This is a practice for me to replicate for myself a version of the monologues given in Lesson 3-A of the podcast I'm listening to to learn Hebrew.
Here goes.
Shalom.
Shmi Misty.
Ani studentit.
Ani lomedet sifrut.
Ani ovedet ch·n·vt m·ch·v·lt.
Translation:
Hello.
My name is Misty.
I am a student.
I study literature.
I work in a grocery store.
The words "studentit," "lomedet," and "ovedet" indicate right away that I am female, as they contain suffixes (-it and -et) used when referring to a female.
The dots in the word "ch·n·vt m·ch·v·lt" supposedly would be for vowels that are left out, but I don't know what vowels they would be.
Here's another possibility:
Shalom.
Shmi Misty.
Ani studentit.
Ani lomedet m·n·vt.
Ani ovedet ch·n·vt m·ch·v·lt.
Translation: Hello. My name is Misty. I am a student. I am studying art. I work in a grocery store.
I tried to find more vocab to learn, but even on the darn Internet such things as vocab lists for languages are few and far between.
For fun, here's the same two conversations in French (which I know much better).
Bonjour.
Je m'appelle Misty.
Je suis une étudiante.
J'étudie la littérature.
Je travaille dans la boulangerie de un épicierie.
Bonjour.
Je m'appelle Misty.
Je suis une étudiante.
J'etudie l'imprimerie ce semestre.
Je travaille dans la boulangerie de un épicierie.
I changed this up a little cause I know more French than Hebrew.
Translation:
#1:
Hello.
My name is Misty.
I am a (female) student.
I study literature.
I work in the bakery of a grocery shop.
#2:
Hello.
My name is Misty.
I am a (female) student.
I am studying printing this semester.
I work in the bakery of a grocery shop.
Notice here: I put (female) before student because I used the word for "student" with its feminine ending. Also by "printing" I mean the printing trade.
That's all. I'm gonna find something for dinner and probably watch Howl's Moving Castle like I intended to do tonight. I've seen it already, but only in Japanese.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Monday, March 24, 2008
Etching, Russian & Hebrew by podcast, Vegas trip,The Supervisor is Watching You, Deathly Hallows as 2 films, etc.
Wow haven't written most of this month. Well there hasn't been much to report. I've gone to work and school and then come home and did stuff.
I am now riding the SPRINTER, a light-rail train, to work and school. In both cases, the SPRINTER is only part of my journey, and I have to catch buses before and after. It is a very nice train. It is quiet and smooth, and the seats are pretty comfortable. Plus, it's kind of cool because in the middle of the train there's an accordion-esque thing that allows one part of the train to move so the train can round curves without having to move the whole train. (Some of the San Diego buses have this thing too). Riding the SPRINTER is necessary for me to get to work now that the 320's been axed; it's not necessary to get to and from school using it (there's a bus I could take, I think, from school to the bus station I catch the bus home at) but it's fun anyways. The connection between the 319 (the bus that connects Mira Costa and the nearest SPRINTER station) and the SPRINTER though is very badly timed.
We are now doing etching in my printmaking class (though I'm a little behind and have to still run prints for my 2nd blockprint). I asked the teacher for permission to borrow an etching tool so I could work on my etching at home and catch up. So I did. But I had trouble printing it; the prints came out too light. The teacher said the lines needed to be thicker, so I borrowed an etching tool again with the intention of working on it last week during spring break. I must confess I put it off. The first part of the week, we were in Vegas Sunday and Monday, I was off Tuesday and Thursday, and I worked the rest of the week and was quite tired and stressed. I almost did it last night but ended up doing other things instead. But I finally worked on it tonight, as soon as I got home from work. It is better now.
The etching I am doing is of a page from one of my W.I.T.C.H. comic books that has a picture of Cornelia and Elyon. I was initially afraid it would be too big when the teacher was passing out squares of Plexiglass, but when I laid the Plexiglass on the picture, it fit just fine.
Here is the picture (resized to fit my blog post space):
Etching is at least easier than the blockprints, though when we move on to etching on metal plates it will supposedly be harder. Also, printing etchings is harder than printing blockprints.
I am learning 2 new languages thanks to the Radio Lingua Network's slew of podcasts on iTunes and my trusty iPod Nano: Russian and Hebrew. I have listened to two lessons of each, and am now listening to supplementary lessons from LearnHebrewPod.com (the site for the podcast I'm listening to to learn Hebrew). They are not as hard as I thought; I always figured Russian was pretty hard. I had issues though pronouncing the word for "hello" (Zdrastvuite) but I think I have figured it out.
Last week, we went to Vegas for my uncle's funeral. It was overall an ok trip but pretty boring. We did drive down the Strip on the first night though and saw all the famous hotels. The funeral service the next day was brief (due to Veteran Cemetery regulations) and after it we went and ate at the buffet at the hotel we had stayed at. It was a very good buffet, though I didn't eat much. I wasn't terribly hungry after my first helping (three fried wontons, some steamed rice, a breadstick, and some overly buttered penne, all of which I ate), so I just had dessert after that (a couple cookies, a small brownie-esque thing with M & M's, and a small bowl of ice cream).
