your term of duty), since again, I can't stand the sight of blood (except my own...I can handle that, and in the movies only to an extent), plus chances are I would get sent to Iraq and probably be killed or taken hostage or something, even if I was working in intelligence like my uncle. Which is another reason why I don't want to be in the armed forces. People would say I went into it because my uncle and both grandfathers had served or are serving (in my uncle's case) in the armed forces. It'd be even worse if I joined the Navy, since my uncle is in the Navy, and my dad's dad was in the Navy (ok, the Seabees, but it's part of the Navy), or the Coast Guard since my mom's dad was in that.

I don't want to go into something just cause someone in my family is currently doing it or has done it. I also don't want to go into something that's a stereotypical women's job, like being a teacher, nurse, or secretary, which have been strictly women's jobs for decades. Then people would say "Oh of course she's a teacher/nurse/secretary. She's a woman," and feminists would hate me. Plus teachers don't get paid very much, and according to my mom, money is the key thing. (Ok, she didn't use those words, but that's what I get out of what she does say). I think this is why she doesn't seem to support me being a writer, which is what I have wanted to be for years but am worried I can't be cause I have to make money so I can move out before I like, turn 40, and if I train for another career on the side, I might get mega involved in that and never write, or some weird thing like that.

Good God, I don't know what I'm doing. I wish people would quit asking me what my major is and all that crud. I wish I had direction for my life. I mean, even Amy, whose life took a major turn when she became a mother at 18, has found direction for her life by training to work in web design. Kalei is going to be a equine massage therapist. My brother is going to be a firefighter. (Heck, even my 16-year-old brother knows what he wants to do and I don't!! What is wrong with me?!) EVERYBODY KNOWS WHAT THEY'RE GOING TO DO EXCEPT ME!!! DID I MISS THE "LIFE DIRECTION TRAIN" OR SOMETHING?!

Ok...I have to stop writing. I need to clean my room and plus I am on the verge of crying here. Later.

Whoa..sorry for the delay

I just realized I haven't written in here for over a month!! I guess I got busy with work and finals and stuff. Last week was particularly busy at work.

I guess I don't really have anybody to apologize to...I mean, who actually reads this thing? I haven't put up the link in too many places, just the 2 forums I belong to, and I guess on the Blogger listing. I have mostly gotten comments that are just stupid ads as of recently.

Let's see...what has happened?

Well I have to back up to November, I guess.

We went up to Lone Pine to visit my grandpa and his wife Barbara (not my grandmother...she died, and then my grandpa remarried) for Thanksgiving, but just for overnight since both my brother and I had to work on that Saturday and couldn't get out of it. I bought a cool picture of a fairy named Celadine and a cute fairy key chain at this little store for Amy's Christmas present, plus a windmill magnet at this art guild place for myself.

The first two weeks of December are hell incarnate for a college student. As finals loom ahead, all the big projects are assigned or are due. I had things for three different classes due on Thursday of the second week, plus I got scheduled to work that day for some strange reason (I'm usually off on Thursday). It was hectic. I had my Piaget Assignment due for Human Development, a final lab to do and a Lab Final due for Chemistry, and stuff to finish for Microsoft Access, plus a "capstone project" involving Excel and Powerpoint and extra credit all due. The worst of it was having to rush down to Albertson's to develop my stupid film in order to get one measly picture for my Piaget assignment, and then having to walk back cause the girl who gave me a ride there had to leave to pick up her kids. It was around 2:30, and it's nearly a half-hour's walk back to school, added to waiting for the bus to take me up the hill to school, and I had to be at class at 3:00. Let's just say it was around 3:20 when I arrived, exhausted and very stressed out.

Somehow I got everything turned in, albeit some of the Access stuff was a little late. But pretty much just the stuff that had to be turned in via this online program thing called SAM. Which meant I didn't actually need to use Access, which is good cause Microsoft Office 2003 Student and Teacher's Edition (the version of Office installed on my laptop) does not include Access.

Somehow I got through that fiasco of an ordeal, then had to take finals. Monday of finals week, my history final was due. But it wasn't too hard, since it was an online class, which basically implies open book, open note, etc. There were 3 essay questions. That stuff didn't take so long. In the end, I got a B in the class, not half bad.

