A little update

Hi there. How are things?

A lot has happened since Nov. 16. Still no job yet, but I have made steps. I went in and did an application and interview with a place called AppleOne, a job services place. I am also still waiting for definitive word back from Walgreen's. (I had an interview with them like 2 weeks ago and I still haven't heard anything conclusive). So things are looking up.

School is officially over for me for the fall semester. I took my last final yesterday. I am so happy that's over. That's one big load off my back. It's been a tough semester.

Right now, I am focusing on getting a job, planning for next semester schoolwise, and getting my Christmas shopping done. I thankfully am going to be able to buy presents as I hoped -- my parents agreed to give me money from my savings with them like I asked, and I got $68.75 from selling some of my books back, so a bunch of that went to Christmas presents. Plus I bought some stocking stuffers before my last Loaves & Fishes check ran out. So now I am almost done. I just need to finish buying the presents I've planned to buy for the family (my parents and my brother) as well as maybe something for my Aunt Jane, who I found out is coming for Christmas. Plus I need to buy a couple 4-square balls to bring for the church tree. (It's one of those things where you pick an ornament that has a certain needed item on it from some relief place in the area -- the balls I'm getting are for some shelter for boys). Then I need to make the little bag I'm making to hold this one present I got for my mom, and then wrap everything. With a little over a week until Christmas (10 days to be exact), I think I have plenty of time.

As for school prep, I wrote down a list of all the University Studies majors offered, and then chose the ones I was most interested in. I then took these and looked them up on Assist (a website for transfer students in CA) and typed up what CSU schools offered the majors I was interested in getting a University Studies A.A. in. I then narrowed these down more by circling the schools and subdegrees, etc I wanted to pursue further. Then I got info on the majors from the websites of the schools. Now I just need to look over that stuff.

I am still doing videos, although I got quite a shock on Tuesday -- my YouTube account got "permanently disabled." This is due to three videos they labeled as copyright-infringing. Now I would never deliberately infringe copyright. That's illegal and wrong. I even put copyright notices in the credits of my videos to avoid this. Yet they blocked my Katharine McPhee and Inuyasha vids (which had clips from fansites) and my video about May from Pokémon which had a few opening sequence clips and a bunch of still pics. And because there were multiple occurrances of this, they disabled my account. I do not understand how I violated copyright (I suppose with the Katharine McPhee one I can sort of understand, since American Idol is a network show -- but the facts that use of the clips was infringing would be the fansite makers' fault, not mine, right?).

I am now back where I originally was with hosting videos: on Putfile. Not as fancy but also less strict. Right now I only have a few videos on there that I put up this week when at school (since our family computer blocks Putfile as well as YouTube) -- I won't be able to put up any more until the internet on my laptop gets fixed or I go back to school, whichever comes first. I may try to get back on YouTube by creating a different e-mail account and going under that. I am still thinking about all that.

So anyway you can view my videos now at Starlight Starbright, my Putfile page (same account as in the pre-YouTube days, different page name).

Speaking of videos, I have progressed some with the fansub I was doing of the first episode of season 3 of Code Lyoko. I don't think I mentioned the fansub on here, just on Tech Links, the CL forum I was doing it for. Anyway, I got raw footage of the first episode of CL season 3 in French and proceeded to get a script, translate it, and do a fansub. You can download it in parts via Sendspace if you're interested. Here are the links:

Part 1: http://www.sendspace.com/file/4p1p0y
Part 2: http://www.sendspace.com/file/9z3mpj
Part 3: http://www.sendspace.com/file/2ovesq
Part 4: http://www.sendspace.com/file/sl1fa2

I've been on Sendspace since I started doing the fansub back in September. It's a great file sharing site AND our family comp doesn't block it like it does Rapidshare and Megaupload. I first learned of its existence back when doing that infamous Katharine McPhee video (which, now that I'm on Putfile, I may remake -- I'll have to read their Terms of Service first, since I already got a warning for putting a link in a comment...sheesh, why is that so bad? I'm not spamming!).

I have also been busy translating lyrics from the new CD Code Lyoko featuring The Subdigitals for the Tech Links people. This CD was recently released in France and features songs by a fictional band the characters in CL like (in the English version the band is called The Subsonics), as well as the show's French theme song as a "bonus track." You can see the lyrics, with my translations, if you like, by downloading them from the links below (listed in the order the songs appear on the CD):

-Ouvre Les Yeux (Open Your Eyes): http://www.sendspace.com/file/y1dbt4
-Technoïde (no real English translation for that word): http://www.sendspace.com/file/od26iu
-D'ici et d'ailleurs (From Here and Elsewhere): http://www.sendspace.com/file/43ixwr
-Ensemble (Together): http://www.sendspace.com/file/15c616
-Sauver Le Monde (To Save the World): http://www.sendspace.com/file/15c616
-La Tribu (The Tribe): http://www.sendspace.com/file/cw2c67
-Bienvenue (Welcome): http://www.sendspace.com/file/06rveb
-S'envoler (To Fly Away): http://www.sendspace.com/file/malych

They're all ZIP files; I made them that way so I could attach them to posts at Tech Links. I zipped the files using WinRAR archives, but saved the files as ZIP so they could be downloaded and opened by people who didn't have WinRAR.

These are not all the songs: Tracks 7 and 9, called "Rodéo" and "S'en Aller," and the first track, "Planet Net," are not listed. Another forum member translated "Planet Net" before me, getting the lyrics from a karaoke video posted on the net (which you can see at my Putfile page), so I didn't translate it right away (I have now though and I'll post it here) and the lyrics for the other two I just was able to get this morning from the French CL forum I've been getting lyrics from, so I haven't translated those yet.

Not much else to say. I was really tired when I got home yesterday, and mostly sat at the computer half-asleep. I went upstairs, showered, and did the Sailor Saturn video I'd planned to make (to "A DIEU," a song sung by Saturn's seiyuu, Minaguchi Yuko), saved the Movie Maker file, and then closed down my laptop and went to bed. This morning, I got up, did my morning stuff, saved the video to the computer, did some dishes, watched The Price is Right, and went on the family comp again over lunch, which is where I am now.

I'm tired. I'm just trying to kill time while my laundry finishes. I want to wait for it to finish before I go out and Christmas shop.

Trying to think things out

I'm planning to leave school soon, but I just wanted to get some things off my chest.

With spring semester coming up, and my plans changing to involve getting my A.A. in University Studies at that time (because I lost my job and may need to work full time), I have to think about classes to take toward my major, since after this semester I won't have any IGETC or Cal State G.E. requirements left. That is a big deal, because I would most likely be taking classes toward a major at a certain school, and I have to decide what school that will be.

I am pretty certain I will go to a Cal State if I go to a university -- I've been preparing for that anyway. The only Cal State schools in the county are Cal State San Marcos (CSUSM) and San Diego State University. Though CSUSM is closer to where I live, and the campus is lovely-looking, I don't really want to go there, for whatever reason. Maybe cause that's what my mom wants, and I'm not fully in agreement with that. I just recently started considering San Diego State, since it's considered part of the Cal State system. I can still commute there from home via public transit if I had to, but it's not too close for comfort.

I am considering History for a major, once again. For CSUSM's History B.A., I have most if not all of the requirements. The requirements are: 12 units of history in 2 different areas (which I can have in Western Civ and History of the Americas if I take the other Western Civ class), two classes in lit, religion, poli sci, econ, philosophy, sociology, anthropology, the arts, or a single discplinary field (I had to take 3 arts courses for the IGETC anyway, so that should count - I can ask), 3 units in a "separate and distinct area" (I've taken so many electives that I'm sure I have this covered), and English 100 (which I had to take for the IGETC anyway).

For SDSU's history B.A., I have met most of the requirements too. I have gotten 2 classes from the history classes you have to take 2 of (History of the Americas and Western Civ). I'd just have to take both sections of World History. I also have met the language requirement.

As for other Cal States, I'm only missing three classes toward the history major at CSU Long Beach, & 4 classes toward the history major at CSU San Bernadino -- the two closest campuses I could find info about.

I'm going to try to figure that out, possibly this weekend, although I do have a big anthro essay to write. Plus job-hunting since I still don't have a job and my final speech to do. *sigh*

At least Thanksgiving is coming up -- the holiday will give me time to think.

I'm gonna go so I can look for pics for my final speech boards before leaving school. If I can get my boards done today, it's one less thing.

A quick post

This'll be quick cause I'm supposed to mainly be using the internet on our computer downstairs for job hunting or school.

I tried to post on Sunday but the computer kinda froze up so it didn't work out. Wah.

Updates:

School: I started school at the end of August (I point this out cause the last post is from July, but I edited it Sunday which is why it has an October date). I am now at mid-semester, with the work piling up fast. I am taking Biological Anthropology, Principles of Oral Communication, Asian Philosophy & Religion, and History of the Americas, as I believe I said before. Right now I have an anthro essay due soon, a speech for my Oral Comm class coming up (and we just did another), a "microtheme" (mini-essay) for Philosophy due next week, and a research paper for History that I'm doing on Dutch expansion in the Americas. Plus we have our triterm in Philo on China in a few weeks.

As for what I'm studying...right now we're still in the early colonial age in History; we're studying Daoism right now in Philo, particularly the Tao Te Ching, which Professor Scott-James had us buy and read; we just started our Human Evolution unit in anthro, and we just finished our informative speeches in speech class, and now go on to the final lecture days of the whole semester, which are on how to do persuasive speeches. The rest of the class is going to be taken up by our two other speeches, our persuasive speech and our final speech. I already know my topics, since Mr. Moura contracted us on certain topics for all our speeches for the whole semester early on. My persuasive speech is on why we need fairy tales, which has been rather hard to come up with good arguments on...so much the stuff on fairy tales affect us is rather speculative or involves complex psychological stuff. My final speech is an informative one on tennis, and I have so much info I need to sit down and sift through it. I know I will definitely need a visual aid or two for that one, though it's not required; with my persuasive speech, there is not really anything that requires extra visual illustration, so I can do without a visual aid.