This last week and then some has been stressful at work cause supervisors of various sorts have been in almost every day. Not to mention we just got through a holiday week (Easter; not to mention St. Patrick's Day was the same week). I've sampled once in about two weeks. The rest of the time I've been packaging to the point where if I were a less moral girl than I am, I would probably swear the next time I saw a dinner roll. Yesterday, I described myself as being in a "La Brea nightmare" cause I worked with La Brea all day (for FIVE HOURS). The supervisors' constant presence reminds me of the book 1984 (which I've heard of but never read) where it is said that "BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING YOU." In our case, it's THE SUPERVISOR IS WATCHING YOU. This stress has been weighing most heavily on our manager Tori, and lots of stress on a woman in her first trimester -- that's right, she's PREGNANT -- is not good. I am once again concerned about her lifting things when she's not supposed to (as I was with Katie).
Well, the news finally became official -- after weeks of rumors and at least one leak -- that Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows will be split into TWO films, un-creatively titled Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1 and Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2. I agree with what I've been hearing that using subtitles in the title would be better. This has worked for lots of movies, most recently Pirates of the Caribbean (all three films of which have subtitles in their titles -- Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest, and Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End) and National Treasure (the second movie is called National Treasure: Book of Secrets). The Star Wars prequels also succeeded at this (with the subtitles The Phantom Menace, Attack of the Clones, and Revenge of the Sith respectively).
Possible subtitles? It probably depends on how they split the movies. I personally think that after they are captured by the Snatchers and dragged off to Malfoy Manor is a good cliffhanger ending, though after the Silver Doe appears would be logical too since that's about the halfway point of the book. It also is when Ron returns to the group after a long absence, an event which brings resolution and also echoes the end of the Chamber of Secrets movie (where everyone is in the Great Hall and Hermione, who's been Petrified, runs in alive and well and is greeted by Harry and Ron).
So hmm possible subtitles then. Maybe Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: The Battle Begins and Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: The Battle Ends. Ok maybe too cheesy. Or maybe Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Soul Searching and Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Sole Enemy. The "soul searching" being the search for the Horcruxes; the "sole enemy" being Voldemort. Plus the pun on "soul" and "sole" would be interesting.
On PotterCast, they were saying if they really wanted to do the books justice, they could have split all the movies. That would've been interesting. Order of the Phoenix could've totally been split. I can imagine Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix: The Rebellion Begins and Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix: The Power of Friends. Or something like that.
Anyway not much more to say I think. Good night.
I am now riding the SPRINTER, a light-rail train, to work and school. In both cases, the SPRINTER is only part of my journey, and I have to catch buses before and after. It is a very nice train. It is quiet and smooth, and the seats are pretty comfortable. Plus, it's kind of cool because in the middle of the train there's an accordion-esque thing that allows one part of the train to move so the train can round curves without having to move the whole train. (Some of the San Diego buses have this thing too). Riding the SPRINTER is necessary for me to get to work now that the 320's been axed; it's not necessary to get to and from school using it (there's a bus I could take, I think, from school to the bus station I catch the bus home at) but it's fun anyways. The connection between the 319 (the bus that connects Mira Costa and the nearest SPRINTER station) and the SPRINTER though is very badly timed.
We are now doing etching in my printmaking class (though I'm a little behind and have to still run prints for my 2nd blockprint). I asked the teacher for permission to borrow an etching tool so I could work on my etching at home and catch up. So I did. But I had trouble printing it; the prints came out too light. The teacher said the lines needed to be thicker, so I borrowed an etching tool again with the intention of working on it last week during spring break. I must confess I put it off. The first part of the week, we were in Vegas Sunday and Monday, I was off Tuesday and Thursday, and I worked the rest of the week and was quite tired and stressed. I almost did it last night but ended up doing other things instead. But I finally worked on it tonight, as soon as I got home from work. It is better now.
The etching I am doing is of a page from one of my W.I.T.C.H. comic books that has a picture of Cornelia and Elyon. I was initially afraid it would be too big when the teacher was passing out squares of Plexiglass, but when I laid the Plexiglass on the picture, it fit just fine.
Here is the picture (resized to fit my blog post space):
Etching is at least easier than the blockprints, though when we move on to etching on metal plates it will supposedly be harder. Also, printing etchings is harder than printing blockprints.
I am learning 2 new languages thanks to the Radio Lingua Network's slew of podcasts on iTunes and my trusty iPod Nano: Russian and Hebrew. I have listened to two lessons of each, and am now listening to supplementary lessons from LearnHebrewPod.com (the site for the podcast I'm listening to to learn Hebrew). They are not as hard as I thought; I always figured Russian was pretty hard. I had issues though pronouncing the word for "hello" (Zdrastvuite) but I think I have figured it out.