Tuesday morning I had my chemistry final. I studied as well as one can when one crams for a 10-chapter cumulative chemistry final. Which isn't quite as well as one ought to study for such a final, obviously. I did get a B in that class though in the end, which is good.

Thursday afternoon I had my human development final. Fortunately most of the test was on the last 4 chapters, with a small cumulative section. I studied long and hard for this one, spreading lots of reading and video-making (using Windows Movie Maker) and skimming the study guide over the course of at least 2 days. I got an A in this class.

My computer grades were good (basically all the grades come from the SAM stuff, and either you pass and get full points, or you don't pass and don't get any points, though except for tests, you are able to do the thing again and again until you pass). I got an A after all that struggle with getting Access done. Yay.

I would've tried to take the certification exams for Office that you can take after finishing that class, but I am still undecided as to whether or not to take them. I will get a Microsoft Office User Proficient Level certificate from the school though, cause I applied for it. I hope that means the classes I put towards it (this class and the one before it) still count for credit, cause I still need transfer units. I just checked my transcript online and I have 64.50 transferable units, if I read the thing right. That means I have more than enough to transfer to a Cal State (which requires 56). I just need to finish the IGETC stuff (I'm almost done, but I still have to take "Oral Communications" and Bio) and basic Cal State transfer stuff (Speech, Bio, and Health, plus the American Institutions requirement). I don't know if stuff from the IGETC counts for both...I'd have to ask. If not, I need to take some more G.E. classes.

Well I gotta go in a few minutes to go to work. It's casual week, so I get to wear slacks! Yay!

Just one more thing: I registered for spring! I am taking Health, Beginning Keyboard/Piano I, History of the Americas, and some more computer classes (typing and office skills...you never know when you'll need them).

Checking out college and career

I have gotten back into my research using the resources the career counselor gave me. I had taken some assessments but that was all. So I actually looked at some careers on Eureka (www.eureka.org), which is a great site, plus I did some more assessments. Then I finally went to www.assist.org, the official website for transfer students in the state. Cal State Long Beach looked promising in terms of courses transferring (some other places looked good, but a lot of the lower-division courses didn't have matching courses at Mira Costa that I could take to get them out of the way before transferring) so I went to the website, via CSUMentor, a site with info on the Cal State system (CSU stands for California State University, but most people call CSU campuses "Cal State" for short).

I mainly looked up the English and History majors, since those are my top two interests and my best subjects. I was fascinated with the school's history program. They have very interesting senior seminars, including one just on the Holocaust. I guess they must have a big Jewish community in that area. Hmm. There is the Simon Weisenthal Center in L.A. (I just did a lookup) plus the Museum of Tolerance, which has a large Holocaust section, is in Torrance, which I think is in that general area. There's also the L.A. Holocaust Monument. There's also a History Honors Society at the school, Phi Alpha Theta.

The English department page didn't have quite as much info, but it still looked good. If I wanted to be a writer but major in History, they have a Creative Writing minor, where you can take a class in a bunch of specific topics, including Arthurian Literature! What fun that would be.

The problem is I might be required to take the Creative Writing course Mira Costa offers, and it's only on Wednesdays (reminds me of the book Libby on Wednesday...her writing group met on Wednesdays) and I usually work on Wednesdays.

That's why I never took the class before, because of work. I've been working basically since my second semester of college (well, since March 2004, which was near the beginning of my second semester). I'm in my fifth semester. Technically, I have gone to junior college longer than the expected two years. By the end of next spring it will have been 3 years, and if I have to do major prep, it will probably be longer. Not I don't like school. But after a while you sort of want to be out of college.

At any rate, Cal State Long Beach sounds promising. It's close to the beach, which is nice cause I like the beach, and even though I live near it now, I don't get down there enough. (Then again, the city is called Long Beach, right?) It's close to quite a few attractions, like Disneyland. I think there are a lot of museums in the area, too (but if I am a history major they'll probably make us visit a lot of them anyway). I'd love to go to the Huntington Gardens and the Getty (John Paul Getty Museum) again, which are both in that general area. (We didn't get to see much of the art at the Huntington when we went there on a field trip cause our bus driver got lost and we were an hour late for our tour). I also want to see this one painting that is supposed to be at the Getty that I saw a picture of in my art history book. I forgot who it's by.

