Monday, July 17, 2006

Lost with careers

I am still at a loss in terms of careers. I feel pressured to choose a major this summer cause I committed to that, for one, following the procedure in my decision-making paper, and because if I want to transfer by next fall I have to apply to universities this fall. I can't go to junior college forever. I know some people transfer not knowing what they want to do, but if you transfer as a junior, junior year you're usually doing major work, right?

Mum seems to think I should do office work. But I don't want to just do office work. First of all, that's what she did, and I'd rather not do the same thing as her. Second, if that's what my career is going to be, then these last three years of college have been a total waste, since for most entry-level office jobs you don't need a degree.

I don't know who to turn to. I don't think a counselor would understand, my mom obviously wouldn't, I don't think my dad would, and I don't know how to approach God about it, seeing as 95% of the time I pray I feel like I am talking to the wall, or practicing a scene from a play. And those times I don't feel that way, I end up later feeling as if those experiences weren't genuine anyways cause my life doesn't change.

I have tried to vent this anger by writing in here, writing about it in the writers' forum (where I feel free to say stuff like this cause I know those people better than those at the other forum I belong to), and mashing buttons playing Tales of Symphonia, beating the crud out of the monsters in Niflheim or the Meltokio Coliseum. Those seem better than just talking to people, who just utter pleasantries to try to make me feel better. Either I vent or I just try to ignore it by doing other stuff.

I have tried looking up stuff on careers too to try to help my decision, but this only makes things more confusing.

The only hope I have is I know I still want to write, though I haven't written since May. But I know I need to be able to support myself till I can make money doing that, or instead of that if it doesn't work out.

Yet I have to balance what I want and my interests plus my mom's expectations while trying to include God in the decision. UGH....MENTAL OVERLOAD!!!!!

I looked into history but the only choices seem to be museum curator, historian, and teacher. And teaching, which seemed like a good idea at one time, now no longer really interests me. At least in history. English I might be able to teach, though I would probably never be a Mr. Keating (the teacher from Dead Poets' Society). Yet Mum says I should do something with computers. But I can't figure out what high-paying job you can do in that which doesn't require a computer science degree and high math. I've thought about being involved in the video game industry, but I don't know how to get there. And the main good school for that is UCLA, which the transfer counselor I went to said I couldn't get into with my GPA.

Well I'll look into it. For right now I'm gonna try to watch some more Tokyo Mew Mew before I have to leave for work (I've been watching it on YouTube and I really like it).

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