Last week, we went to Vegas for my uncle's funeral. It was overall an ok trip but pretty boring. We did drive down the Strip on the first night though and saw all the famous hotels. The funeral service the next day was brief (due to Veteran Cemetery regulations) and after it we went and ate at the buffet at the hotel we had stayed at. It was a very good buffet, though I didn't eat much. I wasn't terribly hungry after my first helping (three fried wontons, some steamed rice, a breadstick, and some overly buttered penne, all of which I ate), so I just had dessert after that (a couple cookies, a small brownie-esque thing with M & M's, and a small bowl of ice cream).
This last week and then some has been stressful at work cause supervisors of various sorts have been in almost every day. Not to mention we just got through a holiday week (Easter; not to mention St. Patrick's Day was the same week). I've sampled once in about two weeks. The rest of the time I've been packaging to the point where if I were a less moral girl than I am, I would probably swear the next time I saw a dinner roll. Yesterday, I described myself as being in a "La Brea nightmare" cause I worked with La Brea all day (for FIVE HOURS). The supervisors' constant presence reminds me of the book 1984 (which I've heard of but never read) where it is said that "BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING YOU." In our case, it's THE SUPERVISOR IS WATCHING YOU. This stress has been weighing most heavily on our manager Tori, and lots of stress on a woman in her first trimester -- that's right, she's PREGNANT -- is not good. I am once again concerned about her lifting things when she's not supposed to (as I was with Katie).
Well, the news finally became official -- after weeks of rumors and at least one leak -- that Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows will be split into TWO films, un-creatively titled Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1 and Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2. I agree with what I've been hearing that using subtitles in the title would be better. This has worked for lots of movies, most recently Pirates of the Caribbean (all three films of which have subtitles in their titles -- Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest, and Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End) and National Treasure (the second movie is called National Treasure: Book of Secrets). The Star Wars prequels also succeeded at this (with the subtitles The Phantom Menace, Attack of the Clones, and Revenge of the Sith respectively).
Possible subtitles? It probably depends on how they split the movies. I personally think that after they are captured by the Snatchers and dragged off to Malfoy Manor is a good cliffhanger ending, though after the Silver Doe appears would be logical too since that's about the halfway point of the book. It also is when Ron returns to the group after a long absence, an event which brings resolution and also echoes the end of the Chamber of Secrets movie (where everyone is in the Great Hall and Hermione, who's been Petrified, runs in alive and well and is greeted by Harry and Ron).
So hmm possible subtitles then. Maybe Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: The Battle Begins and Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: The Battle Ends. Ok maybe too cheesy. Or maybe Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Soul Searching and Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Sole Enemy. The "soul searching" being the search for the Horcruxes; the "sole enemy" being Voldemort. Plus the pun on "soul" and "sole" would be interesting.
On PotterCast, they were saying if they really wanted to do the books justice, they could have split all the movies. That would've been interesting. Order of the Phoenix could've totally been split. I can imagine Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix: The Rebellion Begins and Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix: The Power of Friends. Or something like that.
Anyway not much more to say I think. Good night.
Thursday, March 06, 2008
Blockprints are hard, new podcasts, etc
Well today I was trying to finish my second blockprint. But I had to finish printing off my first blockprint, and ran into a couple snags: one of my papers which was in the water bin got snatched by some unknown person, and I remembered afterward to clean up my ink, and that ate up a bunch of time. I spent the first hour of class in the print lab running the prints and then cleaning the ink off the table using paint thinner and (via a classmate's recommendation) pages torn from a phone book.
I then worked on making the last few needed cuts in my key plate while listening to my iPod. Once I was ready to transfer the image to the other plates, I went and found the teacher and asked him how to do it. He told me, and I brought over to the print lab (where the ink rollers were) my plates, some butcher paper, a rubber thingie, and this flat thing for holding your plate flat so you can register the image for test prints and for getting the image on the initial plate. The process was supposed to be thus: you make a print of the key plate (i.e., the one that was cut). You then take that block out, put in a blank block, and rub the paper to make the image transfer from the paper to the block. Unfortunately, the lines on one block weren't too clear in some places, and one image didn't transfer well at all cause the tape holding down the paper loosened so the paper moved.
I told the teacher that my images didn't transfer well and he was saying something about cutting parts out and some other stuff my brain didn't quite process (must be that darn caffeine-free soda they had at College Hour). Anyway, we went back to the studio and he showed me with some colored pencils a way I could add colors to my otherwise black-and-white print. It involved cutting pieces out of the key plate - the cape, shoes, and the upper part of the outfit - after transferring the image to another plate, from which plate I would cut out everything BUT those parts I cut out of the key plate and then ink those in whatever colors I want. Then I would have a background plate, from which I also have to cut something out if I don't want the colors to blend. It's all so confusing. I'll have to come back to it with a clearer head.
I should mention what it is I'm doing a print of. Determined to do a person this time (after my previous print, a print of the weapons making up the Armor of God from my CYA story), I am doing a print of Yosi from the PowerMark comic series. I can't find a good picture of him, but if you go to powermarkcomics.com and click on "Goodies" and then click on the coloring page for Yosi, you will see the image I am doing a print of.