I am going to look at a few others. I had looked at Cal State East Bay before (f.k.a. Cal State Hayward Hills). At least I feel like I am going in the right direction. Maybe God is answering my prayers after all, by motivating me to research this using the resources I have obtained to find a major. They say "heaven helps those who help themselves," but as a Christian who learned about depending on God and stuff like that, I never thought that saying was true.

As for other stuff, I just read a book Mum had given me a while back called What to Do When You Don't Know What to Do. It's by two of her favorite authors and speakers, Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. They have written a lot of other books, together and separately, including the well-known Boundaries and its various "sequels" (if they can be called that) like Boundaries in Dating (which I have). They are like the main guys when it comes to Christian counseling books.

Anyway, the book outlines 8 principles for, as the title suggests, "what to do when you don't know what to do." I found it rather interesting, but I think I have to read it again to get something to jump out at me.

I have figured out God must be telling me to work on prayer. I mean, just seeing something about this pop up once is one thing, and having it happen twice can be dismissed as a coincidence. But four times in one week I have heard or read about this subject! First in relation to making prayerful decisions about dating in the talk at the Jordan last Sunday. Then when I went to Intervarsity (as I wrote in the last entry) the talk was about Hannah and about praying about tough times. Then when reading the Cloud and Townsend book, they quoted the verse in James that says "If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him." Then last night, when I had to go with my Growth Group to the "Big Event" at church (an event relating to our church's building campaign) Pastor Larry said we should prayerfully consider donating to the project.

It's not that I haven't been praying. We pray a lot at work. But I don't pray a lot by myself or in other settings. Though I prayed to God to help me figure out how to put the new audio Bibles on the shelf and make it look shoppable, and I was able to. I didn't say those exact words (it was more like God please help me do this) but it did work.

I wonder if I am afraid of prayer. I ought not to be. But maybe I am. I mean, I didn't have that much trouble with it before Grandma died, the situation with Kyle, the pressures of high school, and Gran's death. Not as much anyway.

One of the songs we sang last night at the "Big Event" says: "I am a friend of God. I am a friend of God. I am a friend of God. He calls me friend...I am a friend of God. I am a friend of God. I am a friend of God. You call me friend." I have heard this song in the store too but never thought much of it.

Ok this is getting too heady. I need to stop for a while.

No work or school today, so I have a day off, but I do have to go to this fundraising banquet tonight for the homeless shelter my mom volunteers with (she's chairman of the board) cause my mom wants all of us to come. I'm not too thrilled about it, to be honest, but since she insisted I go, I'll go and make the best of it.

Oh...update on the Thanksgiving situation. (Or "sitch," as Kim Possible would say). The good news is we're all driving up there together, which means not having to deal with just me and my brother both ways. Then I think my brother and I are driving back Friday cause both of us have to work Saturday. But I only have to work from opening to 2pm on Saturday, which is like 4 hours. That's good, cause 1) with the sale the place will probably be a madhouse (like with the last sale) and so I wouldn't want to work all day and 2) since I get off early I can get myself home, which is good cause my parents will still be up in Lone Pine with my grandpa (they're staying an extra day).

I also get paid right before the sale (next Tuesday), which means maybe I can get some Christmas shopping done early. I need to ask what people want for Christmas and who I have to shop for outside my family (sometimes we give whole-family gifts to our relatives and sometimes not, and I might get something for Amy too...I wouldn't have to get things for my colleagues if I don't want to, cause we're having a gift exchange at the Christmas party anyway).

Ok I really need to stop writing. I haven't had lunch yet.

