And again...a death

I am not really sure what to think right now. Everything seems so confusing.

My dad called my brother and I downstairs a few minutes ago, which I knew had to mean trouble, cause my mom has been gone since Tuesday because my grandpa (her dad) was really sick and she felt she needed to be with him.

When we were seated in the living room, my dad said, "Grandpa died about 15 minutes ago."

He then went on to mention the details and such. I kept having to bite my lip cause part of me wanted to cry, and yet I was trying to stay composed.

Funeral arrangements have not yet been made, but they will be soon, I imagine, which means I may have to request off work on short notice pleading emergency. I just hope the day we have to go up isn't Saturday cause I'm covering for Brandon that day, so it would be really hard for them to find a replacement.

My mom now has no parents, since my grandma died in 1999. Her only immediate family (besides us) now is her two brothers, my Uncles Stan and Vernon. I'm not even sure whether Uncle Vernon would be able to make it to the funeral, since he's stationed in Japan right now with the Navy, but he will probably come anyways, since he came for my grandma's funeral.

I wonder if my black dress fits...I bought it for my first Homecoming my junior year of high school, and I'm pretty sure I've gained weight since then. I've only worn it for two Homecomings and a bar mitzvah. Maybe something else too...I don't remember. I think I wore it for a Growth Group social once when we all dressed up. That wasn't too long ago, so it probably still fits.

Why did this have to happen now? I was having a hard enough time trying to trust God, and he has to bring another tragedy into my life! My grandma's death was what started my downward spiral of distrust in God in the first place.

I'm sorry. I can't write any more. I'm just too confused. Bye...