Speaking of blockprint #1, while it did not turn out perfect in either run (besides the sample one I did with my teacher's T.A., which of course looks better than my attempts), I am ok with it. Since I did a run with a light blue background and a run with a pink background, I am thinking of naming them "CYA Armor of God, Blue Period" and "CYA Armor of God, Rose Period," as a bit of a joke homage to Picasso, who is known for his "blue period" (where he painted a lot of paintings in blue hues) and his "rose period" (where he painted a lot of paintings in oranges and pinks). I suppose I am more satisfied with that print because since I actually drew the drawing from which it comes, I had more control over the look of it.
I am trying out new podcasts as a result of browsing iTunes yesterday in search of new things to listen to. I'm kinda low on money right now, and so podcasts are a good option to go for cause they're all free. During class today I listened to a NPR (National Public Radio) podcast on Books, where they talked during the first part about Hester Prynne as a character (which is what I wanted the episode for, actually, but the rest of it was good too), and to a BBC podcast called World Have Your Say, which explores news issues and lets people worldwide comment on them during the broadcast via phone, e-mail, text message, etc. This particular episode was on Russia and was done just prior to the recent elections there. It was quite interesting.
I better go soon so I am home in time for us to go out to dinner, since it's my brother's birthday. But I just have one more thing to say quickly.
My brother - Andrew - might have to move out soon.
Yeah you read right. You might be wondering why.
Well, it's a thing between my parents and my brother mostly, but they told me about it too, and while I don't plan on probably telling any actual person, I really wanted to work out my thoughts about it.
Basically, the issue is this: apparently my brother has been going out drinking and smoking marijuana with his friends. And our parents know about it, and they aren't happy (now granted, they themselves drink some alcohol now and then, but very moderately, and my mom occasionally smokes cigars, but not addictively). And they have told him to stop but he refuses. And so if he doesn't stop, he's going to have to move out by April 15.
If he does, I suppose it will be just as well, but still, he is my brother, and we have just in the last few years really started getting along. It will be weird if he leaves, especially if he moves out before me (since I'm the older one).
My first thought after hearing this had to do with my Aunt Jane (probably because my dad had just told me the confirmed date for my uncle's funeral earlier that day). She left my grandparents' house under similar circumstances - not drugs or anything - but basically moving out after having a fight with them. My mom also moved out at 17 because of issues at home. Is history repeating itself?
All of this too makes me wonder if I will ever move out. It doesn't look promising right now.
One last tidbit: My Mum did my taxes before I did the FAFSA, and it looks like I am going to get over $300 back as a tax refund. I have never gotten very much back from taxes, and always the refund came from the federal side (I always owed money to the state). So this is surprising.
I want to use the money for driving school, even though that would take up most if not all the money in one fell swoop. But I do want to get my license soon, even if I can't afford a car for a bit, just cause by this age, I am starting to feel really embarassed about not having a license.
Okay it's almost 5 so I'm gonna go. Bye.
I then worked on making the last few needed cuts in my key plate while listening to my iPod. Once I was ready to transfer the image to the other plates, I went and found the teacher and asked him how to do it. He told me, and I brought over to the print lab (where the ink rollers were) my plates, some butcher paper, a rubber thingie, and this flat thing for holding your plate flat so you can register the image for test prints and for getting the image on the initial plate. The process was supposed to be thus: you make a print of the key plate (i.e., the one that was cut). You then take that block out, put in a blank block, and rub the paper to make the image transfer from the paper to the block. Unfortunately, the lines on one block weren't too clear in some places, and one image didn't transfer well at all cause the tape holding down the paper loosened so the paper moved.
I told the teacher that my images didn't transfer well and he was saying something about cutting parts out and some other stuff my brain didn't quite process (must be that darn caffeine-free soda they had at College Hour). Anyway, we went back to the studio and he showed me with some colored pencils a way I could add colors to my otherwise black-and-white print. It involved cutting pieces out of the key plate - the cape, shoes, and the upper part of the outfit - after transferring the image to another plate, from which plate I would cut out everything BUT those parts I cut out of the key plate and then ink those in whatever colors I want. Then I would have a background plate, from which I also have to cut something out if I don't want the colors to blend. It's all so confusing. I'll have to come back to it with a clearer head.
I should mention what it is I'm doing a print of. Determined to do a person this time (after my previous print, a print of the weapons making up the Armor of God from my CYA story), I am doing a print of Yosi from the PowerMark comic series. I can't find a good picture of him, but if you go to powermarkcomics.com and click on "Goodies" and then click on the coloring page for Yosi, you will see the image I am doing a print of.
Speaking of blockprint #1, while it did not turn out perfect in either run (besides the sample one I did with my teacher's T.A., which of course looks better than my attempts), I am ok with it. Since I did a run with a light blue background and a run with a pink background, I am thinking of naming them "CYA Armor of God, Blue Period" and "CYA Armor of God, Rose Period," as a bit of a joke homage to Picasso, who is known for his "blue period" (where he painted a lot of paintings in blue hues) and his "rose period" (where he painted a lot of paintings in oranges and pinks). I suppose I am more satisfied with that print because since I actually drew the drawing from which it comes, I had more control over the look of it.
