Wednesday, April 02, 2014

Miles-a-Minute Challenge #81: Failure

Today's Video: "Shame or Guilt"

Discuss/Describe an area of your life, or your entire life, where you feel like a failure or a mistake.

Being a perfectionist - "three times a perfectionist," as I like to say, cause I'm an eldest child, a Scorpio, and an Aspie, all three of which are associated with being a perfectionist - makes failure a big problem for me. I try to do everything right, and right the first time so that I don't have to do it over again. And if someone asks me to redo it, I get irritated.

I mainly feel like a "failure to launch." I'm 29, I still live with my parents, I don't have a car or a driver's license, I've never dated anyone, and I haven't started my career. Instead I've spent the last 12 years working part-time jobs for little money and even less satisfaction. I didn't do internships or any of that other stuff you're supposed to do during college to help you get ahead of the pack career-wise. It's not that I didn't want to; it's just without a car - and especially with my unpredictable work schedule once I started at my current job - I felt like there was no way I could make it work, school and a part-time job and an internship. Even now that school isn't part of the picture, my work schedule is so unpredictable that I feel like I can't plan anything.

I also feel like a failure as a Christian, because I've never witnessed to anybody before. I don't invite people to church even though I know I should, mostly for the stupid reason that without a car I wouldn't be able to pick them up. I pretty much hide the fact that I am a Christian, to the point that people are surprised to learn I am one. I know I don't always act like one. Granted, evangelism is not among my spiritual gifts (based on the tests I've taken), but all Christians are supposed to witness to people (that's what the Great Commission is about, after all), so that's no excuse. I'm just one of those people who can talk up a storm about practically anything except God. I don't know why...

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