The main issue with my persuasive speech was that it was tough to figure out where all the info from my notes would fit in. So I scripted it, writing out more or less what I was going to say. I need one more source since I eliminated one of the fairy tale books I was going to use, but this is ok cause I need some statistic or scientific fact anyway to back up my assertion that you can get far in life by planning ahead and using your brain. I also may need to cut some stuff out cause it looks long. But this is mainly cause I use actual fairy tales as examples and thus have to give plot summaries of them all as briefly but as completely as possible.

Work: Bad. I found out I am going to be let go as of November 1. So I have to find a new job and fast. I am looking primarily for work involving computers that doesn't involve customer service (since I haven't been doing too good with customer service at Loaves & Fishes). There are some of these -- mainly receptionist and clerical jobs, as well as secretarial/admin assistant jobs -- but a bunch of them didn't work, because I didn't have prior experience, or they were too far away, or because I didn't know some programs, like Outlook or Quickbooks (an accounting program), or because I'm not bilingual (which around here means you speak English and Spanish fluently).

IVCF Fall Retreat: I just got back from this (well, not just, on Sunday). It was awesome. I felt like I was really touched by God while there, plus it was fun. We stayed in a nice hotel in Newport Beach and had big group sessions and seminars at nearby UC Irvine. Some parts of it were tiring, like the late nights (the evening session, with small groups afterwards, often did not get out till around 10:30) and walking up the long, steep ramp to the lecture hall where our main sessions were in my not-good-for-walking shoes (most of us wisely decided to park across the street by a shopping/food area called University Centre rather than pay $7/day to park in UCI's parking structure). We also had to pay for all our food, even breakfast. And pretty much everyone ate out -- I don't think anyone ate at the hotel restaurant or got room service that I know of. Some people were smart and bought groceries somewhere so they'd have snacks and stuff. I ate at La Salsa Fresh Mexican Grill with my carmates Elizabeth and Raquel for dinner the first night, had pita chips from Jamba Juice and a peanut butter bagel sandwich from Breugger's Bagels for breakfast with Cassandra and Yvette on Saturday morning (they put WAYY too much peanut butter on my bagel though), ate lunch Saturday afternoon at California Pizza Kitchen with a bunch of other people from my school who decided to make an excursion to South Coast Plaza, ate dinner to go Saturday night from In-n-Out with Cassandra and a couple other girls, found my own breakfast Sunday morning at a place just down the street from our hotel called Panini Garden Bistro (I got toast with butter, a scrambled egg, and a can of Coke all for $5.30 with tax), which I brought back to my hotel room to eat (I've never had toast and a scrambled egg to go from a restaurant before...it was interesting), and then ate lunch with a bunch of other people from school at a place in University Centre called Lee's Sandwiches. Lee's Sandwiches is great cause it serves simple stuff, like sandwiches, ice cream, and smoothies, with a bit of an ethnic twist, and it's really, really cheap. (I got a medium drink and a garlic baguette and only spent a little over $2!). It obviously caters to UCI students, cause we saw a lot of them there. Actually, all of University Centre basically caters to UCI students.

Other Stuff: I'll make this quick cause I gotta go get dressed soon.

- My birthday's tomorrow! I turn 22 this year. I'm not getting many presents; I'm getting my hair styled today and Mum wants to buy me an interview outfit. In other words, getting a job is top priority right now.

- I managed to download all of Code Lyoko season 3, which finally aired this month. I am very happy about this cause I have new clips for vids. Granted, Movie Maker is still not saving right, but I'm trying to figure out how to get around that. I have made some movies with a program on our family computer called Sony MovieShaker, but it's only good for non-clip movies.

-I have not been able to get online on my laptop for about a month now. It is driving me crazy. My antenna and the router card I've been using both only pick up a "limited or no connection" signal.

-I lost my mp3 player (*sob!*) somewhere at school. So I have been having to rely on my portable CD player, which uses up the battery really quickly. I'm hoping to get a new one soon.

Ok I'm gonna go.

Vocational schools and stuff

School starts on the 21st, a little less than 2 weeks from now. Well, for me, it actually starts on the 22nd, since my classes are on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I may not have all my books by then though. It depends. I have to pay back Mum $75.94 for the two books she ordered for me. Then I have some other book that used is $64.25, and which I sorta need to buy at the school bookstore cause even the used books had the CD's and stuff with them, so I figure I'll need them. That's a pretty hefty price to pay for that though. Sheesh.

So after that $140.19 expenditure (ouch!), I don't know how much money I will have left from my next paycheck, since I haven't been working very much. My next paycheck may not even cover all that. I may have to combine paychecks or something.

I know what I'll do. I'll use my next paycheck to pay off Mum and get my cheaper books (a "annual edition" book for Anthropology that is $20.50 used, my other History of the Americas book, which is $16.50 used, and a $6 used copy of Tao Te Ching for my Asian Philosophy and Religion class). There's also some "reader" I need for my philosophy class that I more than likely can only get at school, since it's written by my teacher. But when I last checked the store, it was on backorder. So I don't know if they have it in yet or not. I saved myself some money on the history front because I am taking the other half of History of the Americas (one half of which I took in the spring), and from the same teacher, so I saved the textbook from last semester, and thankfully, the teacher is using that same book again. What a relief. (I also kept the novel he had us read--In the Time of the Butterflies by Julia Alvarez--because it was very fascinating).

Then, when I don't have my debt to Mum to worry about, I'll use my paycheck on the 29th to buy my other book. Granted, I'll need to buy a bus pass from that too, unless I put aside money from my next check (they don't start selling the passes until the 25th of the month for the next month).

I checked out a couple nearby vocational schools, as I said before -- Maric College and ITT Tech. I had an appointment on Monday with Charlie, an admissions rep at Maric. That went ok. We talked, he gave me a tour of the place, and then he gave me a brochure to read, and I left.

I didn't actually meet with LaMonte, the rep from ITT Tech who answered my info request but we talked on the phone and he sent me stuff.

I'm gonna stop now so I can leave to go to college group. More later.

Planning for the future

My parents and I had a heated talk tonight about my future. We were in the car after my mom picked me up from the bus stop I was at after I went to deposit my paycheck because since I was still waiting for the bus I knew I wasn't going to make the last FAST bus. It started when I mentioned about having gone to the dentist today. Then my mom said I needed to take care of my teeth so I wouldn't have to go to the dentist so much because soon their health insurance won't cover me. Then we started talking about careers and so on and so forth, and I told them I'd done research and all this crud.

My mom has been worried about money a lot lately because she and my dad had to spend a lot of money at the time of Grandpa's death on hotel expenses and so forth. She told me this morning we only have like $600 to cover us for the next 3 weeks.

My mom also said if I wanted to transfer, I was going to have to think about how to afford it. I do have a start because there is $1,000 from my Grandpa's CD (retirement account) which I can use toward college or a car, because of his trust or whatever. But that doesn't cover very much when the normal state university costs around $6,000-$7,000 a year for room and board. I don't think that includes tuition.

My parents dropped me off a little while ago and said they were going to Fry's so I am home alone right now. I figured I'd do some research while they were gone. And I did research on an educational option I'd disdained for some time, especially since commercials for them are on TV constantly: vocational schools. Specifically I looked at ones I knew were in this area (because of my transportation issues).

First, I looked at ITT Tech. It had sounded like a good school from the commercials, plus they train primarily in computers, which Mum keeps telling me I should go into. They have a campus down in San Diego, which isn't too far. I could live at home and commute, using the bus and the Coaster or bus and the San Diego Transit (based on what came up when I looked up the route on sdcommute.com...I'm surprised they didn't mention taking the Trolley...maybe you can't take the Trolley there). Or, if it's not too much out of the way, maybe I can ride up to town with Papa, since he works in La Jolla.

I also looked at Maric College, though their legal programs were the only ones that interested me.

I requested info from both places, so we'll see what happens.

That's all for now. Bye.

Lost with careers

I am still at a loss in terms of careers. I feel pressured to choose a major this summer cause I committed to that, for one, following the procedure in my decision-making paper, and because if I want to transfer by next fall I have to apply to universities this fall. I can't go to junior college forever. I know some people transfer not knowing what they want to do, but if you transfer as a junior, well...by junior year you're usually doing major work, right?

Mum seems to think I should do office work. But I don't want to just do office work. First of all, that's what she did, and I'd rather not do the same thing as her. Second, if that's what my career is going to be, then these last three years of college have been a total waste, since for most entry-level office jobs you don't need a degree.

I don't know who to turn to. I don't think a counselor would understand, my mom obviously wouldn't, I don't think my dad would, and I don't know how to approach God about it, seeing as 95% of the time I pray I feel like I am talking to the wall, or practicing a scene from a play. And those times I don't feel that way, I end up later feeling as if those experiences weren't genuine anyways cause my life doesn't change.

I have tried to vent this anger by writing in here, writing about it in the writers' forum (where I feel free to say stuff like this cause I know those people better than those at the other forum I belong to), and mashing buttons playing Tales of Symphonia, beating the crud out of the monsters in Niflheim or the Meltokio Coliseum. Those seem better than just talking to people, who just utter pleasantries to try to make me feel better. Either I vent or I just try to ignore it by doing other stuff.

I have tried looking up stuff on careers too to try to help my decision, but this only makes things more confusing.

The only hope I have is I know I still want to write, though I haven't written since May. But I know I need to be able to support myself till I can make money doing that, or instead of that if it doesn't work out.

Yet I have to balance what I want and my interests plus my mom's expectations while trying to include God in the decision. UGH....MENTAL OVERLOAD!!!!!

I looked into history but the only choices seem to be museum curator, historian, and teacher. And teaching, which seemed like a good idea at one time, now no longer really interests me. At least in history. English I might be able to teach, though I would probably never be a Mr. Keating (the teacher from Dead Poets' Society). Yet Mum says I should do something with computers. But I can't figure out what high-paying job you can do in that which doesn't require a computer science degree and high math. I've thought about being involved in the video game industry, but I don't know how to get there. And the main good school for that is UCLA, which the transfer counselor I went to said I couldn't get into with my GPA.

Well I'll look into it. For right now I'm gonna try to watch some more Tokyo Mew Mew before I have to leave for work (I've been watching it on YouTube and I really like it).

