Sunday, August 29, 2010

A bit overwhelmed

Ok, so good news -- I was able to go in and change the amount I owe on my tutition payment plan to what I currently owe. I made the first payment on Friday (it's not due till Sept. 1st, but Friday was my last payday before then so I wanted to get it dealt with early); it just hasn't been posted to my bank account yet (it might not till tomorrow, since it's the weekend right now). It will be $180 a month in payments, which is doable but still tough. But it sure beats $630 a month. It's a little less stress.

School starts tomorrow officially, for me on Tuesday. It's going to be tough semester, I can feel it. But somehow, by the grace of God, I'll get through.

I got an e-mail today giving the meeting times for the CWCW (creative writing club); I don't know if I'll be able to make them this semester though with my night classes and all. That stinks.

Lately, I feel like I just haven't been at my best. I think I've been overwhelmed in the last month with this financial stress, as well as not getting much sleep with all these early working shifts. On top of this, I'm thinking of going to that anime con and the idea of cosplay scares me. I got some suggestions from the forums at (which I was finally able to join):

~Fuu from Magic Knight Rayearth


~Sheena from Tales of Symphonia


~and these three other characters I've never heard of:

Jihl Sabaat from Final Fantasy XIII


Marianne from Code Geass


and Cornelia, also from Code Geass


I'm leaning towards Fuu, especially since there's going to be a CLAMP cosplay gathering at Animé Los Angeles so I would be able to meet some people with similar interests. But I am afraid I would have to make the blazer and skirt, and I have no faith whatsoever in my sewing abilities. Plus, how the heck would I make the sword? I found a tutorial where someone made Fuu's sword, but it involved a lot of woodcutting I don't know how to do.

I also considered, if I did do Fuu, going as Fuu from the Rayearth OVA, where she wears a different outfit and headband and is distinguished as a Knight only by an Exsphere-like orb on the back of her hand. Here is a picture to give you an idea (you can't see the orbs here though).


So, in short, I am totally lost and overwhelmed on this. I'm not even familiar with three of those suggestions, as I said. I've never seen Code Geass and I haven't played Final Fantasy XIII, or most of the FF games for that matter, though I confess I like the look of Jihl. She kind of reminds me of Relena Peacecraft from Gundam Wing (another person I could potentially cosplay, though I never was too much into that show). I looked her up; she's the antagonist of that game apparently.

Just looked up Cornelia and Marianne; they're the Second Princess and Empress of the Holy Britannia Empire respectively. Funny, I pictured Cornelia as more of just a general. The royal (or at least noble) thing for Marianne I deduced from the picture.

Speaking of Relena, another character that looks like her is Mitsuki Sanada from Dual! Parallel Trouble Adventure, a series by the director of Tenchi Muyo:


GAHHHHH! I need to stop this. Idea overload. This is what makes me overwhelmed; I get overstimulated sensually (via the senses, not in a sexual sense) and then my brain starts going at like lightning speed, and then the anxiety and worry kick in.

Maybe I just shouldn't cosplay. Save myself the misery of worrying about who to cosplay as and how I'm going to get the outfit together if I can't sew and don't have a lot of money and only about 4 1/2 months.

But if I go to an anime con sans cosplay I will look like not only a total newbie but also like an idiot. Even if I just go for a schoolgirl cosplay or a kimono (like this nice one in peppermint green that I saw in the CLAMP Mokona's Okimono Kimono book that I got at Comic-Con) I'm going to look weird. I won't fit in.

There are characters from the lesser-known series I know that I might be able to do, but no one would recognize me, and that's just as bad.

I wish I had the money to just commission a costume, but I don't, and plus I couldn't enter the masquerade at ALA with it I don't think. Not that I have to do the masquerade of course; that might be part of my stress too. They're having a non-competitive fashion show where you can show off your costume too.

*Sigh* I just don't know what to do, and I can't stop thinking about it. Hopefully, school will distract me, but probably not. As Scott McGillvray (of HGTV's Income Property) would say, I need help.

I suppose I could pray, but does God care about this sort of thing? With floods in Pakistan and poverty in Haiti (the Carlsbad campus of my church, which I go to, is supporting a missionary effort in Haiti right now), would he really care about my cosplay worries? It seems petty.

I suppose he does. I was just reading the passage in Luke where Jesus tells about a persistent widow who kept bothering a judge till he agreed to help, and he said our prayer should be persistent like that. And mine hasn't. But I suppose it's worth trying, though I feel like an idiot for doing it.

Dear Jesus, please help me right now. I would like to go to this convention in L.A., as you know, where it is typical for people to dress up in costume. But I don't know anything about dressing up in costumes - except for Halloween - or how to make them. It's got me really stressed out. Please, help me calm my worries so that I can approach this with a clear mind and have faith that I can make some reasonable decisions regarding this. My worries are clouding my ability to make decisions about this and also overwhelming my mind. Peter said to cast our cares on you, so in this case I'm going to do that. It might seem like a weird thing to pray for, but I'm totally lost. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Ok that was a very awkward prayer (I'm out of practice, I'm afraid) but I'm glad I did it.

I'm going to go eat lunch now. An empty stomach doesn't help one's judgment either.

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