Monday, April 07, 2014

Miles-a-Minute Challenge #86: Wrong Direction

Today's Video: "U-Turn"

Discuss/Describe an area in your life that is headed in the wrong direction. (Or maybe it’s your whole life.) Connect with a leader at a church to receive eternal guidance.

I feel lost, mostly. I am not sure what direction I'm going, but I feel like maybe I was going the right direction, but I made some mistakes and now I'm lost. I'm beginning to think doing that web design certificate was a mistake. It was added stress when I was already trying to get a four-year degree, and since my graphic design skills aren't good, I don't think I could do well doing web design. I don't have the technical knowledge for technical writing, the people skills for content management, or the drive for web writing. Mainly what I like to do is write stories. But that isn't guaranteed to pay the bills, and I need a steady income if I'm going to live independently.

I feel like probably the answer to what I should do for a career is staring me right in the face, and God is waiting for me to stop being stupid and actually "get it." Gah it must be so frustrating to be God. You know exactly what your children are meant to do, but they just don't see it, they don't get it. Thankfully, God is a lot more patient than me.

And that's the thing. I am very impatient. And also since I was a kid I have developed this twisted idea that things just happen by magic (or at least this is what my mom used to tell me when we'd have arguments). I know you have to work hard to get stuff that's really worth it. And I can work hard. I guess it's my impatience. And also a lack of self-discipline - or maybe motivation - when it comes to doing stuff I don't like to do, like exercise or clean or job search. Like in my Beginning Piano class. I didn't have the motivation to practice at home as much as I should've done, except when a test was coming up and I had to learn a piece. I was only taking that class because I needed the units anyway, and it was available. (I'm beginning to wish I had gone to Palomar rather than Mira Costa. They have more class offerings, plus they're big on writing there so I would've had more writing opportunities from the start). 

I was selfish and got a degree in something I love rather than something that specifically leads to a job. I made my bed, now I have to lie in it, as the expression goes. Hopefully I can get some guidance...

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