I am trying out new podcasts as a result of browsing iTunes yesterday in search of new things to listen to. I'm kinda low on money right now, and so podcasts are a good option to go for cause they're all free. During class today I listened to a NPR (National Public Radio) podcast on Books, where they talked during the first part about Hester Prynne as a character (which is what I wanted the episode for, actually, but the rest of it was good too), and to a BBC podcast called World Have Your Say, which explores news issues and lets people worldwide comment on them during the broadcast via phone, e-mail, text message, etc. This particular episode was on Russia and was done just prior to the recent elections there. It was quite interesting.
I better go soon so I am home in time for us to go out to dinner, since it's my brother's birthday. But I just have one more thing to say quickly.
My brother - Andrew - might have to move out soon.
Yeah you read right. You might be wondering why.
Well, it's a thing between my parents and my brother mostly, but they told me about it too, and while I don't plan on probably telling any actual person, I really wanted to work out my thoughts about it.
Basically, the issue is this: apparently my brother has been going out drinking and smoking marijuana with his friends. And our parents know about it, and they aren't happy (now granted, they themselves drink some alcohol now and then, but very moderately, and my mom occasionally smokes cigars, but not addictively). And they have told him to stop but he refuses. And so if he doesn't stop, he's going to have to move out by April 15.
If he does, I suppose it will be just as well, but still, he is my brother, and we have just in the last few years really started getting along. It will be weird if he leaves, especially if he moves out before me (since I'm the older one).
My first thought after hearing this had to do with my Aunt Jane (probably because my dad had just told me the confirmed date for my uncle's funeral earlier that day). She left my grandparents' house under similar circumstances - not drugs or anything - but basically moving out after having a fight with them. My mom also moved out at 17 because of issues at home. Is history repeating itself?
All of this too makes me wonder if I will ever move out. It doesn't look promising right now.
One last tidbit: My Mum did my taxes before I did the FAFSA, and it looks like I am going to get over $300 back as a tax refund. I have never gotten very much back from taxes, and always the refund came from the federal side (I always owed money to the state). So this is surprising.
I want to use the money for driving school, even though that would take up most if not all the money in one fell swoop. But I do want to get my license soon, even if I can't afford a car for a bit, just cause by this age, I am starting to feel really embarassed about not having a license.
Okay it's almost 5 so I'm gonna go. Bye.
Monday, March 03, 2008
Work crackdowns stretch my emotional control limits, among other things
Work the last few days has been a royal, stinking stress-fest. I know the wording of that is weird but I have no clue how else to say it. Usually, I am pretty good at maintaining my cool under stress and pressure, but when the stress level gets to a certain point, even something small can put me in a bad mood. On such days, I tend to get upset with really stupid things and take out my frustration on totally innocent people. Not only is this a very bad Christian example, but I feel awful afterwards for being such a pain in the...um, posterior (I cannot believe I actually considered putting the a-word there...bad girl). Also, when I get worked up, I totally destroy people's illusions that I am calm and can deal with anything that comes my way. I look weak and vulnerable, and sometimes I even end up in tears AT WORK --and, I'm sorry, that is just plain embarrassing as I see it. You don't cry at work. You can't. Especially if it's over something totally stupid. It's just not professional.
To anyone who might actually read this blog (I know I write very candidly and privately as if no one reads this, but I do know that more people than just me use Blogger and the Internet in general), you are probably thinking, "C'mon. You're only human." Yeah I do know I am only human. But I also want to look professional at work, and I want the managers to think well of me--but I don't think I do very well at that in situations like this.
Situations like this make me question my faith. If I'm supposedly growing as a Christian -- as I should have by now, after FOURTEEN YEARS as a believer -- why have I not learned to call on God to help me act the right way in situations like this? I know I do not do so consciously at work, except in some rare situations.
And why did I not turn to God for comfort on my way home? All I did on the bus ride home was first, sit and brood and sigh. Then, I turned on my iPod and listened to music, mainly Hilary Duff, and I felt like maybe my spirits were lifting as I sang along to "Someone's Watching Over Me" and "Jericho" while at the bus station waiting for the bus to school to buy my March bus pass. Then, I turned off the iPod and indulged in some Pokemon Pearl. My spirits lightened a bit when I won my second contest in a row. And the view of the slowly disappearing sunset over the horizon line of the view from where I catch the bus home from school was so pretty I just sat and stared at it. Then I indulged in more Pearl. After getting dinner at Arby's once I missed the 6:30 FAST, I turned on Mugglecast and listened to it.
The only time I remember thinking of God was when I was watching the sunset.
