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Friday, November 04, 2005

Careers, Zeal, Covenants, etc.

My career counseling appointment went well. After asking some basic questions, Robin (the counselor) showed me some websites and also let me take the True Colors personality test again (the one I took at her seminar). I am going to try to look over that stuff today, since I don't have to work (we just got a new person so I get Fridays off...at least this month...yay!). I do need to clean my room though cause Mum asked me to. But I'll have some time to myself tonight cause of Andrew's football game.

One site Robin showed me is assist.org, which is the official transfer site for California. Oddly enough, my Human Development teacher mentioned that site yesterday in class in regards to a psychology major. Strange coincidence.

Maybe I will finally get around to watching my new DVD today. I bought Nausicaa of the Valley of Wind a few days ago. It's an older Hayao Miyazaki film (he did Spirited Away and Princess Mononoke too, among others) that just recently came out on DVD in English. I might get Porco Rosso too, which is another old Miyazaki film that was recently released. Too bad I couldn't have got it this week cause it's set in the 1920's (I think) which is what we're studying in Western Civ (well and the 1930's too) this week.

I haven't watched my Generator Gawl DVD's yet either. I watched the "clean" opening and ending credits (no credits, just the images) to see if I could get clips from them for Windows Movie Maker (and had to change the color on my laptop to 16 bit cause the DVD player required it...grr). This did not work though. Watching the ending again though was pretty fun cause I actually realized that in every shot Gawl is sleeping. I guess they sort of compressed the image in the ending with credits, so I didn't notice.

I also bought more manga. I now have all the Magic Knight Rayearth mangas (both series, since I just bought volume 3 of 3 of Magic Knight Rayearth II) and all of Man of Many Faces (there's only 2 volumes of that, and I just bought volume 2). They have box sets of the MKR TV show (dubbed as Rayearth for season 1 and Rayearth II for season 2) at Suncoast Motion Picture Co. (which has lots of anime stuff, though the toys and such seem to all be from Inuyasha at the moment, which is not a series I have ever seen). They also had DVD's for $9.99 of a series called Project A-ko which I have been wanting to see on video. (It's just been released on video, not TV over here...I don't know if it ever was on TV to begin with, here or in Japan). I went back and forth about getting it and finally decided to wait. Though I like it, I have 2 problems. First, I first found out about this series from mangas I borrowed from Kyle, this guy I had a "relationship" (just a close friendship, actually, since he had a girlfriend, but I began to feel it was more) with that ended up not going well. Secondly, when my parents saw the mangas (after my brother saw them and thought they were bad so he ratted on me) they disapproved of them cause of the nudity. Now there isn't a lot of nudity in it (I'm not into porn or anything) but apparently enough for them to not like it. Then again, I'm not surprised Kyle had them cause he seems like a person who would be into porn. I mean, he has no respect for women sexually-wise, thinking of having sex with them as a sort of conquest (according to how he responded when I last saw him, randomly, wayyyy after we "broke up" -- if it can be called that -- when I asked him if he had had sex with Rosanne, his girlfriend, as I had heard from his sister Rhoda, who I still hear from and all and who suspected as such. He seemed proud of it...eww!!). I understand the show was originally going to be an installment of Cream Lemon, a notorious hentai anime show (hentai is basically anime porn) but instead it became its own non-hentai series. Now the videos do warn you that there is violence and brief nudity, which is basically bad enough to rate them at 13 and up (a special "rating" they put on certain anime DVD's, even the uncut Sailor Moon S DVD's -- probably cause of Haruka and Michiru, who are a homosexual couple in the original show, and plus there's more violence than in the first 2 seasons--and also some Tenchi Muyo DVD's, particularly the movies, all of which contain violence and some "bath" nudity--"baths" in Japan are like spas to us--that was edited with the painting on of swimsuits on TV).

The talk at The Jordan (my church's college group) this last Sunday was on spiritual zeal. I missed group cause I hadn't planned on going cause I figured we'd stay all day at the pier, instead of getting home at 5ish pm. I went to my Growth Group (home Bible study) last night so we talked more about it. I realized I don't have that much zeal for God. It reminds me of Tales of Symphonia. No matter what happens, even after the whole thing with the goddess Martel is revealed to be a sham of a plot by power-hungry evolved beings (or "angels" as most people call them), Colette still believes in Martel, which I guess seems understandable, since she's the Chosen of Mana for Sylvarant, who is supposed to save the world and "revive" Martel from her sleep in order to do so. She's been raised like everybody else to worship Martel, and probably more so as the Chosen. But it seems as if her belief in Martel never wavers, as the others' belief does. I think she definitely has spiritual zeal. She is devoted to Martel, and willing even to sacrifice herself to the twisted use of Cruxis (the organization of angels that supposedly serve Martel, but in reality includes the bad guys, the Desians, and has its own agenda) in order to serve her.

Not that zeal in Christianity is quite like that. Someone already made the ultimate sacrifice for us, not to become a vessel for a goddess (as is Cruxis's plan for Colette and for the Chosens in general), but to sacrifice himself for our sins and reconcile us to God forever (not just until the time for the next Chosen's journey comes, as in Colette's case). And because we accept his salvation, we ought to be zealous about God and his word, the same way we get excited about getting a paycheck at work or something.

I need to think that over more. And pray about it.