Back to life as usual

Well it has been a crazy week. I left town with Papa and Andrew on Thursday to go up to Lone Pine. We stayed till Sunday. During this time, Mum tried to work out funeral arrangements, with the help of Uncle Stan, who arrived last Friday, and these were finalized once my mom finally heard from Uncle Vernon and found out he was coming. The funeral was set for Wednesday the 12th.

We got home on Sunday night around 7 (minus Mom, who stayed behind to continue taking care of the last things that needed to be dealt with, like going through stuff, clearing things up with the bank, and so on) and then left for Lone Pine again around noon on Tuesday. Thus I worked Monday night, the first day I'd worked since Grandpa died. Fortunately, nobody treated me differently in a major way (they expressed their condolences and that was it) which was nice. Sometimes people go out of their way to be nice to you right after a death, I think, and I'd rather not have that. I just want life to go on.

Wednesday was the funeral, held in the burning mid-morning sun at the Mt. Whitney Cemetery just outside of Lone Pine, where Grandma is also buried. Fortunately, we family members got to sit under a canopy, so we had shade. The funeral was military-style, as Grandpa had asked for in his last wishes, and thus the pomp and ceremony was primarily handled by the VFW (Veterans of Foreign Wars) post. Barbara (Grandpa's 2nd wife) was the only one really crying. Anissa (her daughter-in-law) looked like she was a little bit, but not much.

After the funeral, there was a luncheon at the VFW. All of us family, except Barbara, sat together: Mum, Dad, Andrew, me, Uncle Stan, Uncle Vernon, and Barbara's son Frank, his wife Anissa, and their kids Jereth and J Lin. (Barbara was sitting with friends in the bar area). The Auxiliary ladies and the local restaurant The Totem Cafe provided the food. It was very good. I had a piece of chicken, some cold pasta, a roll, and a piece of cake for dessert. I also had Diet Pepsi (since they had soda for those who didn't drink alcohol) which I had to order from the bar.

Our plans for after that were that Mum and Papa were going to go to Independence (the county seat, about 15 miles away) to get a copy of Grandpa's death certificate to give to his bank so they could deal with his CD (which I think is a retirement account). But they found out they couldn't get the certificate until the next day after 2 pm. So we tried to figure out what to do. We all went back to my Grandpa's house after a bit.

I left not long after though. This was because my Uncle Vernon, being equally without something to do, wanted to go see Manzanar, which is only a few miles away from Lone Pine. Manzanar is one of the 10 internment camps where Japanese and Japanese-Americans were taken during World War II. Uncle Stan was going to go with him (even though he'd already been there) and I decided I wanted to go too. After all, it beat sitting around with Barbara watching Hallmark Channel or "M*A*S*H."

So we went, and it was very interesting (and hot weather-wise). We looked around the visitors' center, and then watched a 20-minute film they show there called Remembering Manzanar (which you can buy on DVD at the gift shop, by the way). Then we looked around the gift shop, where I bought a $1 copy of the first edition of the Manzanar Free Press, the paper put out by people interned in Manzanar. Afterwards, we hopped back in the car and drove the auto route past the signs showing where certain places in Manzanar used to be. We stopped to look at what had been a Japanese-style garden at one point. Only some concrete, where the water would've flowed into the big pond, remains. Then we got back in the car and drove some more until we got to the marble monument in the cemetery, and there we got out and walked around some more. Then we left, and Uncle Stan dropped me off at the hotel (and then Uncle Vernon, who was staying at the same hotel), assuming my parents (who had gone off on some errand or something shortly before we left for Manzanar) would be there. Unfortunately, they were not there, so I called my mom on my cell and she told me to wait there and that my dad would come and let me in the hotel room, which he did shortly after. It felt good to feel A/C after walking around in the burning heat at Manzanar.

That night I spent partly by myself at the hotel, until my dad picked me up to go to my grandpa's house, since we were ordering pizza. Frank and his family came over too and we all sat around the living room having pizza (though my parents eventually sat out on the front step). J Lin, who had had a bit too much sugar at the funeral luncheon (soda plus 2 slices of cake) was very hyper, to the point of annoying nearly everyone she encountered. Jereth and I got a chance to talk, and I found out we like a lot of the same things, such as reading, Harry Potter, Teen Titans, etc. It was fun.

Thursday morning around 9:30 Andrew and I left, since Andrew wanted to be home for his passing league game. We only made one stop, at a truck stop near Adelanto, a town with very few houses but a rather large police station (it looks like they took a Motel 6 and converted it into a police station). The truck stop is one large black-painted stucco building with the words "Open 24 hours TACOCHAN" painted on it in white letters and some gas pumps out front. It houses a sit-down Mexican restaurant with vinyl-upholstered booths, a room with arcade games in it, a mini-mart, 2 somewhat out-of-place massage chairs (where you must pay $5 to get massaged for like 15 minutes), and 2 really nice bathrooms.

It was a nice place to stop. It beats Pearsonville. Pearsonville isn't even really a town. It's a few buildings, a water tank that says "Pearsonville: Hub Cap Capital of the World," and a truck stop/gas station with a Burger King. That's all.

We made good time, despite having to detour off Mapquest's directions due to construction on the offramp onto this one freeway we were supposed to get on. We got home right around 2 p.m.

I was gonna write more but I am too tired. More later.

And again...a death

I am not really sure what to think right now. Everything seems so confusing.

My dad called my brother and I downstairs a few minutes ago, which I knew had to mean trouble, cause my mom has been gone since Tuesday because my grandpa (her dad) was really sick and she felt she needed to be with him.

When we were seated in the living room, my dad said, "Grandpa died about 15 minutes ago."

He then went on to mention the details and such. I kept having to bite my lip cause part of me wanted to cry, and yet I was trying to stay composed.

Funeral arrangements have not yet been made, but they will be soon, I imagine, which means I may have to request off work on short notice pleading emergency. I just hope the day we have to go up isn't Saturday cause I'm covering for Brandon that day, so it would be really hard for them to find a replacement.

My mom now has no parents, since my grandma died in 1999. Her only immediate family (besides us) now is her two brothers, my Uncles Stan and Vernon. I'm not even sure whether Uncle Vernon would be able to make it to the funeral, since he's stationed in Japan right now with the Navy, but he will probably come anyways, since he came for my grandma's funeral.

I wonder if my black dress fits...I bought it for my first Homecoming my junior year of high school, and I'm pretty sure I've gained weight since then. I've only worn it for two Homecomings and a bar mitzvah. Maybe something else too...I don't remember. I think I wore it for a Growth Group social once when we all dressed up. That wasn't too long ago, so it probably still fits.

Why did this have to happen now? I was having a hard enough time trying to trust God, and he has to bring another tragedy into my life! My grandma's death was what started my downward spiral of distrust in God in the first place.

I'm sorry. I can't write any more. I'm just too confused. Bye...

Bored, and other things

I had today off from work, and as usual this summer, I'm off of school. I've spent pretty much all day on the computer, loading my new videos, playing around on the internet, and watching PGSM on YouTube. I just finished watching Act 45, which means I'm almost done. (I watched the Special Act and Act Zero before watching the regular series, and the Tuxedo Kamen and Hina specials too, so I won't have to watch those after).

I did go out, believe it or not, but just to buy some pantihose for work, since I work tomorrow. The drag about that--working--is I have not seen a movie in a while and tomorrow would be a good day for that. Oh well...I don't have a lot of money anyway (as usual right before payday...I gotta learn to save...well, I had to buy a bus pass and I bought myself dinner on Sunday night when our Quad group met, the latter of which I didn't really need actually and could've done without).

Well at least it's only 11-4 so I can take the bus there and back. I just called to make an appointment for pickup and return. Plus, since it's 5 hours, I should get a 15-minute break (although I'll be with Lenora, and she tends to forget about that...I should eat an early lunch just in case).

Oh crud I have to buy donuts for everyone tomorrow cause Lenora said it's my turn. Apparently this is something they do on Saturdays now. I haven't worked a Saturday in a while, so I just found out about this custom last night. I'll have to get orders from everybody. That shouldn't be hard cause coming on the FAST bus I should be early anyways.

Wait...everyone that's working tomorrow is there right now. I'm going to call and find out what they want.

Hmm...I've been on hold a long time. I wonder what happened...

Gaa! Lenora just got back on the line and she told me Lynne was only joking about the donut thing. I am going to mention that to her tomorrow...

In other news, I made it to level 3 of the Desert part of my GBA Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon game...quite an accomplishment. I just wish that, if the developers were going to do a level with quicksand, that they wouldn't put enemies on the quicksand so that you're having to avoid sinking in the quicksand and fight enemies at the same time. What are you trying to do, make my thumbs sore?

On the school and career front, I still am not sure what kind of career I could do with a history degree. To make matters worse, Mum was saying I really should look into a career in doing stuff like making the videos I make (I sent her the link for my YouTube profile so she could see my videos). I hate when she says that...it throws me off. She has constantly said I should consider a career in computers. It's not that I don't like computers; I love them in fact. But getting a job in computers is not as easy as my mom makes it look. Most programming jobs require a degree in Computer Science, and a degree in Computer Science = knowledge of higher math, including calculus! And I stink at math, so there's no way I could do calculus. Animation jobs, while maybe not requiring as much high math, would require actual artistic talent, which I do not possess either.

Basically, my computer skills consist of: computer and internet literacy; knowledge of Office, making videos, some image and sound editing, and HTML; and some basic office stuff, such as transcription, 10-key, and typing. I have no programming knowledge whatsoever, or animation other than Animation Shop, a measly little program that comes with Paint Shop Pro that is good for making animated gifs but I doubt much else (that I know of anyways...I haven't played with it much).

I could see myself doing computer stuff as a hobby, but I don't think I could do it as a career, with my difficulty in math and art.

I suppose I could do something just having to do with videos and video editing, which is what my friend Mark does. He is a entrepreneur of sorts, hiring himself out to do video work. Unfortunately, I don't have the knowledge -- or programs -- to do anything really sophisticated. I don't even have a camcorder!

*long sigh*

God, help me. Please...I was making progress...why should I regress when I've come this far?!