Gas, Hannah, and other stuff

Today our lab in chemistry was about gas laws. We had to measure gas in an Eyrlenmeyer flask (who was Eyrlenmeyer anyway?) by putting it in water and stuff. I did it with a girl named Leslie this time (since my lab partner dropped the class at the beginning of the semester, I have to do my labs with a different person each time, though I usually get people more than once cause the same people will be absent. So I have done it with Penni and Teresa, Bobbie, Kyle, and now Leslie. We talked a lot while waiting for our water to boil, about musical theatre and stuff. (Sure beats Bobbie's long and sometimes gross stories about being a medic-in-training with the U.S. Army Reserves).

I finally went to Intervarsity today, after having not gone to the meetings in, gosh, probably more than a year. First, my work schedule had interfered, when I started at Loaves and Fishes I was busy with school I guess, and then having lab on Thursdays this semester made it problematic. But today I went anyway.

The talk was about Hannah and how she asked God for a son because she was barren (hadn't been able to have any kids). Now, having been raised in the church and working in Sunday School for about 5 years, I have heard this story quite a bit. Not preached on, necessarily, just as a Bible story.

Marcus (the leader) gave the talk. It was about how we deal with tough times, and also about prayer and how we can bring anything to God. I had never heard the story of Hannah used to illustrate that point before. When one talks about people having hard times, usually one talks about Joseph or Jonah or Paul. As for prayer, there are passages on that too. But what Marcus was saying made sense to me, oddly. Silently after I left the meeting, I thanked God for luring (well, maybe not luring--one tends to think of that word more describing the devil--but that's the best word I can think of) me to the meeting, because I felt that I had needed to hear that talk, since I am going through a lot of stuff right now, and especially having trouble with prayer.

As for work...work is going good. Our sale is coming up pretty soon, right after Thanksgiving actually which I think is next week. I only have to work Saturday of those two days since I get Fridays off this month. What is kind of problematic is that my mom wants to get together with Grandpa (her dad) and Barbara (the lady he married after Grandma died) for Thanksgiving. I was going to try to get time off, but it became clear that that was pretty much non-negotiable, especially with the sale. My brother has to work too. So I am going to wind up driving 6 hours with my brother, to and from Lone Pine. I should mention that my brother and I don't get along all that well a good portion of the time (occasionally we do). From what he says, I'll probably wind up listening to Johnny Cash the whole trip. Grrreat. He knows I don't like country music!!!

Well I'll make the best of it.

I need to go so I can re-watch my review videos one more time before my test. Ciao!

Careers, Zeal, Covenants, etc.

My career counseling appointment went well. After asking some basic questions, Robin (the counselor) showed me some websites and also let me take the True Colors personality test again (the one I took at her seminar). I am going to try to look over that stuff today, since I don't have to work (we just got a new person so I get Fridays off...at least this month...yay!). I do need to clean my room though cause Mum asked me to. But I'll have some time to myself tonight cause of Andrew's football game.

One site Robin showed me is assist.org, which is the official transfer site for California. Oddly enough, my Human Development teacher mentioned that site yesterday in class in regards to a psychology major. Strange coincidence.

Maybe I will finally get around to watching my new DVD today. I bought Nausicaa of the Valley of Wind a few days ago. It's an older Hayao Miyazaki film (he did Spirited Away and Princess Mononoke too, among others) that just recently came out on DVD in English. I might get Porco Rosso too, which is another old Miyazaki film that was recently released. Too bad I couldn't have got it this week cause it's set in the 1920's (I think) which is what we're studying in Western Civ (well and the 1930's too) this week.

I haven't watched my Generator Gawl DVD's yet either. I watched the "clean" opening and ending credits (no credits, just the images) to see if I could get clips from them for Windows Movie Maker (and had to change the color on my laptop to 16 bit cause the DVD player required it...grr). This did not work though. Watching the ending again though was pretty fun cause I actually realized that in every shot Gawl is sleeping. I guess they sort of compressed the image in the ending with credits, so I didn't notice.