I am reading the fourth book in the Caitlin diaries of the Diary of a Teenage Girl series by Melody Carlson, which is called On My Own. I absolutely love this series, and we have all the books at work, so that's where I get them (I buy them so I have more time to read them, what with school and all, plus I don't have to worry about getting something on them while I'm eating, like I would if I was borrowing it, cause we borrow books off the sale floor so they have to stay in saleable condition). In the Caitlin series, there's a boy named Josh. He has a thing for Caitlin, and she for him, and I think they dated some but then broke things off when they couldn't keep their hands off each other. (He also has a sister named Chloe who is Caitlin's friend, and who I imagine the Chloe diaries in this same series are probably about). Anyway, in this book, he proposes something, inspired by a paper he wrote for a class at the Bible college he's attending. He proposes he and Caitlin make a covenant to get engaged, like in Old Testament times. Most of her friends, and also her roommate Liz, think the idea is pretty nuts. I personally thought it was a little weird too, but kind of interesting. I mean, is that like being engaged in terms of today's norms, or not? Caitlin's friends and parents seem to think so, but I'm not sure. At any rate, I imagine it will lead to an engagement, cause I sneaked a peek at the back of the fifth and final Caitlin diary and it has her marrying Josh, so I figure that they'll get together, probably when Caitlin is out of college (she's a year younger than Josh).

Well I am going to use the restroom and then start on getting my room clean so I can get my laundry started early so it's done before other people in the house need to do laundry (that was a big hassle last time). I think getting the laundry off the floor will help a LOT. (That's usually what makes my room messy). I want to make sure to clean my desk so I can use my laptop on there more and actually not have to worry about changing my position when my arm gets sore (which it does when I'm using my laptop on my bed). After that, I need to see if I have any homework, cause I'd like to get that done early. I think I do. Especially since I have Ambience Sunday night so I have to be early. I need to get caught up on Western Civ reading if I haven't already (I have to check) and do the questions we're supposed to answer in our notebooks. That way I won't be swamped with having to play catchup right before finals, which are a little more than a month away.

The Spring schedule is coming out soon, but it's online already so I'm going to try to pick out my classes early. I might as well ask Dannie if my schedule is going to change a lot, like in terms of what days I have off and so forth, cause I'd like to try to do what I am doing now and go to school on my days off so it doesn't conflict with my work schedule and I don't have to go to school and work on the same day (like my coworker Brandon does). I also plan on trying to free up lunch hour on Thursdays so I can start going to Intervarsity again. (Intervarsity is a Christian club on campus). Assuming I don't wind up having to work on Thursdays. I stopped going cause work conflicted (at Wendy's) and when I switched jobs, initially I had work and school together and got busy, and this semester I have lab on Thursdays, which usually doesn't get done before 12:00 pm, when the Intervarsity meetings start. If I don't work during the day on Wednesdays (like if I work 4-8pm as I've been doing lately) I'll go to the Intervarsity Bible Study too. Actually I could be doing that now but I do other stuff instead. Which is kinda dumb. And when Marcus (one of the leaders) asked me about it, I said I had to work, which was true, but I don't have to work at the time they have the Bible study (at least not right now) so I really have no excuse. I need to get more into the Bible anyway.

It's said that "No man is an island." But when things get overwhelming, I shut myself off from everybody and try to deal with the problem by myself. Like that Relient K song that says "I'll kill the thing that turns me away/amputate the arm that will disobey/withdraw from everything that's hurting me/until you finish your work in me." I want to be independent, sure I do, but I am quickly realizing I need society...I need other people. I think this is why Christian in The Pilgrim's Progress is so happy to have a companion --first Faithful, who he meets along the way, and then Hopeful (who joins Christian after Faithful is martyred at Vanity Fair). And that is why God said at the creation that "it is not good for the man to be alone."

In reading the Caitlin diary, I have to admit I sympathized a bit on both sides. I could understand Caitlin's frustration at dealing with a difficult person who you are stuck with nearly daily (in her case, her roommate Liz). I go through this with my coworker Brandon, who annoys the heck out of me most of the time. But I could also identify with Liz. Liz left the church cause she wound up having an affair with her youth pastor and thus was mad at God for allowing that to happen. So, she has trouble trusting people and has very few friends. I am like that too, a lot. Especially since the situation with Kyle. Not that that pushed me away from the church. But that, added to my grandmothers' deaths and the pressures of high school, helped fuel the fire of my bitterness and anger toward God. (I like how Chloe responds when Caitlin asks her how high school is. She says: "Oh, it's pretty much the same. Too many insecure kids, like me I suppose, all trying to act cool but looking like complete morons just the same." That is so true!!)

In the movie we watched yesterday in Human Development, the narrator said that adolescence is a time when we begin to think of idealistic settings -- how the world ought to be -- and we often find the world ---and especially our parents --- come up short of our ideals. Now I am technically out of adolescence (I'm 21...and I can't believe I put that in my blog for all to see, but then again pretty much not very many people know the URL to my blog, and the people that know already know my age). But I still feel its effects.

I guess this is why a lot of teenagers and college students turn away from God, cause they don't think he measures up either.

Gosh look at how the time's flown by. I've been writing for like an hour or so, actually like an hour and a half. I need to get working on my room!! Bye for now.

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