Discuss/Describe what holds you back from sharing Jesus in your work, school, home?
Oh the dreaded question...
The truth? I feel like I don't know how. I have the knowledge for the most part. I've been a Christian for 20+ years, went to Christian school and to church my whole life. I've read the Bible cover to cover multiple times in multiple versions. I worked in a Christian bookstore even. So I have the theory. But not the practice. That was one thing I felt they didn't really teach at school. I suppose they might have in church, but maybe I wasn't paying attention. And because I worry a lot about what others think of me, I don't want to embarrass myself by trying and not doing very well.
I had this experience recently with my friend and coworker Geraldina. Easter was coming up and somehow we got on the topic of religion. I realized what was happening and knew I better seize the opportunity. But she's Jehovah's Witness, and I know nothing about what they believe. I just know they're those people who keep trying to give me magazines at the bus station. We ended up talking about the Trinity of all things. I tried to explain what I believe about it, but it didn't sound very convincing. I felt like I was just reciting something I'd learned. There wasn't conviction behind it.
And that scares me. Do I actually believe all this stuff? Or is it just something I learned and can spit back out? I call myself a Christian, but do I really believe all I know about the Bible and everything, or am I just accepting it as true cause that's what a good Christian does? Like to keep up appearances?
Oh God...am I a fake? Please God, I don't want to be a fake. Otherwise for 22 years I've been fooling myself. And that's sad.
No. There was a time I was definitely more committed to God. And I think some of that is still there. But somewhere along the line my fire kinda went out.
I feel like one lousy Princess of Heaven right now. Not a good ambassador for Christ either. :(