I also bought more manga. I now have all the Magic Knight Rayearth mangas (both series, since I just bought volume 3 of 3 of Magic Knight Rayearth II) and all of Man of Many Faces (there's only 2 volumes of that, and I just bought volume 2). They have box sets of the MKR TV show (dubbed as Rayearth for season 1 and Rayearth II for season 2) at Suncoast Motion Picture Co. (which has lots of anime stuff, though the toys and such seem to all be from Inuyasha at the moment, which is not a series I have ever seen). They also had DVD's for $9.99 of a series called Project A-ko which I have been wanting to see on video. (It's just been released on video, not TV over here...I don't know if it ever was on TV to begin with, here or in Japan). I went back and forth about getting it and finally decided to wait. Though I like it, I have 2 problems. First, I first found out about this series from mangas I borrowed from Kyle, this guy I had a "relationship" (just a close friendship, actually, since he had a girlfriend, but I began to feel it was more) with that ended up not going well. Secondly, when my parents saw the mangas (after my brother saw them and thought they were bad so he ratted on me) they disapproved of them cause of the nudity. Now there isn't a lot of nudity in it (I'm not into porn or anything) but apparently enough for them to not like it. Then again, I'm not surprised Kyle had them cause he seems like a person who would be into porn. I mean, he has no respect for women sexually-wise, thinking of having sex with them as a sort of conquest (according to how he responded when I last saw him, randomly, wayyyy after we "broke up" -- if it can be called that -- when I asked him if he had had sex with Rosanne, his girlfriend, as I had heard from his sister Rhoda, who I still hear from and all and who suspected as such. He seemed proud of it...eww!!). I understand the show was originally going to be an installment of Cream Lemon, a notorious hentai anime show (hentai is basically anime porn) but instead it became its own non-hentai series. Now the videos do warn you that there is violence and brief nudity, which is basically bad enough to rate them at 13 and up (a special "rating" they put on certain anime DVD's, even the uncut Sailor Moon S DVD's -- probably cause of Haruka and Michiru, who are a homosexual couple in the original show, and plus there's more violence than in the first 2 seasons--and also some Tenchi Muyo DVD's, particularly the movies, all of which contain violence and some "bath" nudity--"baths" in Japan are like spas to us--that was edited with the painting on of swimsuits on TV).

The talk at The Jordan (my church's college group) this last Sunday was on spiritual zeal. I missed group cause I hadn't planned on going cause I figured we'd stay all day at the pier, instead of getting home at 5ish pm. I went to my Growth Group (home Bible study) last night so we talked more about it. I realized I don't have that much zeal for God. It reminds me of Tales of Symphonia. No matter what happens, even after the whole thing with the goddess Martel is revealed to be a sham of a plot by power-hungry evolved beings (or "angels" as most people call them), Colette still believes in Martel, which I guess seems understandable, since she's the Chosen of Mana for Sylvarant, who is supposed to save the world and "revive" Martel from her sleep in order to do so. She's been raised like everybody else to worship Martel, and probably more so as the Chosen. But it seems as if her belief in Martel never wavers, as the others' belief does. I think she definitely has spiritual zeal. She is devoted to Martel, and willing even to sacrifice herself to the twisted use of Cruxis (the organization of angels that supposedly serve Martel, but in reality includes the bad guys, the Desians, and has its own agenda) in order to serve her.

Not that zeal in Christianity is quite like that. Someone already made the ultimate sacrifice for us, not to become a vessel for a goddess (as is Cruxis's plan for Colette and for the Chosens in general), but to sacrifice himself for our sins and reconcile us to God forever (not just until the time for the next Chosen's journey comes, as in Colette's case). And because we accept his salvation, we ought to be zealous about God and his word, the same way we get excited about getting a paycheck at work or something.

I need to think that over more. And pray about it.