Even more bad news...Movie Maker decided my collections file was corrupted or something, so it emptied it. This means I have to go through and divide the episodes I'm going to fansub into parts all over again...dangit! Maybe I'll just forget about the fansubs. I don't really feel like doing them anymore. I have enough stress as it is.

Another short post

I have to leave for work really soon...just catching up.

24 was good. It was nice to get away, even though the camp was hot and dry and there were a lot of bugs. I have several little red bumps on both my arms that are itchy as heck.

Summer weather has settled in for those of us on the home front though. So I finally pulled the box fan out of the closet. I need to dust it though cause it is really dusty from sitting in the closet since the beginning of winter or whenever it was I put it in there.

I looked at articulation agreements and stuff today, since enrollment for fall starts this week and I needed to figure out what my fourth class should be to round out my full-time schedule. Since all the schools I looked at basically wanted the same basic history classes, I decided to just take something interesting to round things out. That way, I can apply to schools this fall, figure out who will take me, and take classes in the spring that prepare me for the major at a particular school.

So I picked Philosophy 105, which is Asian Philosophy and Religion. Coincidentially, the teacher also teaches history! However, she also teaches Asian Studies. I looked her up on ratemyprofessors.com (a great little site where students rate teachers, which helps you figure out who to take and who to avoid) and she was pretty highly praised, so I am going with her. The same was the case for the teacher of the Anthropology class I'm going to take to meet my Bio Science requirement (it's Biological Anthropology, so it counts).

The one bone of contention was Communications 101. It's an option for the oral communication thing for the IGETC, which is a Cal State-only requirement, but since most of the universities I'm looking at are Cal States, I figured I should probably take it. The two teachers whose classes were at a convenient time for me got a lot of "poor quality" (sad face) ratings. So I went with my first choice teacher because he got more smiley faces (the highest rating) than the other teacher.

As for my teacher for History of the Americas, I didn't really have a choice because there was only one section. I checked him out anyway and he had mixed reviews. Some people hated him and some loved him. I went with him anyway, because (1) I didn't really have a choice and (2) I liked him from last semester (when I took the other half of History of the Americas).

Enrollment starts Wednesday, but only people with 40.5-50 units can actually enroll on that day. The enrollment appointment for people with 70.5-80 units (like me) is July 3 in the morning. You can enroll on or after your enrollment appointment date, but not before. Such is the disadvantage of first priority enrollment. The advantage is you have first dibs on the classes you want.

Crud I gotta go. Bye.

A short post

I have to leave for work in about a half hour, so this will be short. Just thought I'd catch you up on what I'm up to.

I am working on a fansubbing project where I fansub into French several Code Lyoko episodes. After the first part of the first one I'm doing ("Franz Hopper") took so darn long, I decided to do the translated scripts beforehand, and then I will have more time to focus on timing the subtitles correctly. However, this is easier said than done. I have finished scripts for two episodes so far, and doing the translation for each 8-minute part (roughly about 8 minutes, anyway, sometimes a little less) takes an hour or more. The last part of "Code: Earth" (the part I just finished an hour ago) took an hour and a half. Let's just say I've had some late nights!

From here I am going to do the scripts in alphabetical order (this just makes sense because my list of "collections" in Movie Maker is alphabetical), which means "Exploration" is next. Then "False Start" and so on (skipping "Franz Hopper," since I finished that one already).

I made the mistake of trying to do some scripting on the bus yesterday. Not only could I not hear very well, but it was tough to keep my notebook and my laptop straight on my lap.

Other than that, I have to decide soon what my fourth class for the fall is going to be so I can register. I also need to work on deciding on a major if I want to apply to schools this fall.

This weekend is the only college retreat of the summer, 24. I paid for it last week, and I'm looking forward to it. Pity it's only overnight.

Next week I work four days! Wahoo! I am very happy about this because it means I will have more money.

I gotta get better at budgeting though if I want to go away to school. *sigh*

Oh, by the way, my personal site is up. The URL is http://iam.homewithgod.com/silvanmare. Or you can just follow the link in the sidebar.

That's basically it. Ja ne!

24 Spoof

I found this cool "24" Spoof on YouTube, with a Christian twist, made not by me, but by making88. Enjoy!

Lovers

This is a little video I made with pictures and video of different couples from TV shows, movies, and 1 video game (Tales of Symphonia) that I like. Enjoy!

"Thou wentest forth for the salvation of thy people..."

"Thou wentest forth for the salvation of thy people, even for salvation
with thine anointed; thou woundedst the head out of the house of the wicked, by
discovering the foundation unto the neck. Selah."

~Habakkuk 3:13, King James Version

I got fed up with feeling down today. I wrote a poem, a prayer to God begging him to help me. Shortly after, I picked up the King James Bible that Emilee gave me right after Snow Blast. It was sitting on my bed because I'd grabbed it earlier to look up something. I was thinking of reading one verse (the one about hinds' feet that I think sounds so nice in the King James) but in the end I turned to another verse I've liked for a while, Zephaniah 3:17, and read that and the next few verses first. Then I went back to Habakkuk and found the hinds' feet verse, the last verse in the 3rd chapter. I decided to read the whole chapter -- that old "context" thing I learned back in junior year doing hermeneutics -- and I found the verse above. The wording seemed interesting to me.

I just checked to see what the NIV says. This is its version: "You came out to deliver your people, to save your anointed one. You crushed the leader of the land of wickedness, you stripped him from head to foot. Selah." The Message is even more blunt: "You were out to save your people, to save your specially chosen people. You beat the stuffing out of King Wicked, stripped him naked from head to toe, set his severed head on his own spear and blew away his army." The NLT says, "You went out to rescue your chosen people, to save your anointed ones. You crushed the heads of the wicked and laid bare their bones from head to toe." The older translations (New King James, New American Standard, etc) and even the French translations (Louis Segond, La Bible de Semeune) say basically the same as the King James does.

Somehow I like the King James rendering best.

I saw the word Selah several times in what I wound up reading, which were these passages and some Psalms. Selah is one of those untranslatable words that nobody seems to be able to assign a meaning to, or if they do assign a meaning, it's relative. Like schaddenfreude. The most common interpretation is that it is a signaling word, signaling one to pause and reflect on what one has just read or heard. One Bible I used to have translated the word Selah as "Interlude" in the Psalms, which makes sense since the Psalms are "songs" of a sort, and lots of songs have "interludes."

That was how I treated it. Every time I read the word Selah, I would stop reading for a moment and think. Kind of how...well, you know when someone important dies or something, they ask you to take a moment of silence out of respect? It was sort of like that.

The reading helped some, but I still think my sleep won't be easy tonight. But then again, with how chronically tired I am, I doubt I sleep well any night.

I may go to bed soon. I want to get up early tomorrow and go buy some toothpaste and some more soda since I'm running out of both.

I'm gonna buy a prayer journal when I get the chance as well. And an actual journal too, not just one of those cheap spiral notebooks that I buy on whims all the time, and usually don't do much with. At work, there's one specifically labeled "My Prayer Journal" that's only $4.97. Though there was only one last I checked (we had 3 but I sold 2 to this one customer). If it's not there, I can just get a regular journal, or a different prayer journal if there are any (which I think there are).

I'm going to look into spiritual disciplines as well. No, I'm not thinking of going ascetic and going to the mountains and being a nun. But I need some structure to my spiritual life, and I think something like that would help.

Good night!

Found a web site host, meeting with Transfer Center, my "Personality Plus" personality mix, etc.

I am pleased to announce that I found a web site host site for my personal site! I guess my prayer was answered.

Here's how it happened: on Wednesday I had a meeting with a transfer counselor at the University Transfer Center at school (more on that in a minute) and once it was over, I had some time to kill before I had to be at work. So I went to the library, and, not having anything in particular to do there, I found a computer in the open lab and did a Google search for "Christian web host sites." I found one: MyHomeWithGod. The signup was easy and free, and they do have ads, but at least they're Christian ads.

I haven't uploaded my site yet, but I am going to soon.

Next...my meeting at the University Transfer Center. I am glad I was able to make it work because when I scheduled it I hadn't got my June schedule yet for work so I was afraid I'd have to reschedule it.

It was only half an hour (actually more like 35 minutes, since it was around 1:35 when I left) but it was very helpful. The counselor, Jose, asked me about my major and I said I hadn't picked one yet. I also explained to him that I was confused as to which G.E. plan to follow, since some classes I had taken were for the Cal State GE requirements. Then he pulled up my transcript online (it's on the enrollment thingie, SURF) and looked at my classes and my GPA. He said, with my GPA (which is about 3.2) I could get into 5 of the 9 UC schools. The two he said that for sure I couldn't get into at the moment were Berkeley and UCLA. I'm not sure what the other 2 are. I just checked and the only ones I couldn't find info about were UCSF (University of California San Fransisco) and UCM (UC Merced). That's all right, since UCSF is devoted solely to health sciences.

He drew up an ed plan (the common name, it's short for "educational plan") which showed what classes I'd taken and what I still needed to take for the IGETC (the plan I've been following mostly; it stands for "Inter-Segmental General Education Transfer Curriculum"...I don't know where the "s" for "segmental" comes from though). He also drew up a tenative semester schedule showing what I still needed to take and with dates of when to apply to a university and when to petition for graduation. The former would be this fall, and the latter next spring. In between, I'd have to fill out the FAFSA (the Free Application for Federal Student Aid) to see if I'd get any money from the state (though being white and upper-middle-class, that's not likely, although maybe cause I'm a girl....hmm, doubt that too, well it was a thought).

I left feeling better about my academic situation. He said not to put so much pressure on the major thing either, cause he changed his 6 times. But then of course people always tell you that to try to make you feel better.

Right before I started typing this entry, I took a "personality profile" thing for the personality types outlined in the book Personality Plus by Marita and Florence Littauer. I haven't read that book specifically, but one of the books I read for our next staff meeting had a little quiz thing you could take to determine your two primary types, as well as info on each type. The other book I read, a marriage book by Marita Littauer and her husband, also mentioned the types and had a thing in the back explaining each one. So before I returned the books, I photocopied the pages with the info on the types and the pages with the quiz and the scoring sheet for the quiz. (This wasn't as easy as it sounds, because I was trying not to mess up the spines of the books doing this, which can happen with paperback books if you lay them out, both covers open, face down on a copier, plus I was doing it at school, and the school just instituted another weird system for printing and copying).