I have said it before, I am probably too hard on myself in regards to how I live my life -- spiritually and otherwise. I have this expectation of what I should be, and I get frustrated that I can't meet it. Subconsciously, or maybe consciously, I know that I'm just driving myself insane with this perfectionistic way of living. But I just can't stop. It's a pattern I have gotten myself into that I have no clue how to get out of. I'm not even sure if I asked God to help me get out of it if it would be possible, as blasphemous as that sounds.
I have difficulty trusting people -- it's gotten worse since Kyle, I think, but I think it was a problem even before then. Especially since my teenage years it has been difficult to trust God. The double whammy of my grandmother's death my freshman year of high school and the thing with Kyle my sophomore year really impacted me spiritually. Then junior year was tough academically speaking; I got a rather low score on my SAT due to being behind in math (due to a scheduling error my sophomore year), among other things. Then, in my senior year, another double whammy: my other grandmother died AND my best friend got pregnant out of wedlock.
College hasn't been much better; I've had rough spots with my grades, with my GPA dropping below 3.0 for the first time. Then Kyle had the nerve to butt into my life again, unannounced this time. I still had difficulties regarding career and school choices. Plus, I became disillusioned with the one Christian group on campus, just when I probably needed Christian friends most. I got laid off of a job I really liked, did finally find a new job (my current one) but dislike it greatly, and now because of my new job going to church has proven difficult (since I tend to work Sundays) and my experience of church has been reduced to going a few times with my parents to their new church and to listening to sermons from my church on my iPod.
As I was ranting I thought of a part of The Horse and His Boy when Shasta talks about his misfortunes. At one point, he says: "I do think that I must be the most unfortunate boy that ever lived in the whole world. Everything goes right for everyone except me." Then a Large Thing/Person (actually Aslan, but Shasta does not know this) approaches him, and bids Shasta to "Tell me your sorrows."
The following paragraph reads thus:
The response of Aslan to Shasta's tale of woe is interesting:
"I do not call you unfortunate." Interesting. "Unfortunate," in terms of word history, basically means "not prosperous or happy" (un- meaning "not" or some other negative; "fortunate" coming from a Latin word signifying prosperity and happiness).
I just thought also of how people sometimes quote schmaltzy Bible verses to comfort people in situations like mine. Ones like James 1:2 ("Consider it pure joy, my brothers, when you face various trials...") and Romans 8:28 ("All things work together for good for those who love him and are called according to his purpose"). That last one was actually on the list of the "Ten Most Misunderstood Verses" that I heard one of the pastors from my church preach on for a college group talk (which I got off iTunes as a podcast).
One verse that has been in my mind quite a bit lately is 1 Timothy 4:12: "Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers, in speech, in life, in love, in faith, and in purity." I think I was thinking of it because I was working the CYA storyline around in my head, and I thought it might be a great theme verse for them. But I suppose it applies to me too, and not just cause I know a cool song of it (which is how I have it memorized - I have this old cassette with some kids' thing on it with songs that are Bible verses also). A commentary I just found says this about the verse: "Because Timothy was young, he was vulnerable to the errors of youth which bring the often justified criticism of those older. To address this, Paul called him to live a life so that was so godly that no one could despise his youth." This makes sense, for he calls him to be an example in several areas: what he says (speech), what he does (life), how he treats others (love), in faith (the commentary previously quoted says this is "in a sense of faithfulness"), and in being pure (purity).
I decided to do a bit of a word study of these words right now, using Studylight.org's Greek lexicon. I used the KJV for the word study so I could use Strong's; the verse as quoted above is from the NIV.
***
The word translated "speech" is the Greek word logos, which is usually said to mean "word" but can mean "a word, uttered by a living voice, embodies a conception or idea," what somebody else has said, discourse, a type of teaching, or the topic of a conversation when referring to speech. It can also refer to reasoning or one's account of something in response to a judgment on something. Since the KJV translates the word as "word" though, the meaning is probably meant to refer to the "speech" sense of the word.
The word used for "life" is the Greek word anastrophe, which means "manner of life, conduct, behaviour, deportment." In other words, how do you behave? Does the talk match the walk, as it were. Interestingly, this word comes from another word -- anastrepho -- which means "to turn upside down, overturn," to sojourn in a place for a time, or to "turn back." It is the metaphorical sense only that gives us the "manner of life" direction.
Not surprisingly, the Greek word used for "love" here is agape. In Ancient Greek, there are three words for love: eros, phileo, and agape. Eros is the term for romantic love -- hence our word "erotic." Phileo is brotherly love -- hence the town of Philadelphia, PA being the "City of Brotherly Love." But agape goes deeper than eros and phileo and is defined as unconditional love. It is the love God is said in the Bible to have for us, and since we are commanded to "love one another as Christ has loved you," agape is for us too. However, being imperfect human beings, it is very difficult for us to show agape love. Yet Paul includes it on this list, so it must be important.
The word used for "faith" is the Greek word pistis, which can mean "conviction of the truth of anything, belief" and also "fidelity, faithfulness." I said before that the commentary viewed this as a "faithfulness" context. This word comes from the Greek word peitho, which means "to persuade" or "to trust."