I am reading the fourth book in the Caitlin diaries of the Diary of a Teenage Girl series by Melody Carlson, which is called On My Own. I absolutely love this series, and we have all the books at work, so that's where I get them (I buy them so I have more time to read them, what with school and all, plus I don't have to worry about getting something on them while I'm eating, like I would if I was borrowing it, cause we borrow books off the sale floor so they have to stay in saleable condition). In the Caitlin series, there's a boy named Josh. He has a thing for Caitlin, and she for him, and I think they dated some but then broke things off when they couldn't keep their hands off each other. (He also has a sister named Chloe who is Caitlin's friend, and who I imagine the Chloe diaries in this same series are probably about). Anyway, in this book, he proposes something, inspired by a paper he wrote for a class at the Bible college he's attending. He proposes he and Caitlin make a covenant to get engaged, like in Old Testament times. Most of her friends, and also her roommate Liz, think the idea is pretty nuts. I personally thought it was a little weird too, but kind of interesting. I mean, is that like being engaged in terms of today's norms, or not? Caitlin's friends and parents seem to think so, but I'm not sure. At any rate, I imagine it will lead to an engagement, cause I sneaked a peek at the back of the fifth and final Caitlin diary and it has her marrying Josh, so I figure that they'll get together, probably when Caitlin is out of college (she's a year younger than Josh).

Well I am going to use the restroom and then start on getting my room clean so I can get my laundry started early so it's done before other people in the house need to do laundry (that was a big hassle last time). I think getting the laundry off the floor will help a LOT. (That's usually what makes my room messy). I want to make sure to clean my desk so I can use my laptop on there more and actually not have to worry about changing my position when my arm gets sore (which it does when I'm using my laptop on my bed). After that, I need to see if I have any homework, cause I'd like to get that done early. I think I do. Especially since I have Ambience Sunday night so I have to be early. I need to get caught up on Western Civ reading if I haven't already (I have to check) and do the questions we're supposed to answer in our notebooks. That way I won't be swamped with having to play catchup right before finals, which are a little more than a month away.

The Spring schedule is coming out soon, but it's online already so I'm going to try to pick out my classes early. I might as well ask Dannie if my schedule is going to change a lot, like in terms of what days I have off and so forth, cause I'd like to try to do what I am doing now and go to school on my days off so it doesn't conflict with my work schedule and I don't have to go to school and work on the same day (like my coworker Brandon does). I also plan on trying to free up lunch hour on Thursdays so I can start going to Intervarsity again. (Intervarsity is a Christian club on campus). Assuming I don't wind up having to work on Thursdays. I stopped going cause work conflicted (at Wendy's) and when I switched jobs, initially I had work and school together and got busy, and this semester I have lab on Thursdays, which usually doesn't get done before 12:00 pm, when the Intervarsity meetings start. If I don't work during the day on Wednesdays (like if I work 4-8pm as I've been doing lately) I'll go to the Intervarsity Bible Study too. Actually I could be doing that now but I do other stuff instead. Which is kinda dumb. And when Marcus (one of the leaders) asked me about it, I said I had to work, which was true, but I don't have to work at the time they have the Bible study (at least not right now) so I really have no excuse. I need to get more into the Bible anyway.

It's said that "No man is an island." But when things get overwhelming, I shut myself off from everybody and try to deal with the problem by myself. Like that Relient K song that says "I'll kill the thing that turns me away/amputate the arm that will disobey/withdraw from everything that's hurting me/until you finish your work in me." I want to be independent, sure I do, but I am quickly realizing I need society...I need other people. I think this is why Christian in The Pilgrim's Progress is so happy to have a companion --first Faithful, who he meets along the way, and then Hopeful (who joins Christian after Faithful is martyred at Vanity Fair). And that is why God said at the creation that "it is not good for the man to be alone."

In reading the Caitlin diary, I have to admit I sympathized a bit on both sides. I could understand Caitlin's frustration at dealing with a difficult person who you are stuck with nearly daily (in her case, her roommate Liz). I go through this with my coworker Brandon, who annoys the heck out of me most of the time. But I could also identify with Liz. Liz left the church cause she wound up having an affair with her youth pastor and thus was mad at God for allowing that to happen. So, she has trouble trusting people and has very few friends. I am like that too, a lot. Especially since the situation with Kyle. Not that that pushed me away from the church. But that, added to my grandmothers' deaths and the pressures of high school, helped fuel the fire of my bitterness and anger toward God. (I like how Chloe responds when Caitlin asks her how high school is. She says: "Oh, it's pretty much the same. Too many insecure kids, like me I suppose, all trying to act cool but looking like complete morons just the same." That is so true!!)