Anyway, I found out after scoring the quiz that I am a Perfect Melancholy/Peaceful Phlegmatic.

Wikipedia compares these types to the Myers-Briggs types. It says that "A Melancholy can be more of an intellectual, and thus somewhat anti-social (or perhaps just less social), and Phlegmatics just don't mind either way," "Whereas a Melancholy seeks facts to come to conclusions...", "This is about how people process the world around them, and the most obvious observations are that Melancholies like facts, whereas Sanguines have a leaning towards emotions," and "Whereas perceiving is all about simply making observations, whereas judging involves allocating value to the observations (right/wrong, good/bad, etc.). Since a Melancholy is about "the right" way, and Cholerics are about "my way", they tend to be more on the judgmental scale. Phlegmatics, being "any way", are more about perceiving."

I tried to put together what they were saying here. Based on this, this would mean that my dominant type, Perfect Melancholy, would be an Introvert, a Intution, a Thinker, and a Judger. This in Myers-Briggs speak would be an INTJ. The weird thing is, that is exactly what type I got both times I took the Myers-Briggs test!

The descriptions they gave in the books and in Wikipedia are long and complex, so here's the basics:

The Perfect Melancholy is basically the over-analytical, perfectionistic kind of person (hence the word "perfect" in the name). They plan, plan, plan. They like stability and they like their space. They like things to be predictable and they like standards. They are very detail-oriented. They like life to be in order. According to the marriage book with info on this, Perfect Melancholies tend to marry Popular Sanguines (their exact opposites) because Sanguines are outgoing and social.

The other book, which is about temptation, talks about the greatest temptations for each type. Melancholies are very susceptible to the temptation towards negativity, as they tend to be pessimistic and cynical.

Peaceful Phlegmatics like peace above all (hence the "peaceful" in the name). They avoid conflict as much as possible. They want to be respected and feel like they have worth. Though balanced and pleasing in personality, they tend to be indecisive and have a hidden iron will. They dislike change and people who expect too much from them or are too pushy. They're good mediators at work, however, and have the gift of staying calm and collected more than others. Because of their indecisiveness, they tend to marry Powerful Cholerics who are strong and decisive and somewhat authoritative.

Phlegmatics are most likely to be tempted to be complacent and thus get their lives out of balance. Unlike the Powerful Choleric who does too much, they don't do enough.

This is rather enlightening, because I am like that, a mix of both. I dislike change because I'm a Phlegmatic, which may be caused by my preference for stability from my Melancholy side. My perfectionism from the Melancholy side probably influences my desire to avoid conflict that comes from my Phlegmatic side. I may be an indecisive Phlegmatic because my Melancholy side makes me plan excessively but not act until everything is just so.

In other things, I found a place to watch Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon on YouTube. I have watched Acts 1 and 2, the Special Act, Act Zero, and the specials "Hina Afterwards" and "Tuxedo Kamen's Secret Birth." I watched some clips from the Kirari Super Live special too, but it's not up there in its entirety.

That's basically it. Bye for now.

Bow Down To Santa Jeremy

This is a pretty funny movie Lyoko11, another person on YouTube, made. Check it out!

Generator Power Promo

This is a little promo video I made for my Generator Gawl website. Enjoy!

(Yes, YouTube has a "Blog Video" function now...cool, huh?)

Web site hosting woes, summer plans, grades

I just checked my grades for the semester. I got almost all A's. It would've been all A's except that I got a B in one of my BOT 113 sections. I am not sure which section this was cause I wasn't keeping track of my points in that class. I just e-mailed my teacher to find out.

Speaking of school-related things, I recently made a little PSA video about literacy. Here's the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YAws0BoLTcU

Well summer is now upon us (even though summer doesn't technically start until June 20 or 21, but that's beside the point). Do I have plans? No, not really.

Basically, I will be working, and part-time at that. I was hoping to be able to work full-time, but I talked to Dannie yesterday and she said that since summer is our slowest time (which I think is odd...if people have more free time in the summer, shouldn't they have more time to read books?) she can't really increase anyone's hours right now. I understood this to some extent. Just to clear my conscience, I said I had been working on the stuff she asked me to, but she said it didn't have anything to do with me, which is reassuring. Ever since she and I had a long talk about my apparent lack of social graces and of other things that make a model retail employee, I have been living on pins and needles, always worrying that one little slip will get me fired.

Other than that, there's the college group overnight retreat on the 23rd and 24th. Because I made the mistake of submitting my day off request later than I should've (all the stuff with seeing Grandpa, plus school ending and stuff, probably made me forget about it...plus they just started talking about it), I have yet to find out for certain whether I'm getting the time off.

The only other thing to look forward to is in late August. My dad got tickets for an American Idol Live Tour concert in Anaheim. That should be fun!

Speaking of American Idol...I have learned that I should never again make a fan video for that show. I made one for Katharine McPhee, and after a couple days where everything was fine, YouTube blocked access to it, saying I'd committed copyright infringement. Oh well. There's nothing I can do about that.

So basically my summer plans will be to continue reading career stuff (I'm almost done with the print books, and then I'll start on the ebooks), possibly try to get my license (I just found out that the DMV doesn't accept drivers' training programs that use simulators anymore, so this means I'd have to just go out in a real car, and my mom doesn't think I'm ready for that...I mean, I know how to make left and right turns and basically park from when I've gone out with my dad to the parking lot of the nearby high school...it frustrates me that my mom doesn't think I'm ready...I'm 21 for goodness sake....just cause I might be an aspie with bad eye-hand coordination doesn't mean I have to take public transit the rest of my life!), and probably hang out at home a lot. Maybe go see a movie now and then. Oh and go to church and hopefully to my "Quad" (that's what the new small groups for the summer are called...I've had problems contacting the people in my group via e-mail).

I spent a good portion of tonight trying to find a good host site for my new personal site (called Silvanmare after a town in one of my stories). I tried Geocities, Angelfire, Bravenet, and a few others I'd never heard of, but either they just didn't work out, or, as in Bravenet and Angelfire's cases, I uploaded all my files only to find out both my main page and the page in the iframe had an ugly ad banner emblazoned across the tops of them. Geocities just logged me in under my e-mail (since my regular Internet service is associated with Yahoo and so is Geocities).

I just want something free with preferably no ads. Or if there must be ads, let them just be a little box or something. Please!! *frustrated sigh*

Well my battery is running low (I got tired of sitting at my desk and the cord doesn't work the same if the computer is anywhere else) so I'm gonna have to cut this short.

God, I know this sounds weird, but please help me find a host for my website. I put a lot of work into it.

America's got a new soul man, health final, move to YouTube

I've got my health final today. I hope I do good. I am not as worried about that one as I was about my piano final on Tuesday (which I got a 26.5 out of 30 on, with a 90 overall in the class...yay!). I do need to study though, which I'm going to do this morning.

I moved my videos over to YouTube after unsuccessfully trying to organize my Putfile page by changing the HTML. My new page is http://www.youtube.com/user/Writer4Christ. I finished moving all my videos there last night.

YouTube is way cooler because you can write descriptions of the videos and it uploads faster. Plus, it's a real community there, where people can send you messages, comment on videos, put you on a "friends" list, mark videos as favorites, and so on. Really cool. I already have added 2 friends (Firehunter, a friend from the Code Lyoko forum, and this other girl who right away favorited 3 of my videos) and got a couple more through friend list invitations from other people that I accepted. I have already favorited some videos too. I favorited a Sailor Moon video by the one gal I added as a friend, an Odd & Aelita movie by Firehunter, a "Hymn of Russian" video I found that has really great pictures, a hilarious video called "Star Trek Cribs," another Code Lyoko movie called "Code Lyoko Lovers" by someone else, and I think that's it. I even got two movie requests from the gal I added as a friend!

All right...one last thing before I close. You're probably wondering why I put "America's got a new soul man" in the title. Well, because last night on American Idol, the man with the Soul Patrol -- Taylor Hicks--was announced as the new American Idol! My mom was really happy. I personally voted for Katherine (twice!) but I'm happy either way. I'll probably buy both their CD's as long as neither of them does anything inappropriate. But I don't think that's happened with any of the Idols so far.

I'm not quite sure why they need such a long results show. 2 hours it was. And announcing the winner and having him sing only took up the last like 5 minutes of the show--I'm not kidding you. (Coke even did a commercial right before the results were announced that said, "We'll make this quick. Drink Coke. Now tell us the winner, Seacrest!"...just what I was thinking).

Well I'm gonna check my e-mail and then I need to study as much as I can before the bus comes. Oh and get dressed, finish breakfast, and get my laundry together while we're at it so I have some clean clothes to wear for when we go to see Grandpa this weekend (he's really ill but well enough to see us this weekend, so I got off work so I could go up with everybody cause Mom really wants me to come). At least I can bring my career books, as long as I don't lose them or mess them up, since they're library books. I don't usually bring library books on vacations, but I figure it'll give me something to do on the 6-hour drive up there. I may bring my CD player too, and definitely my novel-in-progress for if I get bored with reading.

Oh speaking of my novel, I had an epiphany yesterday. The plot worked itself out in my head, just unraveled, while I was in the breakroom yesterday. So I wrote the basics out on a napkin and a paper towel (since I didn't have any paper). The only part I didn't figure out was the very end, but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it, I guess.

Must've been a God thing. But how did he know? Oh, duh, he knows everything.

Maybe this is his confirmation of my desire to be a writer?

This reminds me of a verse that says, "Delight in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart." And then another that says, "Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words." That's from Romans 8. After last week's sermon, I decided to do a word study of several words in that chapter, which I began yesterday. The Greek word for "deep" is alalētos, which means "inexpressible." It comes from a combination of the prefix a (used as a negative prefix) and the word laleō, which means "to talk." So put together, that means "no to talk" or "not to talk." Something like that. The word "intercedes" in Greek is huperentugchanō, which means "to intercede, to make petition for." That is a combination of huper, which means "over, beyond, on behalf of, for the sake of, concerning" and entugchanō, which means "to chance upon, confer with, entreat." The word entugchanō is also used once in the passage by itself to mean the same thing.