The word for "purity" is hagneia and means "purity, sinlessness of life." This is confusing cause none of us are sinless.
***
I feel better having vented this here.
In other news, I may leave for school earlier than usual tomorrow to do some print lab work before class so I can focus more of class on my second blockprint, which I think Mr. Richards wants done by Thursday. I hate to get up early on my day off. But maybe I can still get up at 8, leave at 9:30, and just go straight to the print lab when I get to school instead of hanging out in the library or whatever. Actually, that's not a bad idea.
Basically, what I have to do is take one of my good papers out of the water it's in and put it in my blotter to dry, take the two dry papers out of the blotter and run prints on them, clean my plates to prep for my blue-ink prints, cut more paper to run the blue-ink prints, and then soak those papers and put as many of those in the blotter as I can fit (which will probably only be one or two).
The paper soaking only takes like 5 minutes, and you can go off and do something else while they soak (like with dishes...^v^). I don't have to worry about the papers I put in the blotter; they need to dry at least overnight anyway. And running the prints is actually not as time-consuming as it sounds, even with a hand-crank press. You ink your plate (or plates), set the plate on your paper (with newsprint underneath and on top) and then lay the cloth over it that keeps the ink off the press itself, and then crank. If you have a multi-plate image (like me) then you leave the printed image on the paper and just change the plate and then crank the press again.
Ok I am happy again I think. Venting is always useful. And with a blog, you don't have to worry about offending the ventee cause the blog is not a person.
There's not really anything else to say. Good night.
To anyone who might actually read this blog (I know I write very candidly and privately as if no one reads this, but I do know that more people than just me use Blogger and the Internet in general), you are probably thinking, "C'mon. You're only human." Yeah I do know I am only human. But I also want to look professional at work, and I want the managers to think well of me--but I don't think I do very well at that in situations like this.
Situations like this make me question my faith. If I'm supposedly growing as a Christian -- as I should have by now, after FOURTEEN YEARS as a believer -- why have I not learned to call on God to help me act the right way in situations like this? I know I do not do so consciously at work, except in some rare situations.
And why did I not turn to God for comfort on my way home? All I did on the bus ride home was first, sit and brood and sigh. Then, I turned on my iPod and listened to music, mainly Hilary Duff, and I felt like maybe my spirits were lifting as I sang along to "Someone's Watching Over Me" and "Jericho" while at the bus station waiting for the bus to school to buy my March bus pass. Then, I turned off the iPod and indulged in some Pokemon Pearl. My spirits lightened a bit when I won my second contest in a row. And the view of the slowly disappearing sunset over the horizon line of the view from where I catch the bus home from school was so pretty I just sat and stared at it. Then I indulged in more Pearl. After getting dinner at Arby's once I missed the 6:30 FAST, I turned on Mugglecast and listened to it.
The only time I remember thinking of God was when I was watching the sunset.
I have said it before, I am probably too hard on myself in regards to how I live my life -- spiritually and otherwise. I have this expectation of what I should be, and I get frustrated that I can't meet it. Subconsciously, or maybe consciously, I know that I'm just driving myself insane with this perfectionistic way of living. But I just can't stop. It's a pattern I have gotten myself into that I have no clue how to get out of. I'm not even sure if I asked God to help me get out of it if it would be possible, as blasphemous as that sounds.
I have difficulty trusting people -- it's gotten worse since Kyle, I think, but I think it was a problem even before then. Especially since my teenage years it has been difficult to trust God. The double whammy of my grandmother's death my freshman year of high school and the thing with Kyle my sophomore year really impacted me spiritually. Then junior year was tough academically speaking; I got a rather low score on my SAT due to being behind in math (due to a scheduling error my sophomore year), among other things. Then, in my senior year, another double whammy: my other grandmother died AND my best friend got pregnant out of wedlock.
College hasn't been much better; I've had rough spots with my grades, with my GPA dropping below 3.0 for the first time. Then Kyle had the nerve to butt into my life again, unannounced this time. I still had difficulties regarding career and school choices. Plus, I became disillusioned with the one Christian group on campus, just when I probably needed Christian friends most. I got laid off of a job I really liked, did finally find a new job (my current one) but dislike it greatly, and now because of my new job going to church has proven difficult (since I tend to work Sundays) and my experience of church has been reduced to going a few times with my parents to their new church and to listening to sermons from my church on my iPod.
As I was ranting I thought of a part of The Horse and His Boy when Shasta talks about his misfortunes. At one point, he says: "I do think that I must be the most unfortunate boy that ever lived in the whole world. Everything goes right for everyone except me." Then a Large Thing/Person (actually Aslan, but Shasta does not know this) approaches him, and bids Shasta to "Tell me your sorrows."
The following paragraph reads thus:
"Shasta was a little reassured by the breath: so he told how he had never known his real father or mother and had been brought up sternly by the fisherman. And then he told the story of his escape and how they were chased by lions and forced to swim for their lives; and of all their dangers in Tashbaan and about his night among the tombs and how the beasts howled at him out of the desert. And he told about the heat and thirst of their desert journey and how they were almost at their goal when another lion chased them and wounded Aravis. And also, how very long it was since he had had anything to eat."