In the movie we watched yesterday in Human Development, the narrator said that adolescence is a time when we begin to think of idealistic settings -- how the world ought to be -- and we often find the world ---and especially our parents --- come up short of our ideals. Now I am technically out of adolescence (I'm 21...and I can't believe I put that in my blog for all to see, but then again pretty much not very many people know the URL to my blog, and the people that know already know my age). But I still feel its effects.

I guess this is why a lot of teenagers and college students turn away from God, cause they don't think he measures up either.

Gosh look at how the time's flown by. I've been writing for like an hour or so, actually like an hour and a half. I need to get working on my room!! Bye for now.

Sorry for not posting

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. There wasn't really anything to post.

Today is Halloween. I expect I'll have door duty for tonight again...oh wait I work tonight. Nice.

Last Friday was my 21st birthday!! I am really, really happy. I haven't got all my presents yet (I think we're waiting for Andrew to get his, and he has to wait till payday) but I did get one really big present: a laptop!!!!!! I am typing this on it, as a matter of fact, cause it's set up for the internet. Nice...

I have cupcakes and two cakes now --- one from Growth Group and one from work. Also Mum and Papa bought me a small cheesecake. Fun.

Yesterday we went to the Santa Monica Pier all together (we got the idea of doing that from a Travel Channel program I was watching a little while ago about a hotel near there). We had lunch at a Mexican restaurant called Mariasol. There was a street juggler out on the deck of the pier near our outside table, and so we watched him a little bit while eating.

After eating, we went to the arcade for a while. On the way, I bought a little dolphin figurine, a glass bottle with sand and shells in it, and three postcards at a gift shop. I had also bought a floppy hat earlier that says "Santa Monica California" on it.

At the arcade, I played Knock Down (that game where you shoot balls at these clown heads), another game where you try to knock the teeth of these clowns down, Cruisin' USA, and an arcade version of Soul Calibur II (at which I actually did really well, oddly enough). I also got one of those cool photo booth pics with the color frames, and Mum and I squeezed into another booth for a strip of pictures. Then we all played Skee Ball. After that, everyone gave me their tickets (since it was my birthday weekend) and I traded them in for a bracelet and a back scratcher.

Then we actually went on some of the rides. We all went on the ferris wheel (and tried to take pictures from the top) and the roller coaster (which looked like a kiddie roller coaster but was actually a teensy bit scary) and then Andrew and I went on the bumper cars. As we left, we went by the carousel cause I really wanted to ride it. I bought two postcards and a magnet at the Carousel Gift Shop and then went on the carousel. Then we left.

Last night my mom trimmed my hair (cause people at my work were bugging me about it) and then proceeded to pluck my eyebrows, which I did not like. Finally I agreed to waxing cause it's one big pain and then it's over. So my mom did that instead and things went faster. When I looked in the mirror, I was quite shocked. Apparently I had so much ends to cut off, I now have "collarbone-length" hair. And I HATE SHORT HAIR!!! I have always liked having long hair, because you're not as likely to be mistaken as a boy. Ok, I know that's stupid to think, cause I am 21 and have obviously learned what psychologists call gender constancy (the knowledge that people retain their genders despite changes in appearance). But still...

Pity I don't have a long robe and plain long dress and crown...with that and curling my hair, I could dress up as Lucy from Narnia for Halloween...except I'm too tall.

I guess I could curl my hair...

In other news, I am trying to take iniative with my life. I renewed my driver's permit and made an appointment for career counseling so I can explore some careers in hopes of helping my major decision.

Also Dannie (my boss) and I had a long talk on Saturday. She said I need to improve my social skills cause she has been getting complaints about me. I am really scared cause I don't want to be fired. Mum thinks I should go to counseling, but I am afraid of that too cause last time I went to a counselor it didn't work out very well. It wasn't really about me as much as it was about repairing the relationship between my mom and me.

Well that's it. Bye.

The tales are over, and yet beginning again

I beat Tales of Symphonia!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! After maxing it out at 104+ hours over several months, I finally beat it. And with the benefit of replay with bonuses, I can play a new game and carry things over from the old game. Cool.