Anyway, I'm gonna go cause I got to study. So long!

Career books and other things

Yesterday, I really wanted to get out of the house (well, and take out some money to get some soda, since there was none at home) so I went to school and checked out a bunch of career books from the list I'd made of books from a list under "vocational guidance" from the online library catalog. I only checked out like 12 because you can only check out 15 things at a time. I have read two. Here are my opinions:

~Word of Mouth: A Guide to Commercial Voice-Over Excellence: an excellent book about voice acting. It is primarily about voice acting in TV commercials but touches on animation voice acting.

~How to Find the Work You Love: I actually only began to read this, but I can't take it anymore. I picked it up because of the appealing title, but it didn't seem like a very helpful book. The arguments that were used were not very well supported, and the quotes from various authors were kind of pointless and just there to be there. I got frustrated with the book. It was all about individuality and personal potential. Though it did acknowledge the importance of integrating your philosophical view into the decision process, it seemed to make this out to be fairly not valuable.

I also started to read a book called Career Development for Teachers, but then I realized it was published in London and so wouldn't help me figure out how to be a teacher in America, so I decided not to read it.

I went to church today at Madison as usual. The sermon was on Romans 8:28 and explored the "urban legend" that everything happens for a reason. Pastor Larry (the main pastor at my church) taught that while things do happen for a reason, the reason is usually not the one we hoped for.

I'm listening to a CD right now that is a copy my mom made from a full audio CD Bible my dad has. The track I'm listening to is some chapter from Numbers, and has to do with what to give for sacrifices when. I'm not sure what God wants us to get out of chapters like that.

I took a few more spiritual gifts tests today online (and found a couple articles saying those things were hogwash...hmm). I took a paper one a while back which I bought at work. My highest gift on that paper one was Missionary, with Knowledge next. My third place one was a three-way tie between Administration, Celibacy, and Service. Number four was a five-way tie between Teaching, Exhortation, Helps, Leadership, and Leading Worship. Number five was Prophecy. Number six was a three-way tie between Wisdom, Discerning of Spirits, and Voluntary Poverty. The last one, number seven, was a tie between Pastor and Faith. There were also some things that were zeros and would be #8. Those were Giving, Mercy, Evangelist, Hospitality, Miracles, Healing, Tongues, Interpretation, Intercession, Deliverance, and Apostle.

As for the other tests, there were slightly different. (I'm naming them after my file names for those I don't remember the names of since I copied them into Word to save them till I could print them).

~Spiritual Gifts Test Analysis: Serving was highest; Knowledge and Missionary were tied for second; Leadership and Prophet were tied for third. Discernment was fourth. Music, Evangelist, Teacher, and Helps were tied for fifth. Apostle and Intercession were tied for sixth. Pastor, Exhortation, and Mercy were tied for seventh. Faith and Wisdom were tied for eighth. Administration was ninth. Hospitality was tenth. Giving, Healing, and Craftmanship were zeros and tied for eleventh.

~Spiritual Gifts Test Results: Service was highest; then Mercy, Teaching, Exhortation, Prophecy, Giving, and Leadership, in that order.

~Bible Spiritual Gifts Results: Teacher, Servant/Helps, and Missionary were the top three. Mercy, Leadership, Hospitality, Exhortation, and Evangelist tied with Missionary. Fourth place is shared between Wisdom, Pastor, Music, Intercession, Discernment, and Artistry. Fifth place is shared between Prophet, Giving, Faith, and Administration. Sixth place was Apostle, and seventh place was Healing.

~Here are your results: Knowledge (12) was first, and Missionary (9) and Service (9) was second. They then descend so: Teaching (7), Discerning of Spirits (6), Administration (5), Leadership (5), Mercy (5), Exhortation (4), Faith (4), Shepherd (4), Intercession (4), Wisdom (4), Evangelism (2), Giving (2), Healing (2), Helps (2), Prophecy (2), Hospitality (1), Interpretation of Tongues (0), Miracles (0), Tongues (0), and Voluntary Poverty (0).

~Spiritual Gifts Analysis (Churchgrowth.org): Teaching was first, and Exhortation second. Third was tied between Pastor/Shepherd, Showing Mercy, and Administration. Serving and Evangelism were tied for fourth place. Prophecy and Giving were fifth.

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I also took a personality test recommended on a site with links to spiritual gifts tests. Here are those results:

~Personality ID: Analyzer (I don't have the results printed out though cause they wouldn't print right)

~~~


I need to practice piano sometime tonight...I'm a little nervous about that. I need to clean the keyboard first cause I think the dustiness of the keyboard is making it out of tune.

Not really anything else to say...I'm pretty tired. Good night.

Bioethics, Hippies win the Amazing Race, and Elliot gets the boot (FINALLY!)

I just finished the first of two books I am reading for the upcoming staff meeting at work (though I think it kinda stinks I'm having to do this with finals next week, but hey, I love to read so I don't care so much). The book is called How to Be A Christian in a Brave New World. It is all about bioethical issues, such as cloning and embryonic stem cell research. The book pointed out that all the successful medical treatments being done with stem cells so far have been from adult stem cells, which they can get from pretty much any cell except reproductive cells (i.e., the cells that work at making babies). One of the authors, Joni Eareckson Tada (well known as a Christian writer and speaker who is also a quadriplegic), mentioned that this one gal who was also a quadriplegic had gone to a doctor in Portugal and had stem cells taken from her nasal lining and inserted in her spine to allow her to be able to walk. Very fascinating. Up till now I did not know there was such a thing as adult stem cells, probably cause the media, including science magazines, conveniently make you think that there are only embryonic stem cells, and that these should be harvested in order to find cures for diseases such as Alzheimer's and diabetes. Huh.

As I said, finals are next week. Fortunately, my history teacher sent us (via e-mail, since this is an online class) our final earlier than expected, which means I can take care of that this week and get it out of the way so I can focus on piano and health for next week. Actually, I will probably try to focus on prepping for health study in the next couple days so I can focus on piano, which is the first final (next Tuesday). For my health final, I am making PowerPoints. I am almost done for the one on the first chapter the test covers. Thankfully, the final is not comprehensive (covering the whole semester) but only covers 3 chapters--the chapters on drugs, alcohol, and tobacco respectively. Conveniently, we have been doing our Drug and Alcohol projects the last few class periods, which provides us with a lot of info (though I'm sure Professor Shaffer will just test us on the stuff in the book...but you never know, so for the most part I have been paying close attention to the presentations, except during part of the Inhalants presentation, which went right after my group's presentation on alcohol, when I was trying to get internet on my laptop so I could submit ASAP the outline I had forgot to bring).

Speaking of school, the fall schedule is out in print so I picked one up. I have almost all my G.E. classes. I now need to focus on getting some major classes out of the way, once I figure out what my major will be. My main problem is they may require a year of foreign language to transfer, and though I took French 102, I haven't been able to take anything higher cause the higher classes aren't offered very much. This means I will have to take some other language. The languages our school offers are Spanish, French, Italian, German, Chinese, and Japanese. I have heard Chinese is rather difficult, in fact the most difficult language in the world to learn (if you've ever seen any Chinese writing, you know what I mean). I got confirmation of this one day when I was sitting in the Quiet Lounge (which I do a lot cause it's the only quiet place where I can use my laptop or read and eat at the same time...the library does not allow food) and wound up having a chat with a gal who's a Chinese teacher at the school (and believe me, she looked way too young to be a teacher...just like Professor Chang, my piano teacher, who looks not much older than me, but who already has a Ph.D!). I might take Japanese since I already know some words (thanks to anime and a book called Essential Japanese) though the writing is pretty difficult too. The advantage to that would be I could always ask my best friend for help cause she knows Japanese really well.

So basically the only classes that are set that I still have to take are biological science, communications, and the first part of History of the Americas (to complete my two-course "group" for Cal State's American Institutions requirement). To do this, I can take BIO 101, COMM 101, and HIST 116 (the first half of the course I took this semester). The fourth spot is a toss-up at this point. It will probably go to language or a major class.

I am going back to the 4-class format this fall. Whatever it was I did this semester was a disaster with a capital D. I had 8 classes total, four of which were one unit (three sections of Basic Office Skills, and Intro to Career Planning). Then Keyboarding for Computers at 1.5 units. Then I had piano (3 units), health (3 units), and history (3 units). For a grand total of 14.5 units. Dang. And I was telling people it was 12.5 units. Oops.

Judging by my transcript (which I just looked at online), classes that I took which are both on Cal State requirements and IGETC requirements appear to count for both. But I'm not quite sure of this, so I am going to drop by the Transfer Center tomorrow just to make sure so that there's not a bunch of classes I have to repeat or something.

School news aside...work is going pretty well. Lenora and I are getting along for a change.


That aside...The hippies (BJ and Tyler) won The Amazing Race tonight. I was so happy. Frankly, I would've been happy even if Ray and Yolanda had won, as long as the frat boys (Eric and Jeremy) didn't win. They are just so cool and fun-loving, those hippies. The picture on the right is of them in last week's episode, in Oman (they don't have pics from the finale on the show's site yet...they probably will tomorrow). They're the kind of guys I would love to have as friends. They're just so fun.


As for the other reality show I'm following...American Idol. Elliot Yamin finally got voted off during tonight's hour-long result show. (I don't know why they went to an hour-long results show, when even a half-hour results show is too long. I mean, nobody cares about any of the show except for the last 5-10 minutes, when they actually give you the results). This means Katherine and Taylor will be in the finale, which is good cause I will be happy whoever wins. Not like last season where by the finale my liking for Carrie had faded since she started singing only country (I don't like country), and where I was secretly hoping she wouldn't win. Technically, following the pattern of winners, Bo should have won, because so far it had been Girl-Guy-Girl, so a guy was due to win, according to pattern. But not so. Anyway, though, Elliot got voted off, which was a relief. (I made the pic on the left...sorta. I took a pic from the Idol website and then put the words on it).

Well it's late so I better go to bed. Good Night.

Fantasy, frustration, and the like

This'll be short cause we're gonna leave soon for church (I'm going with my parents today cause it's Mother's Day).

Frustrating day yesterday. It started off good, but once I got to school to do Workplace Tech stuff, I had trouble getting the voice recognition program to work for me. Grr.

Good news: I finished the PDA and voice recorder stuff, and tested a BlackBerry and Tablet PC, so that stuff is done. I just have to do the voice recognition and PDA thumb typing. My Drug and Alcohol group didn't have to present on Thursday, primarily cause there wasn't a computer available to use for showing PowerPoints. But that's ok. I figured out the C Major Scale (though I should probably work on it today cause I told Professor Chang I'd work on it more this weekend) and the right hand part of my piece.

The career stuff is chugging along. Through a cross reference, I came upon books in the catalog for my school's library on "vocational guidance." There were 932 matches! Most of them were ebooks, and there were a lot of repeats. I found quite a bit of books that were actually at the library too, so I will probably try to look at those in the next few days (I probably could do it over the summer too if I had to, but I wouldn't be able to check them out cause I wouldn't have a current sticker on my ID card, unless I enrolled in a summer class, which I am not going to do again after last summer, when I had trouble getting things done on time cause I was working full-time and stuff...course I didn't have a laptop then either so I might be able to do it this time...I'd get a discount on a bus pass).

That's pretty much it. Bye.

Oh yeah and the novel continues too, though mostly through writing background notes.

The home stretch

Just this week and next week, then finals. Lovely.

I feel so stressed right now. I have to finish my stuff for my Workplace Tech class by the 20th, which is in 10 days. I've barely started it. I did find places to test a BlackBerry and a Tablet PC though so that is good, and that is pretty much all I have left to do for those sections. I started the PDA section but got bored with it and didn't finish, probably cause I was working on my "X.A.N.A. Attack Progression" video, which took practically all day Monday, some of yesterday, and a good part of today to finish, and I wanted to do that instead. I may have to do some of the stuff over cause I had to use the Palm III that is available at the lab instead of the Palm i705 we should be using cause the i705 wouldn't turn on when I tried it. At least my teacher will be in the lab tomorrow so I can ask her about it.

I have to read the novel I bought for history class, In The Time of the Butterflies, by next Monday to post on that. I started reading it today and got to chapter 8, which means I am more than halfway done. I'll probably be able to finish it by tomorrow, which would be great. I read it mostly this morning while waiting for my videos--the X.A.N.A. Attack Progression one, two Winx Club ones, and a W.I.T.C.H. one--to save. I also read it while at work before I had to clock in.

More than likely my group for the Drug and Alcohol Project will have to present tomorrow. But our PowerPoint is good to go and I have notecards written for my part and my outline done. So I'm not too nervous about that, unless while presenting I make a complete fool of myself.

Piano is my "thorn in the flesh" right now. I have quickly learned from this class that God more than likely has no plans for me to be a musician. I do not have the gift. My note reading continues to be disastrous and my discipline for practicing at home pretty much non-existent. Now I find out that I have to play the C Major Scale for Professor Chang (my piano teacher) next Tuesday on the grand piano we're playing our pieces for the final on, and I am all thumbs as far as that's concerned. As long as that's so, playing my chosen piece (Brahms's Lullaby) will be very hard.

I have progressed in my career/major research, weeding out the ones from the lists I made that didn't look like they would work. I now need to research those more in depth and narrow things down. All I know for certain right now is I still want to be a writer, since I feel God is calling me to that.

Speaking of writing, I am writing again, finally. I am writing a fantasy novel as part of the May version of National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo for short) being held on the writers' forum I'm a member of. (I say "May version" because the regular NaNoWriMo takes place in November). It is a novel set in the world of Walden which I have already written three short stories about (one of which I lost, unfortunately...however, as compensation, I am putting the principal players of that story -- the dwelves Argus and Alan--into this story). I am writing it in one of the nice notebooks my parents gave me for Valentine's Day, and I also bought a composition notebook for me to write background notes in. So far I have written entries on the geography of Walden, a race of half-animal, half-humanesque (since some of them are elves and other non-mankind races) people called the Kannarah, and a really long essay on the peoples of Walden. Like Tolkien, I want to know as much about my world as possible. I have created some bits of an elven language in naming certain things. Nothing like Tolkien's Herculean effort in creating Quenya and Sindarin (his two elvish tongues) not to mention all the other languages of Middle-Earth (though the Rohirrim language I think is basically Old English, so he may not have invented that one, per se).

I shall have to write some stuff about Chaimvin, the "life-friend," who is more or less God in Walden. He has various "manservants" and "maidservants" under him. I haven't quite determined who they are. In a sense they are like angels, and at the same time I also get a sense of a kind of status difference similar to the status difference between Eru Ilúvatar and the other Ainur/Valar. At any rate though they are not gods and not equal in status to Chaimvin. Chaimvin is God and no one else is. Naturally, coming from a monotheistic Christian family, one would expect me to do this, but if so, you should read my "Notes on the worship of Sitaka and the other deities of Zeta Andromedae." The title by itself suggests polytheism, and the "notes" go on to describe, in classic mythological fashion, the family of gods worshiped by the citizens of Zeta Andromedae.

I am not certain how these servants of Chaimvin came to be. I don't want to have them be made of something in heaven, for that lies dangerously close to the origin of the djinn in Islam (Allah made them in heaven from smoke and fire). Yet the Bible gives us no insight on the creation of the angels other than men were created a little lower than them.

I do have a sort of Satan figure in the form of the rebellious servant Marek and his followers though.

Anyway, back to careers...

Oh wait there's not really anything to say...

Oh crud it's almost midnight. How did that happen?

Oh hey good news and bad news for Amazing Race and American Idol tonight. On Amazing Race, MoJo (Joseph and Monica) got voted off and that's good cause I don't like them since they fight too much. This puts the hippies, the frat boys, and Ray and Yolanda in the finals. The hippies must've gotten a Fast Forward or something cause when the frat boys stepped in at the Pit Stop they were team #2. (I missed most of the show cause they moved it to Wednesday night from 8-9 and I have to work till 8:15). On Idol, Chris Daughtry was voted off...big surprise since people kept saying he'd go all the way and probably even win. Stupid Elliott Yamin is still on there...he is so dopey and not really that great of a singer. Well at least Katherine McPhee is still safe...I voted for her twice last night in hopes the extra vote would pull more weight after she got bad reviews from the judges last night. But, I mean, c'mon, you're making the girl sing Elvis for goodness sake. Like Simon said, she's at a disadvantage already. Even though she did good with old songs with "Great American Songbook" week with Rod Stewart, I mean, this is Elvis Presley we're talking about. Plus she sang a combo of "All Shook Up" and "You Ain't Nothin' But a Hound Dog" for her first song. And everybody knows that hound dog song even if they hate Elvis. She did better with "Can't Help Falling in Love With You," which was more her style.

If that girl wins, or even if she gets runner-up and still makes an album, I'm gonna buy it. I think even if she gets second she will be able to have a career...I mean look at Clay Aiken.

I'm gonna go. Good night.

Stress and stuff

"To focus on the present -- this is wise;
To look to the future -- that is
wiser still.
But to dwell on the past -- that is foolishness, madness, and
all things ill."

This is a quote I made up for the Lightning Girl related story I have going on in my head right now. It's from some made-up poet named Kaziar, "one of the great poets of R Andromedae," as Avalon says.

I can't believe I haven't written in like a month. I guess I just got busy with school and stuff. I meant to write after I got back from InterVarsity camp, but I didn't. I don't know why.