The response of Aslan to Shasta's tale of woe is interesting:
“I do not call you unfortunate,” said the Large Voice.
"I do not call you unfortunate." Interesting. "Unfortunate," in terms of word history, basically means "not prosperous or happy" (un- meaning "not" or some other negative; "fortunate" coming from a Latin word signifying prosperity and happiness).
I just thought also of how people sometimes quote schmaltzy Bible verses to comfort people in situations like mine. Ones like James 1:2 ("Consider it pure joy, my brothers, when you face various trials...") and Romans 8:28 ("All things work together for good for those who love him and are called according to his purpose"). That last one was actually on the list of the "Ten Most Misunderstood Verses" that I heard one of the pastors from my church preach on for a college group talk (which I got off iTunes as a podcast).
One verse that has been in my mind quite a bit lately is 1 Timothy 4:12: "Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers, in speech, in life, in love, in faith, and in purity." I think I was thinking of it because I was working the CYA storyline around in my head, and I thought it might be a great theme verse for them. But I suppose it applies to me too, and not just cause I know a cool song of it (which is how I have it memorized - I have this old cassette with some kids' thing on it with songs that are Bible verses also). A commentary I just found says this about the verse: "Because Timothy was young, he was vulnerable to the errors of youth which bring the often justified criticism of those older. To address this, Paul called him to live a life so that was so godly that no one could despise his youth." This makes sense, for he calls him to be an example in several areas: what he says (speech), what he does (life), how he treats others (love), in faith (the commentary previously quoted says this is "in a sense of faithfulness"), and in being pure (purity).
I decided to do a bit of a word study of these words right now, using Studylight.org's Greek lexicon. I used the KJV for the word study so I could use Strong's; the verse as quoted above is from the NIV.
***
The word translated "speech" is the Greek word logos, which is usually said to mean "word" but can mean "a word, uttered by a living voice, embodies a conception or idea," what somebody else has said, discourse, a type of teaching, or the topic of a conversation when referring to speech. It can also refer to reasoning or one's account of something in response to a judgment on something. Since the KJV translates the word as "word" though, the meaning is probably meant to refer to the "speech" sense of the word.
The word used for "life" is the Greek word anastrophe, which means "manner of life, conduct, behaviour, deportment." In other words, how do you behave? Does the talk match the walk, as it were. Interestingly, this word comes from another word -- anastrepho -- which means "to turn upside down, overturn," to sojourn in a place for a time, or to "turn back." It is the metaphorical sense only that gives us the "manner of life" direction.
Not surprisingly, the Greek word used for "love" here is agape. In Ancient Greek, there are three words for love: eros, phileo, and agape. Eros is the term for romantic love -- hence our word "erotic." Phileo is brotherly love -- hence the town of Philadelphia, PA being the "City of Brotherly Love." But agape goes deeper than eros and phileo and is defined as unconditional love. It is the love God is said in the Bible to have for us, and since we are commanded to "love one another as Christ has loved you," agape is for us too. However, being imperfect human beings, it is very difficult for us to show agape love. Yet Paul includes it on this list, so it must be important.
The word used for "faith" is the Greek word pistis, which can mean "conviction of the truth of anything, belief" and also "fidelity, faithfulness." I said before that the commentary viewed this as a "faithfulness" context. This word comes from the Greek word peitho, which means "to persuade" or "to trust."
The word for "purity" is hagneia and means "purity, sinlessness of life." This is confusing cause none of us are sinless.
***
I feel better having vented this here.
In other news, I may leave for school earlier than usual tomorrow to do some print lab work before class so I can focus more of class on my second blockprint, which I think Mr. Richards wants done by Thursday. I hate to get up early on my day off. But maybe I can still get up at 8, leave at 9:30, and just go straight to the print lab when I get to school instead of hanging out in the library or whatever. Actually, that's not a bad idea.
Basically, what I have to do is take one of my good papers out of the water it's in and put it in my blotter to dry, take the two dry papers out of the blotter and run prints on them, clean my plates to prep for my blue-ink prints, cut more paper to run the blue-ink prints, and then soak those papers and put as many of those in the blotter as I can fit (which will probably only be one or two).
The paper soaking only takes like 5 minutes, and you can go off and do something else while they soak (like with dishes...^v^). I don't have to worry about the papers I put in the blotter; they need to dry at least overnight anyway. And running the prints is actually not as time-consuming as it sounds, even with a hand-crank press. You ink your plate (or plates), set the plate on your paper (with newsprint underneath and on top) and then lay the cloth over it that keeps the ink off the press itself, and then crank. If you have a multi-plate image (like me) then you leave the printed image on the paper and just change the plate and then crank the press again.
Ok I am happy again I think. Venting is always useful. And with a blog, you don't have to worry about offending the ventee cause the blog is not a person.
There's not really anything else to say. Good night.