InterVarsity camp was great. It felt good to get away from all the stress of school right now. We dug really into the Bible by doing manuscript study, where you study it like the original readers would have read it, just with dictionaries and concordances and stuff at your disposal.

Things are looking up on the future decision stuff. Thanks to having to do a decision-making essay for my career planning class, I have come up with a plan of action for choosing a major. It involves a lot of research and stuff, which I will probably try to start this week. I want to have a major picked by fall, if not sooner.

I wonder if the school offices are open during summer. I would think so cause there is a summer intersession. This is because I may need to go to the University Transfer Center and the Career Center to look up some stuff at that time.

I'm going to take that Spiritual Gifts test I bought at work a while back too. I know things like that aren't definitive, kind of like the "assessments" I took in career planning class, like the Myers-Briggs, and aren't the only answer. But it would be a start. And it would help. I took one online once as part of a Growth Group assignment or something like that, but I forget what my results were. This is an actual paper test though, so it may be more reliable.

Well I can't think of much more to say, so bye for now.

Oh...I was re-reading some of my older posts and came across one where I mentioned my mom saying stuff about it being too expensive for me to go away to college. I found out later she thought I was still considering going to Biola, which is really expensive (about $26,000 a year; costs vary depending on your dorm and meal plan). I told her I had realized Biola was too expensive (although it's a good school in other ways...it's in a nice, safe neighborhood, has nice dorms and a great cafeteria, and lots of good academics) and so I was looking into state schools. I think that quieted her down on that topic. Though it frankly only comes up if I mention it.

Am I an aspie, health projects, Will Makar

Am I an aspie? That is a question I'm asking myself. If I am, it means I have Asperger syndrome, a form of autism where you have normal or above average intelligence but impaired social skills and developmental delays in motor skills. I have been doing some research on this last night and today, and it sure sounds like I have the symptoms.

I was thinking about this cause I need to come up with a topic for my lifestyle wellness project, and I want to do something related to this. Like work on my social skills. But how to narrow it down to a simpler thing to do a project on.

Mum said I could do it on eye contact. I do have trouble with that. I have trouble looking at cameras straight, for goodness sake. I always had my chin up too high or something. Made me a bane for school photo photographers.

I think maybe I will do that. I just have to make sure it's something I can research. And ok it with my teacher.


On a lighter note...my fave American Idol guy, Will Makar--who looks like Josh Groban (to me) and sings about as good as him too--is still in it, so far. This week's results show will be the key time. If he's not eliminated this week, he goes to the final 12. Some AI fans think he looks like Bobby Brady. Check out the pic and see which assessment you agree with.

I better go and see how my pantihose are doing. They should be ready to hang to dry about now. (I had to clean the feet cause they smelled).

I sure am glad I got through this post. I kept doing things that made me have to start it over.

Tired, confused, and stuff

I am soooo tired. I'm not even sure why I am writing in this if I'm so tired. I should probably take a nap or something. But I just need to vent about a couple things.

I finally got around to practicing piano at home again. I tried to do as much review as possible, and also do the new stuff, but it all didn't sound that good. I stopped to ask God to help and then went on. Finally, I just couldn't do it anymore. Maybe cause I'm tired, I don't know. It's just as well. I have history homework due tomorrow. I have to do reading and find some websites. Joy. Usually I get my history homework done early, during the week it's assigned, and don't wait till the weekend.

I'm worried. I'm not usually a slacker. Seriously. College has had a bad effect on me, I think, in that it has caused me to procrastinate and slack off, things I used to almost never do in high school. I also tend to stay up late more often and get less sleep. I also drink soda way more than I used to, and eat out way more than I used to.

I spent a good part of Friday and yesterday working on my room. On Friday, I cleaned pretty much everything except the closet. Yesterday I worked from around 11am to around 6pm, with a break for lunch, cleaning off the floor of my closet, going through the clothes in my closet and both my chests of drawers, and going through the boxes sitting on my closet shelf to see if I really needed to keep all that stuff. I went from 6 boxes to 2, pretty much emptied out my tall dresser and my closet of clothes, and totally emptied my short chest of drawers of clothes, since I don't wear anything out of there. Mum went through the bags of clothes yesterday (and I think a little today too cause I saw her today with one of my old Halloween costumes, which I had bagged) and I think she's going to take most of them to the homeless mission she volunteers at. Good riddance, I guess. Less is more. Of course now I have only a few pairs of pants that fit and no shorts at all, except for a couple pairs that we bought for me to wear over my swimsuit. But oh well.

Part of the reason I'm so tired is probably cause of all the work I did yesterday and also cause I walked 4 miles today, to and from Madison Middle School for church. Strangely, the sermon was about worry, which is exactly what's been on my mind lately. In fact, I've been eating a lot of toast lately...which means I'm probably depressed (carbs help calm you down), or maybe it's just menstrual (I'm just ending my period).

Maybe I won't nap. I mean, I have enough concentration to type all this, right? I guess I could just lie on my bed and read. If I was really truly tired, I wouldn't be able to keep my eyes open, likely.

Some good stuff is happening, though, I guess. These two movies I really liked in the theater came out on DVD (Just Like Heaven and Elizabethtown) and Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire comes out on DVD in 9 days. Lenora seems to be in better moods the days I work with her. February is almost over, so hopefully I'll get my 4-day workweek back soon (I've been trying to be more sociable and be on my best behavior). I got through my first piano quiz and my first health test all right.

Tammy (a friend of mine who used to live here but then moved to Arkansas) sent me and some other people a link for a Brain Test. It tests whether you have a more male or more female brain. I landed somewhere in the middle. I wonder what that means...

I need a dose of funny-ness right now so I'm going to look in my joke book to see if there's a good joke I can end this with.

Here's one:

Patient: Doc, what would you recommend for an insomniac like me?
Doctor: A good night's sleep.

Maybe I will nap if that's the joke that catches my eye.

G'night.

Not sure what to call this

Overall, not a bad day. Mum was kind of strict though, saying I needed to work on my room (even though it wasn't that messy cause I had just worked on it) cause she said my room still smells. I have had problems with my room smelling for a while. I think it's partly cause my feet --particularly the soles of my feet--have this disposition (possibly genetic, since my dad has the same problem) to sweat more than normal and thus stink. Either that or something else that I have no idea what it is.

I had called Amy (best friend) yesterday to see if she wanted to get together today (cause I'm off work) and we did get together but not until the evening cause of my cleaning, which made me forget other stuff. Jesse (her husband) decided to come home early though so we only spent like 2 1/2 hours together. Most of that was spent getting dinner and trying to figure out how to hook things up to utilize the GBA Connectivity available in The Legend of Zelda: Four Swords.

I also found pictures for and created my Sailor Jupiter video, the last video I need to have made a Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon video for each of the scouts. I am going to do a Tuxedo Kamen one too I think, and maybe one on his girlfriend Hina to "Don't Speak" by No Doubt, one of Sailor Luna, maybe one of Mio (even though she's a bad guy) cause there's a lot of pics of her in the Special Act (when she makes herself Queen of the Dark Kingdom), and maybe either a general one or a Minako memorial one to the song "Friends" by Michael W. Smith (maybe the Jump5 version since that sounds really good). Although I guess it wouldn't make sense to do a Minako memorial one since I incorporated some of that in the Sailor Venus/Minako video. Plus they make this big deal with her dying on the show, but she obviously in some way gets resurrected or something, cause she's shown at the end of the Final Act and also in the Special Act (set four years after the Final Act), when she should be dead. Her death had nothing to do with her being a senshi (like how the senshis' deaths were at the end of seasons 1 and 5 of the anime and of the beginning and end of the manga); it was clear throughout the series that she had a terminal illness, and although I don't think it's ever said for certain what her disease is, I'm guessing it's probably some kind of cancer. This is because she does have a tendency to pass out (especially later in the series), which could be from chemotherapy, and also in Act 23 after talking to Rei, she is seen doing her checkup, and the huge thing they put her in looks very much like a MRI scanner, and I think MRIs are used in cancer treatment. If that is what she does every month, maybe she has brain cancer? The only thing refuting this is that she never seems to lose her hair, and it definitely does not look like a wig. Also there is talk of an operation, and cancer only really relies on operations to get tumors out, which seems impossible in Minako's case, since she says she'd have like a 0% chance of recovery if she had surgery. (Which suggests she died either on the operating table or in the recovery room, since in Act 47 she does go through with the surgery).

I made some headway with my major research, looking up the articulation of English majors at some Cal States on ASSIST. Basically will classes I take at jr. college transfer as lower division requirements.

However, I made the mistake of telling my mom this, and she went into the room and board speech again about how they can't afford room and board if I go away and to consider going to the nearby Cal State in another town in the county (I won't say which one so as not to reveal where I live besides the state). What she implies by this is that I would go there and live at home while doing so. Hello, what 20-something gal wants to live at home when she's already lived at home about three years going to community college? And what if I meet my future spouse there, and he's from around here too, and I end up living here for the rest of my life? I couldn't do it. I have this urge to travel that will not go away, and I know just living near where I was born and raised ain't gonna cut it. I mean, I don't have any like severe wanderlust or whatever, like I can't stay in a place long or anything.

My problem in terms of financial aid is that my parents are upper-middle-class white people. This means I am not likely to get any grants from the government. I would have to be like poor and Latina or something to get that (please...I am not racist...I'm just saying). Thanks to affirmative action and the desire of the government to help kids from poor families make it into college, most of the funds go to minorities and poor people. Not that those methods are horrible in and of themselves. I think it's good to help the disadvantaged and also help to diversify our schools with people of different races who might otherwise be underrepresented. I mean, at Tri-City, there were mostly white people, with a few African-Americans, one or two Asians, and a few "Persians" (as they called themselves, I'm not sure what the official term is).

I just wonder about me, and my brother, for that matter, who is almost out of high school. Neither one of us is likely to get a lot of money for college. Fortunately, he is better at saving money than I am, so I imagine he'll have some saved up. I am horrible at saving money, going through my paycheck usually as far as I can go so that pretty much nothing's left in savings.

All of this put a damper on my spirits, even though hanging out with Amy was fun. I guess I could talk to God about this, but I'm not too sure about his provision. I mean he's not just going to provide if I don't do anything. Don't they say, "Heaven helps those who help themselves"? It's not magic. Even though I've read stories of people who needed money for something and prayed and got a mysterious envelope in the mail with the exact amount of money they needed (or something similar), I feel kinda skeptical about that.

Speaking of spiritual stuff, the weirdest thing happened last night. Well maybe not weird, but it seems like a weird thing now, in terms of coincidences. Emilee, this girl in my Growth Group, felt I had opened up more and grown so much during Snow Blast, that she bought me A NEW BIBLE and a BIBLE COVER!! It was so random. I mean, it's not even my birthday or anything. The reason it seemed like a weird coincidence is I've been saying I needed a new Bible for months, cause my one from 5 years ago or so that Mum got me is literally falling apart. I put pieces of medical adhesive tape across the spine just so it would stay together for Snow Blast, for goodness sake! But I couldn't decide which one to get, cause I really want to do more with the Bible than just read it, but I'm not sure how to go about it. And here she goes and buys me a Bible. How weird. Believe me, I don't remember ever praying about this. It's like God knew I needed it, so he got me one. Which is really truly weird.

Speaking of Snow Blast, it was good. No snow, but oh well. The talks were on heaven, and Steve (the speaker) did this one dramatic monologue thing that I've seen him do before (he used to work for the church as head of student ministries then left to plant his own church) about a grumpy workaholic guy who goes to work and Jesus comes back and the guy experiences the believers' judgment and realizes his life has little eternal significance...and then at the end, it turns out to be a dream. (Figures). Yet he is inspired to live differently from then on. This got me to thinking about my own life and the lack of eternal significance in it. I prayed longer and harder than I have at all in recent years, taking time in the prayer room (a room in the lodge set aside for prayer and stuff) after breakfast and then some time during solo time sitting under a tree.

I did feel God telling me I needed to change. I also felt moved to pray for people who cannot assemble freely to worship God, but I have no idea why I felt this urging. As for the rest, I was so into it I'm not entirely sure what I said or what God said. I could try to say, but it would be a reconstruction at best.

I did feel closer to God this last weekend than at other camps. I even took a couple pictures of my solo time spot as mementos.

I need to stop writing this and get this stuff out of my head, at least for now. I would go to bed now, but I am waiting for my laundry so that at least some of my sheets will be clean and I'll have something to sleep under tonight. (I'm washing my sheets and blankets to see if that'll get out the smell in my room). I guess I could go take a shower, although I don't have any shampoo at present. I keep forgetting to buy shampoo cause of my smaller check this time around (I just spent $13 of my money buying dinner for Amy and I tonight, which means if I want more money I'll have to take out more, and after taking out $50 for Mum, my check of $103 and something was cut basically in half, and there's little left). I'll see if Mum has some I can use.

GOOD NIGHT!